In the wee hours knocking at your door
Wondering what it was all for
I full to my knees
Put my hands together beg you baby please
For just one more...
chance...

The shaking stops, numbness ensues
Restless nights take hold
Suppressed negativity rushes to me
Like a title wave of unwanted emotion
When will it stop............?
When will it stop.............?

Dawn breaks over the city
The temptation to reach for the bottle... ever growing
Shaking continues
But this time with rage
Sweat drips from my brow
Drink..........
Drink..........
Drink..........
The voices start chiming in my mind
Diving under cover the bottles clink...
clink.......
clink.......
Empty bottles surround me
Just a drop to relieve my pain

I can't bare this a second longer
The 4 walls of this room, my own person hell
Click!
The electric meter cuts off
Change is hard to come bye
Just empty bottles
Rage flows through me
Smashing up the room I leave

Walk that'll help
People though
People looking
People everywhere
Eyes in every window
Looking.... judging

The agony of the sober anxiety, taking hold consuming my mind
Card rejected a new low
I find change for bread
Managed to pay
Sweating uncontrollably

I can see the apartment block
My head clears
Stumbling into the darkness
I look around the room
The sobering realisation
I have nothing, no one but these empty bottles

In school they always tell you to be nice
But as you get older that doesn't suffice
You’re forced to join the rat race
Get blood on your hands and dirt on your face

You’re compelled to live up to societies expectations
Make time for your disingenuous relations
While you’re spoon fed meaningless entertainment
Where did I sign up for this ****** arrangement?

Now as I’m writing this
I’m entering the abyss
Of my own personal doom
While those around me mindlessly consume

Everyday I miss you
I don't think I can make it through
Without you this world loses it's joy
I remember you as a sparkling young boy

Once full of promise and potential
But what was to happen, so influential  
On that faithful day my brother died
Knowing from then you'd never be by my side

This cruel world has beaten me down
This depression is merely met with frown
No one understands my inner feeling
My mind I must set to healing

How can I go on with this guilt
This beautiful life we built
So swiftly and cruelly taken away
Upon your lonsome grave sits a solemn bouquet

There’s a world outside your window don’t you know?

All you gotta do is take that step into the unknown

Take a stand, grab my hand I’ll walk you through the foggy ruins of time

All you gotta do is throw away the past and leave it all behind

And walk with me to our future……..

When your head gets stuck in the ground there’s a feeling all around, you’re too tall, too small, too fat or too thin, people judging you everywhere, you never know what tomorrow might bring.  

This feeling inside grips you tight, keeps you awake at night, haunting you till the morning light.  You want to scream loud and true to let everyone know what you’re really going through.

This feeling inside haunts you while you work, it’s always on your mind, everyone just says you’ll be fine, you try to fight it but it just simply won’t be fought

With this feeling inside you never understand who you’re friends are, who they might be, who’s talking behind your back, who’s truly on your side, when will this feeling finally subside?

You’re constantly looking for a route out from this feeling inside, all the while it slowly wears away at your soul, facing it every day is begging to take its toll, this feeling inside comes over like a tidal wave that’ll follow you to your grave.

100 Years to the day
We remember the hero’s
Who left behind a nation of widows
Their sacrifice such a price to pay

We sit behind our computers and judge
While the hero's dragged dead bodies through the sludge
The hero's faced the horror of the trenches
The hero's ghosts now reside on manorial benches

From the sky's on London to the battle of the Somme
The brave young hero's fought so very strong
We must not glorify war
But instead question what did the hero's die for?

War is still in the news
With so many more young lives still to loose
To this day war remains a constant threat
100 years on lest we forget

As time passes on, I hear many songs
Songs of old, songs of new
Mornings haze, dusks stillness
Lonely nights, city living
County air, summers medows
Winters lonely streets
Death of the old, birth of the young

A guitar, a band, a note, a strum
Busking, travelling, clocks a tickin
Waters flowin, trains a rollin, end of the line
Dreaming, fighting, crying, dying

Oh father of night
Oh father of day
Oh father to you I pray
You require no faith
You are past, present, future
Forever with us

In our cars
In our rooms
In the darkness
Share the joy
Your words
Your chords
Your voice  
Guding unyielding to the truth

What's right
What's wrong
What are minds are thinking
What our hearts are feeling

I drift, I flow
Years go bye
You remain
A ship that can't be sunk
A dream that can't be thwarted
Wherever my restless heart wonders
You will be found
Robert Zimmerman we are forever yours

The  disillusioned
The faithless
The loveless
The lost
The wiry
Now and forever
Till the day we pass
You're the father
You're the light in the dark
You will never die
Your star burns brightest
In this life or the next
God willing
We'll meet again

I've lost my sense of home
Walking these city streets so alone
Where do I belong?
Where do I come from?
Questions rush to me,
consuming my mind
This sense of home, ever will I find?

