There is not always stars.
The small I-do's we said that night,
We're not done
Under a blanket of moonlight.
We did not sit by a fire
Holding love in our bones,
Mending.
We did not walk on a beach,
Toes in the sand,
Love at first sight.
You did not pull me in and kiss me.
We didn't even say much.
But it was beauty,
The way you smiled at me when
I emerged in your doorway,
With a dollar store rose of apology.
The way you rigidly
Imperfectly hugged me.
In sticky sweet serenity.

I'll know you when I see you,
I'll think of you even when I no longer see you,
Not sure if I'd die for you,
Hey I'm just being honest,
I'm always real,maybe not the realest,
But I do try,
I really don't lie.
Anytime you can cry on me,
Laugh with me,
I'll totally smile when you hold my hand,
We can walk through any land,
Because we're taking steps together,
And we'll endure no matter the weather.

Social cues are common,
and should be hard to miss.
I find that social cues are oft -
hang on a second, I gotta take a ****.
* * *
What was I saying? Oh, right.
Social cues are awkward,
but I grew up in a weird environment.

1 teaspoon of fear
1 pint of hope
A dash of bitterness
2 cups of shame
12 ounces of insecurity
3 unspoken words

A simple recipe
Creating this awkward situation
Between the two of us

Sometimes I put my headphones in
No music playin
Just to muffle out the background noise
Of all they're sayin ,
all the empty conversation
I'm secretly sat here craving
From Better days when
This paranoia wasn't constantly
Invading my brain and
I could entertain it
Sit here without fear
Cause I was going somewhere
With people I could call friends
Without questioning motivations

Unquestioning motivation
Faltered
Now sleign , altered
And warped by blame
checked into the Awk-ward
I wait in urgency
hoping This was no accident
And I'll imerge and see
The bigger picture
Fat-e
But for now I shrink
Violently
Weight droppin off of me
still feelin heavy
Propped up on this bus seat
Weighing up whether
I should miss my stop
Cause I'm not sat near the bell
And God forbid I ask someone for help

Cause then they'd have to look at me

But don't look at me,
Don't you dare look at me!
I can't face you today
I can't even face me
That's why I don't take a window seat
And you have to begrudgingly
Shimmy past me to take yours
Or walk past to the back
Silently cursing me

I wish you'd sing instead
I've got no music playin
Clear my head
lend an Ear-nestle next to me
Did I not earn your earnesty?
If I've got your back
Won't you back me?
Or will I turn round
Reach out
Only to find your shadow stretchin
Out of reach
Like a weary soul-dier
you take your leave...

I try to shake mine off
Anxietree
Break some branches,
Tryin to get free
Oh-live!
They Silently scream
But I'm struggling
To even make it off my seat
Go live
In three
But I can no longer perform
Go on without me
Forget me
Only thing on the way up
Is mum's spaghetti!
Need some Bob Marley
Get up, stand up
But my legs won't let me!
Musics off
So it's down to me
Get up, stand up
Used to be so easy
Get up stand up

Your bus stop is here

No music playin in my ear
But right now I could do
With a mellowdy

They said she was sad
And maybe a little broken
Anxiety filled and socially awkward
Said her thinking was twisted
That she was a little bit of a *****
That she was insecure and weird
That her scars were self inflicted
And maybe she agrees

You think love is a game.
That another persons heart is an experiment.
And though I love you,
I can't watch you dance in circles.
This awkard, hurtful
Relationship without a purpose.
I could give wisdom
Help, advice,or comfort.
But I'm too angry to speak.
To angry to put in much effort.