I am smashed down
By the worlds standards
With such physical expectations
My hopeless heart sinks
So small, so small
so small, I am
As I am haunted by
the images of tender Beauty
Powerless and worthless, I feel
As I walk daily, shrinking inside
I hold my dignity tight
As this shrinking violet
Hides in her great forest
Cheeks all flushed and red
I scurry behind some foliage
Surrounded by my own dead wood

The lashing striking pain
The whips of many masters
Draw blood from my many old wounds
As I become aware of my infected self
Far to much it is for me
As I play pass the parcel
With all my friends
As youth shines its splendor,
its brightness, claiming all the sky's
I am burned by its great heat
My skin scorched
For such beauty can feel
like the furnaces of hell

For what God would curse us
With such inadequacy and shame
In this half life
For I live in a darkened room
Of many locked doors
Where I have cut my own
Arms and legs off so
That I may live in this world
As I live on silent scraps
While the world enjoys its harvest
and feasts on Gods bounty

But better it is to be the limp inadequate
That can only fail to catch
Helplessly left only to observe
As a great physical Prowess
Can be a great curse
For much seeing is lost
In the unquenchable appetite
of hungry feasting Lion's  
As there is in the glory of conquest
The soul can be long forgotten

The seeds of my shame
And inflections of inadequacy
Where burdens, never of God's will
But sewn by the devil himself
To hide the majesty of God's creation
So I relax to observe
The weeding of my gracious God
As I am relieved of each passing pain
I fall into blissful acceptance

October eyes,
were not eyes at all.
they were spinning gears, and cold steel
disguised in chocolate orbs.

October Eyes said it all,
Though not a single meaningful word
was uttered
through your lips for weeks.

October Eyes screeched
"Remove that thing at once! She is a cog in the assembly line!"

And that's just what you did.

You became the machine others expected.

And i became the scrap heap.

in a house full of

                                  nothing

the camera
l
u
r
k
s
like a ******,

silently

                                                     watches

the floor weep into it's
--------------------------------------FOUNDATION----------------­----------------------------

and the knock!
                 knock!
                   knock!

coming from the                                                              ­  
                                                                                                         closet door

echos
  chos
   hos
    os

and we sit
and stare
at
heart-winning photographs;
the children we used to
be

                                                       we  silently

seep in the remembrance;

narcissus
was
   not
     in
       love
with himself

he was
  in
    love
       with
         h-h i-i s-s   s-s h-h a-a d-d o-o w-w,
the perceived


                                                        nothin­g


Just a trick
of  -   -   -   light
f
a
  l
    l
     i
      n
        g

out of books
like
l
e
  a
   v
    e
     s

of emotion,
like

F

       A

                 T

                              H

                             ­             O

                                                 ­         M

                                                     ­                      S

                                                   of suffering

                                                /  T / O / R / N /
from your
l  i  p  s

like black tar on your
s   k   i   n  

camouflage
for
the



                    A              B                 Y                      S                       S

a home of unrest survives in my old town where
madness seeps through jaundice colored halls,
lapping life from rotted brains.

grim photos of grandchildren
deform walls,
but old folks don’t remember.
they wear nametags.
who am i? residents wail
for mommy, their ’86 kitten,
a bus pass from chicago or
the wrong god.

her eyes are sallow.
tunnel vision, they say.
cloudy hues without purpose.
bags under gramma’s lids hang
          like dead gangsters
and bifocals settle around her neck,
in case she gains a pang
              of clarity.

Lovely Rita,
once a fat cook is now slender as a fang.
she forgets to eat.

my guttural granny, she stutters
incoherent, mostly.
but today, she babbles
        an omen.

watch o u t
      thing s are
    g o nn a
h h h appen
  
she retreats,
deteriorating.