By those around me happy I'm told to be
The house that was my home
So deescalate and unknown
This house can't hold the two of us
I'll pack up my things,
get on that inner city bus

Ride out to the darkness on the edge of town
Lose myself in the faces that frown
Make my way to the river crossing
Falling from the bridge I begin to drown
Until a kindhearted stranger reaches to save me

There's a sadness in his eyes,
a sadness he simply can't disguise
Telling me he also believed the lies
The lies they fed him
The lies that left him homeless and thin

Looking at each other no words are said
I embrace him in my arms, for without him I'd be dead
The simple act of a stranger restored my faith,
my faith in the kindness of man
God might not have for me a master plan

But a second chance to me he granted
Gathering my things I hit the road
Embracing the desire to roam
Out there in the far off distance
A place I can finally call my home.

What is this world
Do I belong to it?
Cheap Drinks
Cheap ****
Is there nothing pure
Pure and meaningful
Something I can hold on to
Hold tight to in the darkness
When the loneliness begins to bite

This can't be the only way
This foolish man
Doesn't know right from wrong
I knew I would come crashing down
Down to earth
Reality Bites
Can't catch a breath

Join the rat race
A race to the top
A race to the bottom
Cruel paths lye ahead
Spiralling through life
On a pre destined **** storm to the grave

I look in my soul
For the strength to fight
There just has to be something, somebody, somewhere who feels as I do

Coke, ****, **** and speed
Will numb my wits
At least a while
Lying in bed at night
Shivering till morning light
That's when realities cruel cold grasp takes hold

That's when you know yourself
No as a character
A character you're playing in life's cruel game
In a vain effort to fit in

You're different man
You can't escape
Can't fight it
It's just you

But what do I know
I'm just a man, boy, child
Naked and alone a million miles away from home
No direction, bound by societies expectations

What am I saying
What am I thinking
On this page I'm writing
On this guitar I'm picking
On this road I'm walking

Is there an answer
I've been low
But never this lost
Common there's someone out there
Am I going crazy!

Drinks flow
Dance floors a ravin  
The loneliest place on earth
In which I don't belong

Where do I look for this hope
Hope that's a missin
It ain't in no ***** house
Or down a movie stars blouse

That's a meaningless distraction
From the gap that's a burin
Burin away at your soul
The gap that can't be filled with psychedelic pill
That **** just makes your mind feel ill

You look at these people and think
Do I have to be like that
Do I have to follow this path
The path to the bitter end
Where nothing but the abyss awaits me

I want to be remembered for the good I've done
When my ship comes in
Will it be filled with joy and happiness
Or hate and anger

This glorious life is for livin not drownin
Drownin in sorrow
There's purity out there
You've got to search after it
Seek it out
Get up wash, dress face the cruel world head on
Let it know it ain't got you beat
It ain't got you worn down
You're a human being of this world
That you're hear to rise above
Above the river of meaningless **** to a meaningless bitter corrupt end
But you're hear to make yourself know
Making sure your time here meant something

It might be to late for me but there's still hope for you........

You can't begin to understand what's in my head
As I lye awake all night in bed
Fearing to leave this security
For being hurt by your beauty

You say my problem is I over think
But my mind races quicker than you can blink
It's all to easy for you to blame me
I want these shackles to be released and to be set free  

With you I thought I was strong
In your arms is where I belong
Thought I'd finally thrown down my cloak of anxiety
Created by this consumption society

You left when things got heavy
All these emotions you tried to bury
So much of us is left to the unknown
All I've got left is this poem and another sleepless night alone

I've lost my sense of self
I no longer know who I am
I used to have such self belief, see a strong man
Now all I see is a naked stranger
Staring at me vacantly from within my wall mounted mirror

Was it you who so callously took away my identity?
Was it you who made me question every value I held dear?
Was it you who drove me into the ground?
Was it you who set me upon this dark road I'm bound

I used to be so caring and unbitter  
I used to have such a sense of pride, where did it all get lost?
I watch all the meaningless relationships crumble to dust
To this distant hopeful feeling, hold onto I must

One day you'll look back to this, look back to what could have been
One day you'll look back with shame and pray I'll listen to you once again
One day I'll realise my efforts were in vain and overcome these pains
But as I lye here without a single ounce of regret,
I know it's you who'll realise what you've done and wake up in a cold sweat

Gather round people I got a story to tell
Call me a romantic but I like to dwell
Dwell on the past & loves that are lost
And sacrifices made at a great cost

There's a darkness in this world that makes it a lonely place
You get blood on your hands and dirt upon your face
It's a bust and it's a beat up but we'll push right on through
Cause baby all I'm ever gunna need is you

Our love will see us through those long winter nights
Grippin each other tight till the morning light
The grimnesses of this would will not see so bad
Because I've got you and for that I'll always be glad

You telling me you're pregnant I'm over joyed
We've got ourselves a darling young boy
Our new lives can finally start
Our beautiful family will never be apart

We moved from the city to the countryside
Our son graduated college oh what a sense of pride
It's a time I remember well my dear
The world seemed glorious and without any fear

But I remember walking with you through those hospital doors
Wonderin what life's worth livin for
To see you get taken so cruelly from me
But from your cursed burden finally set free

In the dark and lonely hours you'll be at my side
Not there in person but you'll always be my bride
There is just one question I got to know
How am I gunna make it though without you??

