Feeling isolated,
sometimes
i don't feel as though I'm the type to make it
angsty anxious
soul sedated
so I type to make it

self described as the greatest
self described overrated
self prescribed medication
self denies that exploitation

this could be the "realest **** i ever wrote"
yet its honestly nothing more than mental notes
reminders that I'm not dead yet
remind me when I'm dead, yet
come find me when my head's set
solidly on my shoulders

don't know why I'm so sick of being HERE...
my mental state's constantly all over

I'm often sought for "good advice"
often thought of "being right"
"living life"
well
while you whisper "listen" without thinking twice
I whimper at the thought of life
misheard, disregard me in the spotlight
cuz... dawg... my soapbox full of termites..

don't wanna preach to the choir
don't wanna talk to the congregation
and I'm sure with all these blunts I'm facin
I'm bound to be famous
isn't that how it works...?
or am i..
bound to be facin
blunt truths
and
those famous cliches
we love to hate

why I'm sending love every which way?
when that love always comes back as a switchblade?
that cuts so deeply
given a forewarning, yet left in dismay, as to say
"now this may hurt..."
"but learned lessons..-"
-THEY DON'T LESSEN ****
my scars have stories but trust me, being scarred is a different story
I'm still sore where that passion burnt

lately I've been wondering if writing is rather vain work
combined with this lack of passion its got me questioning my body and whether veins work
or not
regardless when you blowing wind; you should know my weather vane works
a lot
but most of the time
i try to find
justifications
to my observations-
"-yoooooo everyone deserves a second chance b"
but I'm simply asking
how long do your seconds last?, see
the last time I was "stuck in the moment"
I grasped on tight and tried to slow it,
but there's no escaping the fact
that things come and go
seasons change
from summer sun to falling leaves and rain, then snow
...
listen... falling leaves a back broken..
but while lying there staring
blank into the dimly lit ceiling
snapped in half,
i realized that
the hardest part about the ego and letting go
is having to say, "sorry i was just stuck in the past.."

what kinda **** is that.....

I’m from opening my front door, and hearing my back door slam
I’m from bleeding lips and bleeding fists
I’m from walk the other way around the block after dark
I’m from mouths running quicker than legs
I’m from hazy blue and red lights
I’m from soft pools of yellow ones
I’m from watch your back because no one else will
I’m from steel bracelets and lead pits
I’m from bitter words and sour spit
I’m from spinning records and pounding keys
I’m from jars and bottles and glasses and tubes
I’m from zipped lips and wide eyes
I’m from long, hot showers without conditioner
I’m from narrow minds and pretentious ******
I’m from weights and wait, lies and lying
I’m from thin walls and thick skulls
I’m from dull eyes and sharp tongues
I’m from do what you’re told
I’m from fires and fires and fires
I’m from pocket knife upgrades
I’m from t-shirts and mundaneness
I’m from faking smiles and screams
I’m from dreams that involve dying
I’m from fat fingers and fat books
I’m from sorry, what?
I’m from pushes down stairs and scolding words
I’m from scalding water and instant coffee, just milk
I’m from saving painkillers
I’m from we don’t want to hear it
I’m from *you never do

Blue eyes** serpent. The devil dressed in sinister clothing. Carve my heart, and it was bleeding in his hand. Lust swirled over head, passion laced on a sinful seduction.
A voice of reason, lost in his twisted words of appeal. I wanted his painful kiss, with my tongue scraping a razor blade deal.
His abuse is all knowing but only in the way of  his desire.

Blue eyes demon; how I let you use me. Twisted and scorned by a hand of Hell; till there was nothing left but a wayward vessel. All of the memory's of our sweet serenity, gone and filled with angsty longevity .
How do I continue forth?
Walking this path of broken and cracked pavement.
I died a thousand times, watching you at the other end of the knife. If only you could see the blood on your hands.
I wanted to heal you. I wanted to feel you. I wanted to be closer to the time when you could finally see me.

Blue eyes, it's time for goodbye. You may still hold my beating heart, but alas I'm the one living and moving on.

How can Death be so tempting, yet so terrifying, both at the same time?
I have never wanted to die more
Or live longer
I see no purpose in either
So what's the point?
I don't think there is one.