Never did I think,
That moving ‘home’,
Would be the reason,
I constantly think about the end.

I was so naïve to even think,
That me being back,
Would be any different.

I made their lives more difficult,
They were happy without me.
It must be such a pain,
For them to have to look at me.

Each day only gets worse,
I don’t know how long I can take it,
Before I break.

.
.
.

Who could have known,
That moving ‘home’,
Would mean the end.

Sometimes I wish,
My sleep wouldn’t end,
So I wouldn’t have to deal with anything,
Ever again.
All alone in this hell called life,
Just makes me wish,
I would not survive.
Only more pain awaits,
They say it will get better with time,
But they don’t know,
No one understands it.
The unending sadness,
Of being alive.

I can always say,
If I leave,
I can ignore it.
But thats not how it works,
Does it?
I already know,
It’ll haunt me,
Until the end.

Im back.
4 years have passed,
Full of freedom,
Far from you.
Now I’m back,
Constantly feeling trapped.
I see no hope,
No light,
I cant even fight.
I’ve already lost,
The battle of life.

I always loved a good mystery.
I just never realized how much I was one.
Do they even know who’s at home right now?
Do they know why that's a problem?
I always loved Sherlock Holmes.
But not even he could figure me out.

Are you a talker?
Or a listener.
I’ve always been both.
But I don't talk much at home.
I don’t talk much about it.
But I always sit there.
And listen.
While everybody serves their secrets.
Pouring them.
Spooning them
on to a platter.
I listen.
I might be breaking inside.
On my fourth sleepless night.
But that doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter?

I don’t know how to talk anymore.
About things that make me seen.
It comforts people.
To think they know me.
When really.
They don’t know anything.
I’m just a stranger.
Who collects their pain.
You talk to me and I lift that weight.
Tell me.
Do you feel lighter when you walk away?
Yeah.
Told you so.

So here I am.
Because I have nobody to turn to.
At the end of the day.
Except for you.
Who I love far more than friendships allow.
But not quite as a lover.
Who sees me as more than just a helpful tool.
Who understands that I too,
Suffer.
You just get it.
I just get you.
I don’t know..
But maybe you feel it too.
Maybe.
Just maybe.
This is love.

I woke up in shadows,
The bottle beside me
Chasing the ghosts of what used to be me
Thought I found love in the haze of the night
But all that it brought was the cold empty fight
I rose from the ashes
Rebuilt my own way
No longer a puppet
Im learning to play
I’m standing alone
In the light of my truth
No longer a prisoner of dark wasted youth
With every step forward I’m more than alright
The love that I lost led me back to the light
Memories haunt me like smoke in the air
The laughter the love it’s simply not there
But I found a new strength in my solitude
Embracing the calm, I’m cleansing the rude
In the silence my heart found a song
A melody whispers
“You’re where you belong”
Im standing alone
In the light of my truth
No longer a prisoner of a dark wasted youth
With every step forward I’m more than alright
The love that I lost lead me back to the light
So here’s to the journey
To healing and grace
I found my own home in this damaged space