she was once so beautiful.
her skin would glow,
her laugh was contagious,
her presence in a room would never be unnoticed.
but then.....
pain...
so much pain filled her life in such short time,
she lost control
and she lost herself.
she decided numbness
would be better
than feeling all together.
she concealed the scars on her hands.
her secret wonderland would be her escape.
the sting of the needle,
the rush of pure nirvana....

she is no longer beautiful.
her skin clings to her bones,
thirsty for a fix, hungry for the sting.
her presence is still noticed by others,
but the glares now radiate disgust.
she doesn't notice,
she is too numb to understand my pain,
she is too lost to feel my tears,
and she is too far from my reach
for me to
save her.

I remember the pain
my heart was overflown with.
I remember how I inflicted
wounds into my porcelain skin.
a punishment
for not being the girl
he wished for.
I still remember the sting
of your voice as it echoed
move on
through my membrane.
I had dedicated my all to you,
but it was never enough.
I did everything
to make your lips remain
pursed against mine,
to keep your fingertips tracing my features.
I did everything
to fight against my corrupted thoughts,
to hide from my monsters.
but I forgot
that no matter how far I ran,
how hard I tried to believe I was okay,
my monsters,
my demons,
my disease
remained in my core.
and because of my weakness
and inability to control
I forgot to remember
to love myself.

you blame yourself for everything.
you believe you could have done
something,
anything
to have prevented the event from occurring.
but darling,
humans are responsible for their own actions,
all decisions are self-made.
i know you have heard the voices in your head
tell you otherwise.
this is all your fault
and I know you persuaded to your heart and soul
with a melody of pleading.
please stay with me, for me
but they were deaf to your music.
do not blame yourself
for their lack of knowledge.
do not blame yourself
for their failure.
so please,
do not blame yourself
for not being able to
be their savior.

your smooth, hazelnut skin
tempts me to touch.
your silky, sensational kiss
tempts me to devour.

waste yourself away with me.
reach out into the oblivion
and become lost in the iris of my soul.

take me away to outer space
and make love with me on saturns' rings.
teach me to not forget my past,
teach me how to accept and embrace it
because all encounters I've made thus far
has all brought me to you.

let us allow our souls
to tangle and intertwine.
let us allow our souls
to love as they were made to do.