I keep looking outside wondering when you will pull up,
Sitting in your car pondering your demons alone,
You don't want to share the load...
I understand more thank you know...
And I wish more than anything you would have leaned on someone to give you strength,
Breathe life back into your deadened soul...
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Accept the love that was shown...
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And now it's too late...
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To say goodbye...

instead they send me a glow of esperance
and expounding answers through the back of fireflies
which I now must entrap for further examination
like a sterile entomologist milling around
in the someday

blazing with unbridled wrath
the reason barred by all gods
only at nightfall disclosed
within my grasp but in the somewhere

preferably after the daytime shadows
have fueled my will in the antrum
a modest perishing cold revives splendidly
and I awake by the sound of my rumbles
from what seems to be one oblivious moment of eternity now

so I swing an idly leg of my dented bed
pull the other inanimate carrier behind
she's here, whenever the eyes open
this time far back in the mirror right across
that stares back at me with those wizend and dilated eyes
underneath two unilluminated crescents
uncertain, if she sobs or smiles
the night is nigh, better hurry

I want to go back
And then I don't
Reminded of back then when it was all a lie

Each reminder
that flower
that song
I loved you all so dearly
How could you have seen
nothing but a rag doll
Someone annoying and unpredictable
Having nothing of any good inside
you turned your heads
and left me to leave
without a single goodbye

Purple, slowly dripping
down her back
gently stroked, a tattoo
Irises were her favorite
so she built a garden
upon her back
Irises bloomed, spreading
from one shoulder to the other

I beg for the heavens to breathe me back to life;

all the tough walls have been breached
it was inner peace, I am trying to reach
I bled from nowhere, have to learn how to stitch,
my life to a lifeless soul seems to have been switched

heavens did not hear me for days and weeks,
I was left thinking, sometimes bare existence is a misery.

IA

my back aches
like my moms always did
from carrying the weight
of choice

i do not have ******* that pull at my muscles like she did
but I have empathy
and responsibility

and my back

it’s where I carry
the weight