I never said life was beautiful
I'm hanging on by a thread
The closer I get to love
The closer I feel to death

You're so lovely, my darling
If only I could be lovely for you
Patronize myself, I would never
It's just that I looked into the mirror
Realized that I deserve better

Pack up the old clothing, throw it in a box
Remove it from our room, I start the car
Back out from the drive, you beg me to stop
But I carry on, the road as my drum
My heart and the journey, two become one

I stop in the next town, adopt myself a dog
learn to settle down. Force myself to sleep
So I can fall into dreams, it isn't always easy
I'm still searching for what I need
Maybe write myself a story, sell it with my head
Leave my heart on the kitchen counter
Forget my fear and my dread

Beds still haunt me, I'm just being honest
Each picture on my wall reminds me of you
Every night spent staring at the ceiling is the most familiar thing I do
Oh, they say that there is truth in what you used to knew

Pack up the old clothing, throw it in a box
Remove it from our room, I start the car
Back out from the drive, you beg me to stop
But I carry on, the road as my drum
My heart and the journey, two become one

The wind is blowing the past back to me
The broken fights and sleepless nights
existential dread you never seemed to believe
Complicated simplicity led to our demise
Darling, accept the past and move on
Before the future is long gone

Packed up my old clothing, put it in a box
removed my heart from the room, started the car
Backed out from the drive, you begged me to stop
But I carried on, the road as my drum
My heart and the journey, two became one.

people are nice
i suppose this must be true
people are nice
yet i am never sure why they do
such nasty things, condone acts of silence
hold on to their faith as society is pushed in the ground
maybe i am prejudiced and not able to see
the strength they hold by holding onto their dreams

---

i know the world is ending,
time is happening all at once
i can feel my past in my heart
and the future in my bones
so why does it hurt to think
of the present as the past
why does it ache to know
the future will not last
why does it sting
when the present is happening
when i know in the future
it doesn't really matter

i know i should sleep
but the future doesn't foresee it
and my past doesn't behold it
and my present can't control it
when i tell myself to fold
to fade into the world
i can't let myself go

i know the end is coming
yet i am being pulled in opposite directions
one step into the shadows
one step into the light
one heart on this planet
one far out of sight

i feel as if i hurt people
not intentionally, more regrettably
but nonetheless i wonder if it stings
whenever i move farther away every
time i'm pulled closer to someone or something
it hurts for me, though i'll never admit

i hurt people, and through this i hurt myself
but i don't know how to stop
how to make myself well, if my
state of mind is stuck on an unreachable plane
then how can i rectify my past
how can i redefine my mistakes?

i dreamt once that the world was against me
but in the end i discovered a mirror
and in that moment i realized
that i'm really just against myself

tearing every inch of me apart
piece by piece
until i've lost the different halves of me
the days go by, i lose myself a bit each time
oh, where does it all go?
where does your body go if you never return home?
---
people are young, that much is true
but i know for once that i'm older than you
and when i look into your eyes
i see my fears reflected back to me
the fear of dying young and living too old
because dying when you're young reaffirms your dreams
and dying when its all said and done gives you a legacy

who is my soul? i may never learn
could be built from the shadows
on planets far away from earth
could be constructed from the cracks
chipped off of asteroids,
a visual representation of the void
i'd argue that it doesn't matter where
each part of me comes from this universe
---
i want to glide along a cosmic wavelength
feel myself move through multiple dimensions
if space-time is a continuum then why am i stuck
in a vacuum, forced to live a life of singularity?

You are the thing that you want to be

Slow motion heart attacks being thrown into an ocean
Nonsensical lyrics describing nonsensical emotions

But I love it

HOLD UP
I'm sorry but did you just feel this moment?
Feels like heaven on earth
Like a dog giving birth
A woman discovering her worth
Or maybe I'm just messing
Ditropan has been ******* with my head
Tearing up my heart

Take another shot of Desmopressin
Counteract it with your depression
Sycophantic helplessness
I wanna engulf myself in eternal recklessness
I wanna drown myself, oh no

Girl, go eat your Oxybutynin
Then go find yourself a beautiful Cuban
Marry him before it's too late
Because he might not ask you for a second date
That's the just the way it goes,
Close your eyes and watch it go!

Why does every symbol you give meaning to correspond with death?
I'm never sure what to hear
Everytime I climb the ladder I feel a part of me is getting sadder
Perhaps I'm just afraid
Afraid of being asleep when I no longer believe in my dreams
I keep reaching, reaching but I'm too cynical
Time has a cyclical nature
one second I'm fine and then I'm not and then it circles back until I forget which feeling I started with

Oh well, that's just the way it goes
Sometimes you choke on Cipro
Sometimes you choke on Cipro