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CAM Sep 2020
I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

I don't get it

I don't understand

I cannot comprehend this

I feel stupid and awful but my brain cannot understand

Why is this so hard

Why do I feel this way

Why does it hurt so much

Why did I do that

Why didn't I just do something else

Why can't I just fix this

Why is this so hard

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know
CAM Jun 2020
Dear soulmate,

There's a lot of stuff happening right now.
Lots of things are going wrong,
Falling apart,
Or just becoming visible to people who didn't believe in them before.
And even now,
As things we didn't think could happen are happening,
As things are changing in the world,
People will still tell me soulmates don't exist.
And as is the usual,
I won't believe them.
They've been wrong before, right?

I know you're out there.
And I know that I love you.
I don't know what color your eyes are,
But I know I'll love staring into them for as long as I can.
I don't know what kind of music you like yet,
Or what kind of movies you like,
Or if you like to read like I do.
I don't know if you like to travel
Or if you're stuck in your hometown because you just don't want to leave.
I don't know if you're struggling right now or not.
I don't know how old you are
Or what color you are
Or even what gender you are really
But I KNOW that you are out there.
And I know I'll find you one day.

But until then,
Don't be dumb.
Stay safe and stay kind.
We could have a competition to see who finds the other first.
But even if we don't,
I just can't wait to meet you.
Until then,
I love you.
Keep being you.

With Love,
       Your soulmate
Stuff is rough right now. If you're struggling with anything going on, please reach out to someone you love. You don't have to save everyone. Sometimes saving just one person is progress. Even if that person is yourself.
CAM Mar 2020
Dear Corona,
I would like to write this letter to you to express my absolute contempt at your taking over of our world. The death needs to stop. All the people you are removing from their jobs and the pay that thus keeps them afloat. All the people stuck in their homes without the medical attention they need because something bigger and stronger is out there.
I am angry. I am absolutely outraged at the way the citizens of my species have been treated. As a senior in high school, I have been removed from many people I love.
I will never get a senior prom. It's up in the air whether my graduation will take place online. Whether I will ever have a commencement. Whether I will ever have a chance with the boy I like before I leave. I may never have a graduation party, and I barely got a senior musical. I may never get a senior season in the sport I love most. I may not see my friends again until it's too late and we all have to say goodbye, until we meet again, which may be never.
But none of that is what I am angry about.
I am angry that you took away my knowledge. I never knew my lasts were my last. My last musical performance. My last dance at prom. My last hello to my best friend. My last walk through the halls of my school. My last hello to my teachers. I didn't even know they were my last. I said "See you on Monday." I said "I'm excited to do this again." I walked out, without a single thought of whether I would walk back in. I walked out of my last practice, my last class, and my last day. And I didn't even know it yet. You didn't even let me know.
Dearly Signed,
One Person,
Out of Millions Who You Have Made Feel Like This

P.S. You ****
CAM Mar 2020
A hard-hitting, man-breaking machine,
Who has a long history of breaking its opponents.
A history that includes tearing its opponents apart from the inside,
Making them have mental breakdowns in the ring,
And making sure they stay down for the count.
This is ANXIETY!!

One (1) high school girl with a bad history full of toxic friends,
Unsupportive family members,
And mental breakdowns.
She's 5'1",
180 pounds,
And ready to take on anxiety with all she has.

Anxiety comes in with its famous hard-hitting blow:
Leaving for college.

Another famous move,
Following in the footsteps of a friend of its,
Social anxiety!!

The girl is down.
She's too tired to fight.

CAM Mar 2020
Why didn't anyone tell me
That being "mature for my age"

Was actually just depression
Speeding up my mind's age.
CAM Feb 2020
I've always separated sections of my life
By who I loved most.

First, it was my dad.
He was my hero.

Then my mom.
She was my everything

Then, my brother.
My best friend since his birth.

Then, it was a boy I met at school.
He made me feel smart.

And after that, a boy I met at camp.
He made me feel content.

Following that, it was another boy from school.
The first one to make me feel pretty.

Then another boy in my class.
He made me feel alive.

Then, it was my grandparents.
They gave me everything I ever needed.

Then, it was some boy who made me laugh
And another who included me.

And then another who I thought would be my friend forever
But he left me behind as soon as we were apart.

For a long time after that, it was my best friend.
She makes me feel loved.

And then suddenly,
Like a flash of lightning.
The person I loved most
Was me.

I became everything I wanted to be.
Everything I needed.

But after a while, the person I loved most became him.
The boy I loved all my life.
The one who was my hero
And my everything
My best friend.
With him,
I'm smart.
I'm happy.
I'm pretty.
I'm lively.
I have everything I need.
I'm included.
I am loved.

But most of all,
I am myself.

Just maybe,
The timing is finally right.
For me to be who I want to be.

Maybe all it took was for me to love myself first.
I debated whether to make this loving or self-confident, so I went with both.
CAM Feb 2020
Is your favorite color always going to be blue?
Blue, like my eyes?
Or blue like the way I made you feel when I told you you were wrong?

Blue like the ocean around you I didn’t save you from?
Or blue from the little pencil you always used to carry around?
Blue like the notebook you couldn’t bring yourself to write in anymore?
Or blue like the sky is right after it rains?

Blue like the rain on a day where you can’t bring yourself to smile?
Or blue like the bottomless of the pool where you first thought of me seeing you in a swimsuit?

Is it blue like you always wanted the walls of your room to be?
Blue like your favorite book cover, the one without a hole in the front?
Blue like your favorite pair of jeans, the ones you wore so much the insides of the legs started to rip?

My favorite color of blue was the sky after you were gone.
The blue that was lit up by the sun.
The blue that made me remember who I was.
And that I didn’t need you anymore.
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