Every time I pick up my pen to write,
Maybe just a note about my strife and plights
These voices upstairs play this little game with my mind.
I don’t know what it is for sure but all came from within.
He’s slowly trying to take control
I get it!
And I’m kind of losing
I’m stuck in this hole
Of self pity
Of dismay
Drunk with frustration
I bit my pen
You want me to listen when there is nothing to learn
For being able to write,
Is this voices up here I get to earn?

I was even thinking of making a deal with these voices
Don’t blame me man,
I’m running out of choices
It says,
Hey Chris, take the pistol to pull that trigger
At least the pain will go away
Or take a seat and watch you slowly wither away
Either way, nothing changes
Maybe then my family would stand over me to mourn
Lying in a coffin like a stillborn
Probably smiling because these **** voices won
Don’t judge me,
You don’t know what and how my life is right now
Because all you go about doing is judging people around!
And I don’t need that
Go away if all you want to do is rant
These voices won’t just stop
Don’t add to it
Their screams and laughter makes me go crazy
And it’s okay to laugh at it

I just sigh whenever I hear them say
Hey Chris it is okay I understand
With all due respect, you don’t
You don’t hear the screams driving me to madness
You don’t feel the emptiness and its sadness
It is filling me up to the brim
Stop it man,
I barely dream!
You’re asking me if I had enough sleep last night
You aren’t even waking up at nights
Just because your nightmares won’t just stop being NIGHTRMARES
This empty big dark hole in me
This void that cannot be filled
I can’t even begin to explain
I lost track of what causes pain
Because literally everything does
Lord, please, send forth your rain
Maybe then I will be able to expel my pain
Either in tears or in screams
Let it rain!

You don’t feel the pain draining me little by little
Yes! I act like I’m okay
How else should I act?
Surely you don’t want to see the other side
Trust me it is worse than an eyesore
And it’s slowly breaking me till I can take no more

So,
Here I am sitting
Broken bones
Crippled till I’m less than a void
Confusion all up my sleeves
Beaten to a pulp
Tattered in rags

Looking up to Jesus
I wanted to pray
But it was too late
Soon I withered away

I know I know I know
Human emotions are simply complex;
I understand but can’t control them.
Every second is different
I’m in the middle of polar opposite
thoughts and emotions.
I’m happy;
I want to be dead.
Bipolar milliseconds
are draining my core.

sleepless sins simply settle into your soul and slip sedatives in your sanity

There's always been a little blue bird flying over me, whenever I look up to the sky. One rainy morning the little blue bird flew directly to me, as I stood looking out my open window. I was crying along to the sound of the pouring rain. Then the bird landed on my window sill and looked me right in my eye, sitting as still as could be. We stared at each other for a moment in silence. Then the bird started singing. He was trying to talk to me through his song. So I asked the little blue bird "what are you trying to say"? Of course the bird only continued to sing its song, so I listened. I knew I must listen. I listened to his song and the sound from the rain, and sat in peace. Once he finished his song I reached out to touch my little blue friend, but he flew away. He always comes back now, but only to sing to me in the rain. I know I'll always see my friend again, when he flies back to sing to me.