Hello there.
General Depression.

Corny Star Wars reference aside,
welcome back.
Gotta say,
didn't really want cha back,
but here you are...  Bags and all.
Jeeze, what year are those bags from anyway?
I feel like you should have let those go, awhile ago.
Okay, so you're not going away.
At least not anytime soon.
It's just, when you're here
it's hard to find topics of conversation.
The silence isn't comforting,
but it persists.
I feel like conversations flowed like rivers until you became the dam that stoped the flow.
Now the once prospering ecosystem, is sick and unbalanced.
That ecosystem I call my mind is crying out to the operators to open the gates; let the river flow.
But I sit on shores with waves in the sand that say 'movement once happened here.'
I feel the dust bowl coming
all the signs are here, I've seen this all before.
I have to plant trees now
before everything blows away.

I will not lose my love
I need to keep my hope
For this world is cold enough
My hand shall be your climbing rope
For all those who turn trust off,
It only really harms the owner
Let your heart go from firm to soft
Or you just might be another goner
I know, this world is cruel and mean,
But don't let it trick you now
You have no control, that's their scheme
This circus can't end without your reaction and their bow
So please keep your head up,
And this is nothing more than a warning
Cause once you start giving up
You just might see the new hell storm coming

You can think whatever you like.
That’s the freedom of thought.
Experience leads you to perception,
so let me tell you stories about
you.

There was once a time
where we were at odds,
and our spirits acted as
poles on a magnet.
I tried hard to turn myself around
but I ended up in an uncontrolled spin.
Ever gaining velocity
from your push.

There was once a time
where you were deceitful
and purposely put me in a situation
where I had to keep quiet
about your pathetic inability
to have an ounce of self-control.

There was once a time
I coddled you in a moment of pain.
I sacrificed my focus,
for your feelings,
as friends do.  

There was once a time
where you invaded my personal space
without permission.
Too intoxicated to remember
but vain enough to run from the truth
of your unwelcomed actions.  

There are many times
when the words that flow
out of your mind
and to your mouth
are convoluted, primitive
thoughtless, and egocentric.

There is now a time
where I do not call you friend.
When the veil has been burned to ashes,
and all that remains
is the same exact person
you claim to have slayed.
****** predator, pathological liar,
selfish, and narrow minded.

People never change.

Tremors from the pressure
tremble the relics
of years past
Years reflected now
via passionate words
of miscommunication.
No matter how articulated
the opposite is spewed
like blood on the walls.
Best intentions die
among solid efforts.

Finding It's best to not
say anything at all.

We stand in the shadows
Clapping
Full of colors
We're happy for you
But don't you forget
We live in the shadows
Though our words may seem hallow
Might our theme seem so shallow
We can't forget our emotions and drive
We can't regret our choices or cries
You can't diminish our silent whys
We sing in the shadows
It's a bittersweet disguise.

I have a nephew who's full of life
Makes me happy in this **** life .
He is the rising sun
Breaking light on every one
Helping me smile
Helping me be free
Colors just burst for he
He can not talk
He is special needs
But in his silence
I no his needs
He also smart
He understands me
He make me laugh
He so full of glee
So happy
So insightful
So misunderstood
He walks in a room
A bomb of energy
Oh dear sweet boy
I do love thee
Thankyou for trusting me
Thankyou for showing me
How to be free
You are the fastest river I ever see run
The strongest boy
So full of joy
Heart so pure
Colours dance around you when you sleep
He is the kindest wee boy you will ever meet x

Today is Mother's Day.
My mother's name means victory.
She smells like a proper, hard-working woman, but also a pristine chrysanthemum.
I type this with a burnt tea tongue for and to my lovely, lovely mom.
My mother supports feminism, masculinism, and me.
She taught me how to speak, how to run, how to love, how to feel.
I love my mother.
I miss being 8 when you would tuck me in, but I miss yesterday when you told me how to deal with a mishap.
My family isn't in any way organised or perfect, but you do your best to put us in line like toy soldiers.
Sometimes I fall out with her, we get into fights a lot.
I hate crying in front of her, it makes me insecure.
I hate when she gets mad at me, my heart shakes when her voice drills the car.
But without her my life would be different, I would be a selfish, spoilt girl who isn't strong and doesn't have common sense.
Although she won't understand this, she gave up half her life to move from her homeland to the country whose tongue she can't understand,
I want to scream out,
I LOVE YOU, MOM.
Happy Mother's Day to the sweetest, most-hardworking mother in this eternity.
xoxo,
F C