45 degrees to the left on a two lane road
Would stop the screaming
Stomach no longer boiling in its own acid
Just drowning in black coffee and take out
Sweat no longer leaving a cartoon outline on the sheets
Just need a cool ring pressed against my palate
They said it would be cheaper
Coffee quickly out spends the rot gut
Staring through gleaming glasses
Rather than the amber round, looking up
Smiling and swirling around
A dancer in the dark
My own symphony
Playing for me, just me
As I shake shake shake
It was always either the DTs or the cold
A ***** soaked cocoon of the moth I am now
Not right
Never quite
Roll the dice
Let the monthly chips fall where they may
Collect like them a thousand purple hearted liver spots
Build a castle of coins
Circular towers, thrown stones in miller’s glass lighthouse
Addict yourself to getting better
Its the only way forward
Even when you are being pulled backwards

I close my eyes to take the sun away // blue moon
Bat an eye to all the things these days // so true
Little rover, gettin older
A circle is just, the circles a must

Ten high just never felt the same // I puke
I felt another giveaway // just shoot
Gearing english, sporting spin
A circle is just, the circles a must

Cut me slack, I took the hard way // it's fine
Make peace and let it melt away // rewind
From me, dear you
A circle is just, the circles a must

Toss a coin to another man // bless you
And in return ill take another chance // on you
Monkey see, monkey do
I guess my fortunes told me to bid you adieu

..

If all i need is just a better view
If I can then you can too
Believe in things for me and not for you
a case of the toucan blues

I can't focus on us anymore
it feels like a dream we once had
rather than a lifetime we worked on

You once made me feel precious,
invaluable,
loved.

Now I'm the fall back and safety net
you need to desire
before you hit the bottom of your bottle

I am miserable trying to hold the foundation alone.
I was looking for a life partner, not a freeloading liar.
You promised me change.

I was the fool who believed you and saw with my own eyes
you didn't touch a drop.
Now I'm left with the empty bottle in my hands,
searching for an escape from my isolation.

There is a monster under my bed.
Hauting, screaming, hurting me.
It talks to me every night.
I believe it doesn't want me here.
It screams and cries, acts more like a child than me.
It smells of the bottles in the glass container.
It stumbles up the stairs.
It opens every window, let's the cold winter frost in and hopes it freezes time.
Instead, it freezes me.
I wait, behave, hope.
I stay silent so it doesn't notice I'm here.
Tomorrow it will wake me up.
Tomorrow it will attend a parent-teacher conference.
Tomorrow they will praise it.
"You did a good job raising her"
Tomorrow it will turn into my mother.
Tomorrow night, the monster returns.

I am the most sincere
whenever I tell them “I’m here”
when they’re feeling lonely
and most definitely needing somebody
But I cannot do anything
if they keep going missing
when it’s my turn
to need them the most
I just turn to my champagne
and
to honor my anguish,
raise my glass for a toast


-c.s.

Liquid sand can create liquid despair
Aching
That distilled poison seeps through
Tainting
Stinging my skin when you touch
Burning
My eyes swell, disappointment or fear
Hurting