i wanted to share my life with you,
let you grasp onto my loosest knots -
tighten them close to your heart.
i wanted you to know my deepest feelings,
dive into my ocean of tangled thoughts
and maybe find what you were looking for.
but that is not what happened -
not at all.
you swam to the bottom of my sadness,
only to still not understand,
only to tell me that all i ever did was drown you.
only to say that you have given up -
that you don't know why you swam so far for me.
ＪＪｓｂｄｋｓｎｄｋｋｄｍｘｍｊｓｈＪｕｓｔｌｅｔｍｅｄｉｅｍｍｍｋｂｈｂｘｊｄｎｘｎｂｄｊｘｂｄｎｘｎｎｘｎｘｎＩｍｓｏｔｉｒｅｄｏｆｔｈｉｓｎｓｊｓ ｎｋｋｓｂｄｎｄｎｂｄｔｈｅｓｅ ｔｅａｒｓ ｗｏｎｔｓｔｏｐｊｄｊｄｎｎ ｚｎｊｓｎｎｄｕｄｎｄｋｄｋｎｆｋｄｍｓｓｎｆｎｊｄｎｄｎｎｄｂｄｂｄｂｄｎＷｈｙｔｈｅｐａｉｎｓｔｉｌｌｌｉｖｅｓｉｎ ｍｙｈｅａｒｔｊｊｘｎｘｊｘｊｄｎ ｍｙｋｄｊｄｖｊｓｎｄｊｃｊｎｄｎｄｎｃｎｘｋｘｎｋｘｎｄｋｄｋｊｄｎｓｋｘｈｊｓｈｄｊｄｄｎｄｅＩｍｓｏｆｕｃｋｉｎｇｔｉｒｅｄｍｓｎｎｄｋｓｎｘｏｎｓｈｘｉｄｎｋｘｎｄｊｓｊｄｂｊｄｋｓｌｍｓｎｄｊｊｄｂｄｉｓｂｄｊｊｄｋｓｎｄｊｄｈｂｓｎｄｎｎｄｊｄｊｄｎｄｎｄ
My razor is so powerful
Always fixing me when I'm broke
From cutting lines in my arm
To cutting lines of coke
My razor is my weapon
Only used to defeat myself
And I can't tell if my tool is good or bad
Since I'm not hurting/"fixing" anyone else
so much time to spend,
and yet, so little time to earn.
I start cutting
I stop eating
I start dying
I stop breathing
I was blinded by your light,
But now you're burnt out.
The body's still breathing, but I'm not quite alive,
A soul in standby, simply trying to survive.
I don't want to be his five minute cigarette break
I want to be the person he comes to every time he lights up a blunt
I don't want to be drunk with him on a Saturday night
I want to be the person who's there with him when the sunrise is up on Sunday morning and he's still hang over
I want to be the person he drunk calls at four o'clock in the morning when his mind is blurred, yet my name is the first and only thing he thinks about
I want to be the person he thinks of when he is so high and he can't think straight but the thought of my face is always clear no matter where his mind wanders off
But these are just my thoughts when I've already had five hits
As I watched him across the room
He probably had too many to drink and lit up a lot
When he takes his last hit, he smiles at me
And the thoughts I had felt like forever
But only a minute passed by
But when he grinned at me
In that moment I wished it lasted for a long time
He probably won't remember any of this the next day
I know I will
lovely stoner part I
Your mouth was always cave of secrets
making me wonder about all the things you said
making me wonder about all the things you never said.
And I hate the way you left me wondering
three years later
with no answers
to my silent questions.