I've written a thousand ways I'll miss you
when we no longer speak and
that time has come
cause you don't talk to me late at night
you don't send me songs I've already heard and
I don't  play along
I don't listen to your music
I don't dance to your music and I don't dance with you

I still miss laughing with you and
the last time I saw you felt like we were starting over
but maybe we were just saying goodbye

Now I'm six hours ahead and I'm
pretty sure you're still taking her to bed
So now is goodbye, this is not see you later
This is not me waiting for you
This is me learning not to reach for
something that shouldn't be here

I imagined you next to me for a thousand years
but maybe our time together, comfortably laughing
was only meant to be fleeting
maybe your free spirit was only meant to leave

I'll never know why you
entered my life like a hurricane
and left me deserted
never know if you ever loved me
or cared
never know if you were lying
or are as confused as you seem

our goodbye is likely forever
you built walls and left them
running to the mountains searching for
yourself inside someone else
its cliche and I always thought you were unique
but maybe you're just like the rest
just a lost boy running from reality

I ought to stop writing bout you
and yearning for us to begin again
cause you're a lost boy and
my messages will never reach you

Wanna say hello,
want you to say hello
want you to reach out but I
gotta say goodbye
goodbye to your old car
to your plain bagels and adidas sneakers
goodbye to your black dog, and kind parents
goodbye to laying on the couch
to driving through the streets late at night
goodbye to tequila shots and dancing
to laughing and missing trains
to who we were and will never be
hello to the future
goodbye my love

Dear Ex, guess what!
Today I met someone who seemed worthy, he spent hours talking and laughing but he couldn't stop staring, I then remembered the way you approached me with boldness, I did the exact same thing and went by him.

I thought, why not **** this stranger's life up, leaving him falling hard amongst the highs. He had a beautiful soul, I noticed the moment he said hi.

I talked with him as if I was intrigued, his words were sincere with me. I was a wreck, I looked at him, saw my reflection in his eyes... I saw you..see, I'm becoming heartless like you.

No strings attached, just broken promises, lies and pain, It was all for the thrill, It will be all in vain. I knew, I needed to feel whatever It was that you felt the day you saw me
...nothing, just another broken soul you wanted to torment. so, I sank my kindness, I sank the human that I am and showed all of me except the truth... just like you.

See ex, you taught me how to numb my feelings, play mind games, fool the hopeless, use their mind, body and soul... leaving them to feel never the same. I drowned in your emotional abuse, now I share your lessons, I'm now heartless... just like you.

I hope you are proud of the monster that you have created, I hope you are proud of this broken girl that you have neglected. I am now a fool, feeling stupid, losing out... and I may never know how to give and receive love, JUST LIKE YOU.

S.B

I remembered something you once told me
At 3 am, its the time you are most vulnerable
You said "you are the strongest person I know"
I didn't believe you until you were gone
And now I say those words as if they are a spell that will save my soul

And I feel safest when I'm smaller than I should be
Tucked away under covers, or in bedroom closets
Trying to escape my monsters
But the monsters hid within me
Life can be a little overwhelming at times
And it doesn't help when the people around me
End up being monsters too

No matter how hard I try
No matter what I do
Friend or foe
In the end I'm shot
With a crossbow through the heart

