Oh, Andy-
speak to me in paints:
red, yellow, blue

When I told you I wouldn't be good at this,
an inability to sketch hands that punched at everything leaving me weak.
Keane's sorrow filled eyes upon oil made more sense to me.

I was never angry or mean, just sad and hopeless.
Lichtenstein was more your speed with obscene images of ******* women
and dialogue of broken hearts.

Van Gogh never made sense, but his attention to detail caught my eye.
To not know what goes on in your own head is identifiable so,
my head is art crafted by Picasso.

they hospitalize you once you've lopped your ear off
when giving a part of themselves to a lover.
I'm not cut out for this- the starving artist,
the tragic sketcher,
or the natural- born painter.

I've calloused my hands,
shed tears on pages of sketchbooks
put paint that looks childlike
and nothing worthwhile,
in all the time spent learning,
I've never learned how to be an artist.

I thought it was the mantra to be pained and miserable,
but you accounted for bold choices and vivid primary shades.
I feel betrayed, that my art alone, isn't enough to be good.

They will never frame my name,
or immortalize flaws in which could never be erased.

Like our conversation in my dream:
"I can't be mean." -Me
"Killing yourself isn't much different" -You

So Andy, what is the color I'm feeling? If it isn't blue?

—V.H.

Here I sit,
watching the reflection of my past grandeur mock me from within it's folded paper pages.
The ink letters dance a mirage of bittersweet enjoyment in the face of my frustration.
The drawings of flowers twist and curl over the lines in the book,
clutching onto every word,
every syllable of woe written amongst the leaves.
Faces fall from petal soft whispers,
and within their atramentous eyes
I find myself lost.

To an artist,
Emotional dishonesty
Is the only death.

Doom this body to the grave
Before asking me to choke on my pain.

These tears are verse  
This anguish, punctuation.

The deepest peace is a poem
That blooms like a rose

After the storm
In my soul

Bursts!
And pours May showers
All over the page.

The child mournful,
A single salted tear slides down a cheek,
Holds the secrets of a woman,
Locked within a room,with a door that creaks.
She creates such sadness,
mother to the artwork,
Man who claims to be a father,
Overshadows the button of the girl’s dripping nose.

Etched within walls, a desire to say the truth:
“He’s not the artist”
Look within those big eyes,
the elegance of youth,
Deep inside her true love’s lies-
the choppy strands that show
the instability of growth
within the painter’s eyes.

Without books,
There would not be love,
Without poems,
There would not be love,
Without art, and literature, and music,
There would not be love.
Humans like magic and fairies and giants,
But science is a terrible sound,
And it wakes us from such fantastic dreams.
But there’s something close to magic,
The closest thing we have-
Love.
We can still dream about wild,
Unconditional love.
We can dream that there’s only one, true soul,
A perfect fit,
Two people designed for one another.
We can still dream,
About love.
It’s in every written word,
Sung note and brushstroke,
And every artist breathes it in through a mask,
Refusing the oxygen of reality.
We reject the uncertainty of our world in favor,
of the mysticism of that near-magic, love.
It’s a masochistic affair,
Worshipping that feeling that lives in our art,
Just out of reach.
I do not accept deceit.
I do not yearn for fiction to enter the tangible world.
But I do long for love,
For I do love,
I love art itself.

Why am I so desperate to be heard?
What is the panicked urgency within?
Why do I scratch my name into the earth,
Tree bark, picnic tables, paper,
In a frenzied bid to make the world understand?

I don't understand.

Don't worry...
We give the world vision
Words with color
Tasteful. delicious. language.

We stroke sixty shades of beauty
Accent the body
Observe. perfect. imperfections.

We layer music like cake
A sonorous crunch of bittersweet flavor
Crisp. textured. harmonies.

We expose raw motives of human beings
The aperture is our eye
Zoom. Focus. Click.

Don't worry...
Don't let Corporate America fool you.
Sure, we need doctors, lawyers, nurses, and politicians...but at the end of the day,
       that painting
       that melody
       that book
       that photo
  sparks dreams. desires. emotion.

warm weathers with a warmer heart:
i stretched out my arms
and embraced her with all i am.
this girl threw an ocean of words,
of images, of emotions, and even of silence at me
over a mango shake, kimchi fishcake,
and a pair of hot matcha lattes.
she challenged me to a doodle dare
when i told her i don't draw humanity,
as much as i wanted to draw her right there on the spot.
let's draw those people on that side of the cafe
ah, a people-watching activity!
just our kind of hobby that immerses us within society
while being in our own little world!
i noticed she draws people first
then the background according to the proportions of the persons;
yes, a people-watcher observing another people-watcher
unlike me who starts off with the walls and furniture of the space.
she drew the ovals for body proportions;
her pencil marks done gently, focused and magnified,
much like how she holds herself up.
thus we were satisfied with unfinished sketches
and incomplete acapella song covers;
and it definitely was a finished day–
complete with her presence,
photographs taken with cameras and our memory's eyes,
inside jokes about boys and talks about life outside.
the sun is getting lower
as the hour hand is getting higher.

Time continues but we paused.
So I'm up for another round with you, Lou.