You're the next contestant
Of this game called body image
So tell us dear,
What's your personal scrimmage?

It all started with a noise
A not so silent rumble
Always asked if I was hungry
In reply, I'd just grumble

I did not know at the age of 12
Back in 7th grade
The rumble stopped all my growth
Regardless of how I prayed

Added to the chorus
Was the symphony of 'the runs'
Which really just meant
I'd need the bathroom tons

The next 5 years of school
Were often a bit tricky
But I finally made it through
Moving rather briskly

I worked happily for two years
Without much complaint
Until I dropped to my knees
From a pain that made me faint

Or at least I wish it had.
Crumpled on the floor
During a high end dinner
I knew i'd need a doctor

Poked and prodded
A litany of tests
Crohn's disease
Is what he did suggest

The next 9 years were hell
Side effects from 19 pills a day
Did nothing but make it worse
So I told my doc I won't play

I could not keep food down
I lost all of my teeth
Malabsorption for the win
What else lies beneath?

For years this went on
No matter time of day
Always making others comment
On how much I must weigh

Daintily touching my wrist
With looks of sympathetic envy
"I'd **** to be that skinny!"
Always sent me to a frenzy

Yes, yes, lucky me
I have an incurable disease
That makes me look as though
I was starved by the nazis

I say all this
Not to make you sad
It's just a story of how
Pain became my comrade

I am determined to a fault
It kept messing with my head
So I changed my perspective
And choose happiness instead

For as much pain I've suffered
There is also lots of growth
Patience, love, and compassion
Are now my solemn oath

My form may betray me
But it no longer has a hold
Once I learned to embraced it
My beauty did unfold

It's not about what's out
But rather what's inside
And once you realize this
You will find your stride

Sometimes I'm awake,
thinking about all the thinking
that holds me from sleep,
and I lie there and ponder
why i'm lying there asunder
just a little too tired to weep.

Sunlight probes my eyes
come the morning,
a Monday calls my limbs to move
but i'm dead weight not shifting
though the sand of time is sifting
but i'm playing dead, lying aloof.

I want to hide my face and cry,
I'm tired of no one understanding why.
I bluntly say what's on my mind
and yet you say that I've lost my mind.
Nothing will change, because really
my feelings don't matter.

I don't want to walk in to a room full of strangers
have you even thought of the dangers?
Well I have at 3 am each night
they sure do bring me great delight

I don't want to walk in
oh my god give me some gin
They won't like me
I'm just a wannabe
Imposter syndrome
I just wanna go home

I don't want to walk in
They're looking at the white's of my eyes
I don't mean to dramatise
but I might die

I don't want to talk in
and I can feel my chest
I'm so ******* stressed

I'm walking in
Is this auto-pilot because this is your captain speaking and get ready for a crash and ****** burn
I've reached the point of no return

Walk in you big ******* baby
whats the worst that could happen?
I talk too fast with too much passion?
so what if they don't like me I already sound like banshee
At least try to be care-free
I can't make any guarantees
but step by step in to the room
it won't be all doom and gloom

Just walk in and see you might even make a friend in the end
who didn't want to walk in to too

Isolation feels like a cold word,
Maybe that’s why stand here alone
in my frigid iceberg
A prison far worse than
Albatross could ever be
A place where there is every type of lock
But not a single key
Permafrost bars cage
A person so frozen
Yet blazing with rage
I am surrounded by people
But they are only reminders
That my stay is not peaceful

Isolation is a disease,
But everyone but the person infected
Dies away.
A virus that is perfected
It targets not the physical
But the mental state
Sanity dropping at critical rate
It really is parasitical!

Isolation is a cold-hearted sickness,
But there is warmth and a cure.
Permafrost can be melted
And diseases endured.
Find your fire
And burn through those bars
Because once you find who melts the iceberg
You find who you really are.

Sometimes words dont flow
They scratch your soul
With a blunt knife,
Splintering edges
And jagged rough cuts
Not elegant enough
To be called engraved.

I feel at times that my stance is awkward...  

I lean precariously from one foot to the other  
 
Tilting slightly higher as I lean in Pisa's wake  
 
Seemingly uncertain of whether to fall or stand, I rest here for a moment and crane the distance between the ground and me.  
 
Hopeful yet motionless,  star-struck in limbo  
 
Waiting for.a breeze to brush past or even stop and say "Hello"  
 
But I fear that if it did, I might just float away...  
 
Carried on high like dust in the wind  
 
No longer rooted to the ground

I take off!   It's time to go!    (for good this time)  
 
I am finally free.  

I  lift off  without a sound