‘I don’t know’.
That isn’t an excuse. That’s not the easy way out.
I genuinely do not know the answer to the question you’re asking.
Oh you’re frustrated?
Imagine how I feel!!
You just asked that question.
I have been asking that question my entire life.
“Why can’t you just..?”
I
             DON’T
                                   KNOW !
I want to scream,
to cry,
to be heard in some way !!
and not because I need the attention but because I genuinely have something to say..
Something worth hearing..
I’m scared of what’s in my mind.
I’m scared that I’m running out of time.
I’m scared to be alone because I don’t trust myself.
Not around scissors.
Not around pills.
Not around myself.
Do you know how that feels?
Do you know how it feels
to not trust yourself
around yourself?
I am at war.
   My mind
        vs
       Me
with my heart as a witness,
my soul as the prize
and my body, the battlefield.
I wonder..
Will I be a causality?

you approached me
on my way back home

we stopped
i looked into your
eyes
i looked at the core of
your soul

you didn't hide your emotions
yeah
i wanted you badly baby
i said:

"soldiers like me need tenderness
and i will give you tenderness"

slowly you took my hand as i
was already waiting
we walked into the night

my big gun was swinging
you pressed your body against it

Here, love is the far proxy of look
- She is dying a distance -
Yours travels from brook to sky
To the heaven wanderings of death in my blood,
The black smoke-congested veins possessed
By the baffled realms of battlefield
By the horrors of the mundane
From this old mouth, emptied of kisses.

wars have been thought,
battles have been fought.

agonising whines,
in heartrending times.

a bewildering trench,
led by a fair *****.

no compass,
no torch, i am indeed luckless.

my heart has been a target,
of a far-reaching bullet.

the ***** who has the key
to my heart, is dear to me

only can she open up
the heart that has been under lock.

I know I can't race with Light
But I wanna take a shot at the wind
I wouldn’t go down without a fight
But the fact that I can't win

I know I cant race against time
But I wanna take a shot at the tide
I may drown swimming, but thats fine
The battle is the bright side

I know I cant be forever
But I need to continue to be
Piling up sins and deeds
But ask Lord to spare me

I know I cant be two but one
But I wanna take a shot at a legacy
Surviving in a few memories
Superhero... to some fantasy