Just like a lost soul wandering but in a body.
That's been me now for so long.
But I'm getting ready.
Still developed a lot myself.
Had influence on others.
But wandering without a future, not yet ready to die.
Holding on like that for so long.
Untill I was ready.
Tried to leave but failed a couple of times.....
Now I finally received a way out that is sure to succeed.
Still the hardest thing to do.
I just had to wait a little longer....
Then one night my mom told me: you've got to end this, make a plan now finally and make up your mind!
My fiery mom.
With old Norse wisdom inside of her naturally.
It had to be my time though.
An old friend apologized to me when he saw me again.
He needed that before I left.
But now it's time to get ready, not hang around in limbo.
My mom is right.
My mom, equal in my battles.
I had to realize I need to be a true Viking.
Find pride and courage in the sacrifice.
The hardest one.
Dying in battle.
My only escape.
Sometimes life just works
Like you meet this girl at a concert
Insanely beatuful, drop dead georgeous
Who keeps looking at you with intrigue
Who you cant stop looking back at
And you buy her an overpriced beer
And that starts a conversation
You find out you have alot in common
You dont even notice the concert as you dive deeper into each other's minds
As you echange numbers, you feel something different
As you drive home, you just want to see her again
Youre home and she calls you, and you talk for an hour
Your senses are all over the place, who is this this girl?
"I want to see you again," you say
"I want to see a scary movie," she says
I hate scary movies, but **** it
I can't believe she's real
Tuesday it is, its a date
Tuesday comes, and nothing happens
And then she blows you off
And its like you never existed
Stands you up for no rhyme or reason
Leaves you speechless, with so many unanswered questions
Sometimes life is stupid for no good reason
What is my life
Another scene, another stage
The flickering lights, the broken floorboards
I know it’s not easy being my friend
But you could’ve been better
I never wanted anything from you
Never asked for anything, yet I was the burden
I know, I know
Life always seems to get in the way of me living
There’s just never enough, of anything
Always out or missing, making up for something lost
Running back, in circles
Going nowhere fast
You know you made the right call long ago
I can tell it wasn’t easy
I didn't even notice you leave
I guess that's reason enough
we both needed room to breathe
The days no longer have names
Just early nights and late mornings
An ego guillotine, leaving me headless
On top of spineless, on top of heartbroken
I was not meant for this place, or time
It’s not where I’m supposed to be
But it’s better than where I was
I refuse to drag you into this cyclone
Until calmer winds prevail
I'M JUST TIRED OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH
The past is never done with you though
and I am never through with it
The weather is nicer
I hear birds in the morning
The days getting longer and louder
But it doesnt feel like Spring
I'm not excited for Summer
The fear is not as potent
But its left a void, an uncertainty
Theres other poisons in the air
More potent and deadly
The streets feel like a battleground
The laughter is sarcastic, hurts my ears
The shouting is even more painful
Its meant to hurt, to sting and linger
I'm afraid, and its not just the usual
I'm exhausted, and I fear its not just age
Its almost contagious, I'm not the only one
Theres a change, somethings different
And I know its only the beginning
There is still hope, but will take strength
I don't think I can do this alone anymore
None of us should want to be alone anymore
National Poetry Month Day 5