From dark to light,
Feelings sparked that night.
They were down,
I pretended I was a clown.

I told you I'd make you smile,
But you never let me.
Reasons were too deep
That digging won't give me a sweat.

Sweet, I thought.
If only you've done it,
As I watched the sky,
Every night as I pray.

Dates were too fast,
The melody didn't even last.
Still, I opened my senses,
To absorb what's about to flash.

Lightning in a perfect day,
My eyes couldn't resist,
Though it shows trouble
I gave it a smirk.

Seasons change, I turned 18,
I accepted rumors
Rejected facts.
Nothing stays the same.

My hands became my shield,
When I cry,
When I laugh,
When I try to end this life.

I was supposed to die the other year
I was in a dead end
The flowers withered
My soul stopped dreaming
Most nights I cried
Walked with bad ideas in the morning
Everything stopped
I hated my own heartbeat
Why was it beating so loud
I wanted to shut it off
I was alone and lonely

My parents didn't notice
My friends thought I was crazy
I wasn't crazy, I was lost
I didn't reach out to anyone
I didn't drink
I didn't smoke
I didn't get high
Everything was black
I wanted to scream
But the voices were louder than my thoughts
I could hear death

Scared to go on with my life
Happiness was never a word
It was just pure fantasy
But I gave it a shot
Just one more year
Let's see if I could make it
Just one more year
Try to ignore the voices
I reminded myself
Everyday, just one more year

If only I had known
That growing up only meant
Paying bills, debts, and rent
I should have wished
I was never born

I was raised by a man with a hammer and nail
My world was all about forests and gardens
Watered by rain and nurtured by sunlight
The carvings made by my father
Were masterpieces worth a thousand of joy
My toys were made of wood
A shiny purple kite he played with me on windy days
A little cart where I stayed most of the day
While staring at the sky, laughing all alone
Those were the days

I was raised by a woman with cloth and needle
She made me beautiful dresses and handkerchiefs
I could smell love and passion everytime I wear them
On special occasions, even on regular days
The curtains she made for our only window
Where she changed the colors, seven times a week
We danced before going to bed
And pretended to be the queen and princess
From a castle far away
Those were the days

I was raised by a man and a woman
Showered with love and rinsed with hope
I was fed with dreams and drank from sweet life
I was taught with lessons one could never learn from school
Read from the books with no prints
But visuals of reality and forgiveness
I was raised by a man and a woman
Who painted the sky with bright colors
They were my fairy and genie
Who filled my entire life with magic

I was raised by a man and woman
Who have aged after some time
They’ve spent more than four decades
Living a life watching me grow up
I was raised to become a woman and find my own man
Who’s going to build a new castle, a new life, a new home with me
I was raised to say yes to the right man
I walked down the aisle with the man and woman
They are ready to hand me to the man I am destined to be with
The man I am going to spend my new life with, raising the resemblance of our true love

You painted walls with me
With colors so bright
The way you smile at me

We filled it up with joy
And laughter and glee
That was a masterpiece

You held my hand
As you brushed the sheet
You kissed my cheeks
And told me you're lucky having me

It was just yesterday
The colors turned gray
As it rained
And my tears fell down
Cause you walked away

Maybe, it wasn't  a masterpiece
That's what you're good at
Changing the canvas
When I do it my way

World is different;
Piles of mess,
A bunch of curse,
And endless war.

Secret character,
A flirting voice,
River of tears,
Damaged soul.

Filthy hands,
With pockets full;
Broken hearts,
Misused mind.

Sinful sights,
Begging for more.
Hidden truths,
All behind that door.

When you can't talk,
And your thoughts are your only reason
To state your sentiments,
To laugh your heart out,
To endure the pain,
Scribble your words
And feel your heart,
Draw your emotions;
It's worth the play,
Than share your part.

Your eyes are like the sun
And that one eclipse
Told me how you lied

Like the scenes in movies
Glass shattering
Screaming, crying
And slamming of doors
She had them twice

Once at 9
An angel so young
Saw everything in life
Tasted grief and loss
Thirsty of love and hope

The other at 25
An angel grew up too fast
She screamed and cried
Picked up the pieces of glass
While he slammed the door
She wasn't at all surprised

Little flames crossed my path,
Hot as a hundred degree,
Never wanted to feel it,
But they kept coming closer.

