I vowed not to love you
But then you looked my way,

The minute your gaze held me
I knew there was no option but to stay.

I miss you.

And I don't mean I miss you the way that a chubby kid at fat camp misses cake,
I miss you the way the plants miss the sun because they can't breathe without it,
I miss you the way an astronomer misses the stars throughout the day because knowing they're there simply isn't as amazing as seeing them at night,
I miss you so much because you are my breath of fresh air in a world where people are just smog,

I miss you.

I want you to break me piece by piece,
destroy my soul so that it extends from the west to the east,
Show me what it's like to be entrenched in infatuation,
Show me what it's like to gaze into eyes full of passion,

Bare me in ways that are more than just physical,
give me a love that is far from typical.

I wish I could tell you how angry I feel,
the betrayal, the sadness, how I fought what was real,
it was one thing after another, constantly pounding me down,
I so desperately wanted smiles, but all I could muster was frowns.

I now know what it feels like to be close to the ground,
To be so lost in translation, to never be found.

I'll miss you, but you'll never know that
Because you were so cold it iced my lips shut

It breaks my heart to see how easy it is for you.

Before you I was a blank page and now you've left a crease,
You've reassembled the 26 letters of my life in a way that gives me peace,
You make me want to furiously throw ink across my once boring pages,
To resemble the adventures in which you have released my heart from its cages,
You're made up of similes and metaphors that I want to spend all of my time solving,
I grow closer and closer because my feelings are evolving,
I fell for your covers and even further for what I found inside,
I'm lost within you and trust you as my guide,
Teach me your ways with your verbs & your nouns,
You're like the book I never want to put down.

Crack.
There it goes again,
Breaking further and I see no end,
A false sense of solvency, a bandaid solution,
The ground beneath me dissolving, I'm falling in confusion,
Isn't there supposed to be a max to the pain you can feel?
I can no longer tell if this is a nightmare or truly real.

"No"
That was the single word you could not spare,
Could not or would not, it would have released me from your snare,
but you wanted to keep me at your beck and call,
so you simply decided to say nothing at all.

Bit by bit I am sold,
To every lie your body has told,
I have romanticized what I adored,
And it has left me broken on the floor.

You were so sweet, you were rotten.

We make up reasons for why guys aren't chivalrous, or treat us like princesses.

We tell ourselves that it's because we should be empowered enough to make the first move, or that it's okay to chase after him because he's "secretly" into us and just needs us to make it clear because he's afraid or timid to show us.

We say that maybe they had a really bad relationship in the past and he just needs time to know you're different.

We believe that maybe this is just how relationships are supposed to be nowadays.

We make excuses.
And then we crumble when we realize that that's all it was, and an excuse that kept us from accepting the truth.
And that truth is that he wasn't worth a single moment.

Oh darling,
Silence is not an answer,
But it is more powerful than a scream.

We look for validation in the words of others,
We fear disappointment in the eyes of our mothers,
We feel the pressure to conform to society's lies,
We begin to crumble and no one hears our cries,
How can we find happiness when told to follow steps 1,2,3,
How can we be ourselves when we are shackled and not free,
How can we live never to be forgotten,
How can we save our souls from becoming rotten,
Open my eyes so that I can once again see,
Come over and breathe life back into me.

I can't compete with her,
and frankly I don't want to.
It's her you talk to in public,
it's her everyone thinks you're with or at least want to be with.
I'm just this weird shadow,
someone  you hang out with when no one knows
I wasn't built for this silence,
I really have to go,
My name is more than just an arrangement of the piece of the alphabet you know,
My attention is worth more than your stolen glances,
I refuse to be content with your mere chances.

It was when you said you didn't feel the same,
That I could finally start breathing again.

Flowers tell stories the world never hears,
they blossom and bloom, and die without fears,
I wish I had strength to spring from the stem,
and be able to start life all over again.

You melted my heart
And I didn't even know it was frozen.

I don't know what's real and I can't tell if it's you,
Is this my reality or have I dilluded myself too far to see what's true.

My heart aches quietly for a rest that will never come,
Except for the moments when it is to you that I run.

You have the power to put me at the very best highs and lowest of lows,
I'm begging you if you love me, if you love me let me go.

I thought when I met you, I knew what love was,
but to know love, I signed myself away with an unwritten clause,

You told me my heart would beat better if settled next to yours,
so I sacrificed the freedom that has been the cause of many wars,

I molded myself to fit slots a, b, and c,
I so desperately wanted to be what you need,

with every passing day, I lost a little more of me,
and I would silently wonder if I could ever be free,

As I write my thoughts down on this tear stained page,
my heart finally knows why it's called a rib cage.

Show me how the earth shakes when something is meant to be,
Make me fall so deeply in love that I willingly never want to be free.

oh sweet heart, how long have we been apart?
how long has it been since I held you in my hands?
how long has it been since I gave you the love I so freely give to others?

oh dear strength, where did I go wrong?
melted down, like butter on toast...was I ever truly strong?

where is the line between anxiety and security?
once so defined, but now so smudged...could happiness perhaps spare a nudge?

oh sweet self, where have you gone?
buried so deep, but I know you're still there...