I was never mad that you lied about the smallest of things.
The things that hurt the most when found that they were indeed true.
If anything you taught me that sometimes faith can easily be misplaced.
Over time it became hard to look in your eyes,
A place I found myself disappearing to often.
Confusing truth for comfort,
Realizing that in a world of fabrication, The best truths are raw.
Often unclothed. A natural happening.
This is what lured me to your eyes.
Not once paying attention to what was going on around me,
Not until the last minute.
The things taken for granted.
The unease hesitation of hands. A certain anxiousness
That shook with the reach of your hand.
Slowly watching a different you appear.
No longer soft, genuine.
Left with the answer to why most facades exist.
A simple truth I myself overlooked in the way that I loved you.
Instead, taking gallons of lighter fluid.
Soaking every inch of myself then placing the box of matches in your hand.
Knowing the outcome. Knowing the difference between right and wrong.
But still having faith that you wouldn't do the things I knew you would.
This was the faith that I had that you were exactly who you said you were,
that you loved me the same exact way that I loved you.
Misconstruing the spark from the box of matches as the spark I seen when we first met.
Mistakes are not uncommon, in most cases it's what's done after that really matters.
Despite the sudden jitters that overwhelmed you, I provided my arms as a place of shelter.
A place that without question, you'd know without a shadow of a doubt would always have comfort.
Never truly realizing that most things of that nature are treated as one sided.
A incomplete truth, selfish in the same nature. 
No matter what superficial truth I saw you wrap yourself in to grant ease of comfort.
I was never mad at you,
How could I be mad at you for being who you were all along.
Learning a fraction, as to why wolves often choose sheep's clothing

you have been lying to me.
you have let me curled up beside you & stare at you with starry eyes,
letting me believe that it was just my mind creating this doubt about your honesty but my soul was screaming at me to pay attention because somehow deep down i know that you have been lying to me.
i told myself that i trusted you & that i wouldn't look at your phone even though you spend more time starting at the glow of your phone than you do speaking to me.
i told myself i wouldn't look at your phone so i tried to forget the four digits that make up your password but i memorized them & i tried to confuse myself by saying as many numbers in my mind as possible but i memorized them.
i memoriezed them because i'm nosy & untrusting of men but also because you have proven more than once before that you are untrustworthy.
yet still i ignored the growling & snarling underneath my heart telling me you were hiding something from me, yet i still ignored the tightness in my chest & the migraines building in my brain from stress of lying to myself about your deceptions.
but of course, the growling became roaring & i couldn't contain the anxiety, the fear & curiousity of what the f#k are you doing behind my back?
so as you were in the kitchen i pressed in those four digits to reveal the lies you kept from me & immediately the pain of a thousand sharpened needles pierced my chest yet a part of me was not surprised, after all this wasn't the first time...
& i told you to get out & for a moment i was strong enough to let go but the more i explained my pain, the less i could resist & i fell again under your seduction & empty promises of changing...
& as i got ready for work this morning, suppressing the open wounds in my heart & the hollowness in my breath, i saw you sleeping in the bed.
for a moment i smiled but then remembered all you've done to tear apart my heart & soul & soon enough i felt my fingers curl around your phone again to be sure that you meant it this time.
but all i saw was that you decided to change only the platform on which you hide your lies from me...

but i am insane
& i stay

i can feel myself transforming into the empty shell of a human, a ghost haunting myself, a memory of a being that was once so loving, kind, strong & intelligent.
but i now am just a silhouette that you can project whatever you'd like onto it.
you have created an empty body, a doll, a toy, a puppet that you can make dance for you at any moment in time.
is that what you wanted? because if so then..
*you win

FOR:  JORGE GUZMAN
I'm glad you took everything that would remind me of you.
Cause I don't want to remember anything we went through.
I don't want to remember your laughter, your face..
Or how you ripped out my heart and left a hole in its place.
I don't want to think about how easily you left.
Or wonder why I am forced to, when you can so easily forget.
I don't want to feel lonely just because you're not around.
I wish I too could quickly find someone else to help me not feel down..
But I haven't and it feels like the world is crushing my chest.
Words can never explain just how much I'm depressed...
How could you hurt some body who loved you so much??
I would have done anything for you! How was that not enough?...
Now it's back to square one.. Alone and in pain, too...
And still... I hope what you did to me... NEVER happens to you...

What an irony! .....When feel things are changed and you got the slap that the change is only an illusion....

What a bluff! ....When your heart started to sense so-called life, and then miserably being treated by misunderstanding...

What else needed to lose!
What else those humans would ask for!

My mistake... I Trusted my feelings and they thought I Betrayed them!

What would be my list of disposal Now!

Life.....Feelings...Myself!