I'm a walkin
These city streets
After midnight

Lost inside my mind
Cities like a dream
Questions rush to me

Consuming my mind
This sense of home
Ever will I find

Cause I'm wearin
My cloak of anxiety
I know somewhere
There's a girl for me

Oh sweet lady
Can you hear the robin sing
Bringing all the joys of spring

Oh is it all in vain?
Anxiety I won't be your servant again
Can you hear me?!?!

I know she's out there
Watin for me
Common, common and set me free

Cause I'm wearing
My cloak of anxiety
I know somewhere
There's a girl for me

Ohh she's got long curly hair
Eyes that pierce though mine
Oh common baby be my be my valentine

Times are a changin people movin on
I wonder what's going to be the inspiration for my next song
With you I thought I was strong

I can't keep a rambling along this dark road I'm bound
I'm lost and waiting to be found
By your love I was bound,
Bound frozen dead with paralyzing fear
I'm not trying to blame you my dear
But the little cracks they escalated
You become everything I hated

With you where did I stand
I was locked in confusion
Facing the same old illusion
With no real conclusion  

I thought ours was the relationship to last
But I guess that's a thing of the past
As everyone moves on to their new beginnings
I'm stuck here a thinkin where did it all go wrong?

I'll set my mind to healing, hit the road find out where I belong
Sit down and write you a sad sad song
Finally tell you how I truly feel

However much I fought it I was under your spell
How can you so quickly move on? travel along a new road, throw away what we had
You make me more mad than I ever thought possible
Getting over you is just another meaningless obstacle

   Watching you sip a beer, looking me in the eye
Putting down your glass you plunge ever deeper into a well crafted lie
A lie that will make me doubt my own mind
Make me guess that boundary so undefined
How can I escape the hell you put me through?
You fed me the worst possible emotion... Hope

With you I was always walking a tightrope
Knowing you'd push me to the depths below
When you met him you refused to let our love grow
I'm crying out from beyond the words for you to realise what you've done to me
When will you finally set me free?

Sittin with you in the park
As the day time slowly turns to dark
You look to me and whisper in my ear
Something I've always wanted to hear

The realisation that you love me
An overwhelming feel I'm finally free
Free from the crippling doubt
My fears are suppressed and will never amount

With you I feel totally weak
But ours is a future not bleak
A future full of happiness and joy
Flowing through me the youthful energy of a young boy

As we get up to leave our souls intertwine
I lean into kiss you as distant church bells chime
I love you with every inch of my heart
Our love blinds us, ever knowing we'll never be apart

I’m a stranger in this world,
But I’ve got a story to tell

All about love & heartache,
Through the night as I wake

Jotting down what’s in my mind,
Stuck by the ties that bind

In confusion my conclusion,
This life an illusion

I must express my disinterest,
Of what I see the press

It makes me feel so depressed & alone,
Everybody on their phones

Searching for what no one knows,
Is there meaning in this life

Short & fleeting,
Full of strive

But then my thoughts turn to you,
How you can turn grey skies blue

Your awkward smile,
Pretty hair gorgeous face

Is there room in that scared space,
Next to you where one is two

I see your eyes,
Those flaming symbols of the night

You are a beacon,
That burns so bright

Will you take with my flaws,
Ever knowing I am yours

All my love you deserve,
This higher calling I will serve


To justify this sacrifice,
Is the meaning you give this life

So let me stand by your side,
Hand in hand for the ride

I can’t do this all alone,
Walking through the great unknown

I make my pledge I am yours,
This lack of meaning your love cures

We are mere custodians

From the cars we drive to the clothes we wear, even the bodies we carefully inhabit all will fall victim to the erosion of time

We focus on material possessions that give us status, wealth & security.

But no amount of wealth can protect against the erosion of time,
like the tide lapping at chalky cliffs, it's ever-present, crumbling into the depths.

Our comfortable lives come at the ultimate cost, the sacrifice of our time.

The possessions we have around us we do not own.

If we're not careful the balance shifts & they begin owning us, praying on our weary minds.

We observe them until our watch is over & we pass the torch or they are consigned to the ash heap of history.

All we can claim proprietary over are moments in time

The vivid collections of joy, happiness & trauma spanning over the decades of our lives.

The embrace given to console a loved one, that perfect Christmas morning, or the way a smile plays out across somebody's face in those fleeting moments of joy.

We guard these moments in time, committing them to memories so they might be used to keep the darkness at bay.



The beauty found in these is their ability to be passed on to one another.

While they may not be physical.

They are in some relevant sense eternal.

Living far beyond the physical world.

Even as our bodies let us down & the slow erosion of time continues its relentless march our protected memories are shared with those closest to us.

So upon leaving the physical world we can be reunited with those we love in some transcendence.