who do i be
when the world
doesn't want me

You walk
You sit
You kneel

You ask
You wait
You weep

I listen
I speak
I weep

I hear
I stand
I act

"Don't ruin it by talking"
I tell her as we watch my lava lamp

was it too soon
as the leaves changed we did too
that's when I noticed it, talking to my mom
I realized that things were bad since
they grew back

am I using this new girl, that's her favorite show
her warmth? her presence? her kindness?
but what I know is
you only stopped chewing your nails
when I wasn't there

these answers
if I know they don't
show up in my tears then, why, why
do I keep searching for them there
the answer to

what am I trying to replace?
as we watch my lava lamp
your warmth? your presence? your kindness?
but what I know is

right now
it isn't you.

Questions rattle round,
Amplified inside my head.
Pacify me, please?

Am I dead, or am I alive,
Do I exist, or am I a dream,
Inside someone’s head for just a while

Where do I go, where do I flee,
I do not know, I do not feel

No answers given, only questions,
And through the unbearable longing this pain tortures

there are lots of questions that dont seem to have answers

i sometimes think

or answers too awful to endure

so i just let them drift off in the languid water

Shimmering forms fading away

Cool answers exist waiting for cool questions to be asked.