Heavy clouds are forming,
Yes! This is going to save me.
Miracle as what I expected,
Droplets avoided me.

Am I cold or warm?
Can’t answer either.
Fog covered my doorstep,
So exit was never meant to be.

there's a chair
left in the corner
nobody touches
nobody dares to sit

rumors spreading
it belonged to her
her! that's her chair
the teacher's chair

-glzl

One came with a tool
Looked for the best soil
Started digging until
Every layer could be seen
Making the little rock to fall deeply
The lowest of all grounds
Saved the rock
It fell without one
Holding it back
It fell with no sound
The little rock broke
Bits scattered
Joining the tiny pieces from before
No one dared to pick it up

"You dig a hole because you want to build something in it"
"I dig to make use of the soil."

Her thoughts are of you
You smile like yellow
You laugh like orange

Her dreams are for you
You blink blue
Your touch is lilac

Her tears are because of you
You talk in grey
Your reason is black

Her tomorrow isn't with you
Your voice is nothing
Nothing can be seen

You opened your doors
To a girl like me
You let me in
But never let me be
You showed me your paradise
Every rainbow I could see
You let me touch you
Every way I had
I memorized your every soul
Your hidden paths
And mysterious calls
You looked at me
With flowers on the bloom
I took off your mask
So you could see me
But you won't
I guess I know why
I'm just your what if
That you never dared ask

I love you
she told you
you just smiled
never said a word

I love you
she's in love with you
you hugged her
said thank you

I love you
she cried
you wiped her tears
everything's gonna be fine

I love you
she had her make up on
you held her hand
and walked

I love you
she wore a dress
you touched her hair
said let's go

I love you
she wrote on a letter
you kept it
hid it under your bed

I love you
she waited for you
you had her
but not with her

I love you
said you love her too
it's too late
she loves herself more

Beauty was all she was
Surrounded by love and hope
Yet she was weak, fragile, and lost

Sure she had a heart
Pure as the angels sing a lullaby
Sweet as her hidden smile

She asks a lot
All questions left untouched
Her queries, maybe, are of no catch

Most nights she cries
For a reason
She still can't disguise

She can see and hear
But she can never talk
As her lips are covered
With secrets she can never unfold

If I died today
Would people come to my funeral
Cry like I deserved better
And leave me sweet messages I wouldn't hear
Would my friends miss me
Or would my family put me in their hearts forever

If I died today
Would you come to my wake
Bring me flowers
Remember my days
And pray for me

If I died today
Where do you think would I go
To heaven, a place of eternity
Or to hell, the place I suppose I deserve

She’s back in the picture.
Bothered myself for what’s on the view.
Will I be noticed with my ribbon?
Or just same black and white animation?

Penned some hurtful words,
Though I know it’s not going to help.
I scrolled the list of my what-to-do’s,
Yet unable to find something to go to.

Invisible as air,
Tried to understand to be fair,
But I know somehow,
There’s a meaning behind that vow.

If your voice could heal,
I’d pray I’ll always be there.
Imagine my anger,
I could not even sober.

After all,
I was just a paper bill
An exchange for something you love.
After all,
I was just a paper bill
A printed piece that can be crumpled, given, and lost.

We should be happy
To the fullest
And not be scared
Of what might
Happen next

Yester-memories
I named it
It all started with you
And ended without you

we don’t write to be good
we write to feel good

we don’t write to be something
we write to feel something

Rain was for sadness
Not anymore
To a girl who dreams
Of silence in the storm

The vines of steel
Beneath the jungle of towers
Turned to a 5
Until it reached to a zero

Cold was inevitable
But to the girl
It was more than summer
A summer without voice

Now, the sun has come out
Little dinosaurs roared
Caves were emptied
As they welcomed the king

The music was switched
The melody was gone
For it was the girl
Who talked to no one

have i told you
i am never going to fall in love
with anyone

have i told you
i am never going to be that girl
who changes for you, for everyone

have i told you
i am never going to stop writing
because of you