I remember you, clear as crystal
Young and bold, hopeful but not dreamy
Courageous, stubborn, a bit too rebellious

With a spark like stars, shining bright in your eyes
You aspired to not stand out, but stand tall and rise
But that day on the station, I lost you
You saw me, waved me off

I did not realize, I was 22 and I lost myself in you.

comfort; a sin and a saint,
false hopes and warmth
between the sheets of cotton.
weaving my hands into the threads,
my hair binding feathers and freckles
to this tiny piece of satisfaction
amongst the twisted doubts of December.

episodes of expectations;
hollow danger diseases threaten my
humor, humanity, humility;
i am frightened that my future
will implode, that the earth is dying,
that my words are not good enough,
that i am not good enough.

so this comfort i am clinging to,
sinking my nails into, resting
my head upon,
is keeping me from moving forward,
but saving me from giving up;
my stagnant sanctuary of twenty-two.

I wish I could describe the feeling
of being high and happy one day,
and then lonely and unmotivated the next.
The truth is I'm just confused with my life right now.
It seems these days my feelings change like the seasons.
How many more sunsets do I have to watch
before I finally pull back and feel whole?
I used to wish for the days of living in my own apartment.
Never did I think I would get this lonely.
I used to wish for the days of moving to a different city with my friends.
Never did I think they would leave and it would just be me.
There are days where I am inspired,
and you can see me dancing in the sunlight.
Riding this high as far as I can.
It took me a while to realize that my life is no sitcom.
My years as a young adult
aren't playing out how I thought they would be.  
No, they are not like the ones you see on TV.
Forgive me if I sound dramatic,
but this is not the state I thought I would be in
when I was 16 and full of hope.