I still dreams it seems
Surprises me too
At some point,
the stress of the real world
You'd think
After every failure
Endless nights of,
Nothing, really
And it's torture
For the mind, body, soul
All the brain damage
The body slowly dies
A life of just work
Years dreaming for better
So many hard truths
You hope, but
This fleeting world
Loneliness, pointlessnes
Belligerent with no fight
No purpose or place
So many, just
Living to die

A prayer to the void... (and the Universe that hates us)
anxiety or anticipation I can't tell which
                            especially when they mix together
they make the night colder and darker

heart pounding until I hear it
my ear drums march to keep up
with it comes the bells, and the warmth in my face
my chest breaks out
I'm allergic to this uncontrollable mess
and the stress... it speaks in riddles
my body doesn't understand the language, so it works harder
I run in circles to slow it all down
(it gets me nowhere)
and the echoes? Reverberating off the walls?
make them sound like they're closing in...

outside I see the chaos, feel it crawling into my skin
scratch till I bleed
the shadows are chasing me and I am [Helpless]
Voices taunting me, color draining from my face
and the world with it
the laughter is torture
everyone knows but me
the ache in my bones tell me so
chains rattling in the walls
so dizzy - but I can't throw up
broken spirits stir up the ice cubes...
a toast? to no responsibility
                      crying and laughing at the same time

Just like a lost soul wandering but in a body.
That's been me now for so long.
But I'm getting ready.

Still developed a lot myself.
Had influence on others.
But wandering without a future, not yet ready to die.
Holding on like that for so long.
Untill I was ready.

Tried to leave but failed a couple of times.....
Now I finally received a way out that is sure to succeed.
Still the hardest thing to do.
Very lonely.
I just had to wait a little longer....

Then one night my mom told me: you've got to end this, make a plan now finally and make up your mind!
My fiery mom.
With old Norse wisdom inside of her naturally.

It had to be my time though.
An old friend apologized to me when he saw me again.
He needed that before I left.
But now it's time to get ready, not hang around in limbo.

My mom is right.
My mom, equal in my battles.

I had to realize I need to be a true Viking.
Find pride and courage in the sacrifice.
The hardest one.
Dying in battle.
My only escape.

Sometimes life just works
Like you meet this girl at a concert
Insanely beatuful, drop dead georgeous
Who keeps looking at you with intrigue
Who you cant stop looking back at
And you buy her an overpriced beer
And that starts a conversation
You find out you have alot in common
You dont even notice the concert as you dive deeper into each other's minds
As you echange numbers, you feel something different
As you drive home, you just want to see her again
Youre home and she calls you, and you talk for an hour
Your senses are all over the place, who is this this girl?
"I want to see you again," you say
"I want to see a scary movie," she says
I hate scary movies, but **** it
I can't believe she's real
Tuesday it is, its a date
Tuesday comes, and nothing happens
And then she blows you off
And its like you never existed
Stands you up for no rhyme or reason
Leaves you speechless, with so many unanswered questions
Sometimes life is stupid for no good reason

The weather is nicer
I hear birds in the morning
The days getting longer and louder
But it doesnt feel like Spring
I'm not excited for Summer
The fear is not as potent
But its left a void, an uncertainty
Theres other poisons in the air
More potent and deadly
The streets feel like a battleground
The laughter is sarcastic, hurts my ears
The shouting is even more painful
Its meant to hurt, to sting and linger
I'm afraid, and its not just the usual
I'm exhausted, and I fear its not just age
Its almost contagious, I'm not the only one
Theres a change, somethings different
And I know its only the beginning
There is still hope, but will take strength
I don't think I can do this alone anymore
None of us should want to be alone anymore