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Nikola Mills Sep 2015
It felt like having my chest cut open
over and over again
and the stinging pain just won't go away
it leaves me begging on my knees
for mercy and sympathy
and all I get are deeper cuts
and bigger pains.

It feels like having my heart ripped and shattered
crushed and broken
burnt and destroyed  
and it feels like everyone is watching
as I'm being smothered.
this ***** but im broken
Nikola Mills Sep 2015
I wanted to be the only one
who will have the key
to your mind
to open up and speak.

I was hoping
I would be the only one
who is privileged to spend lifetime with you.

And now I am the only one
crying and catching my breath
and there is no one
to fill the void.

The only one who
would fix everything
is you.
I'm ******* crying I can't do this anymore
Nikola Mills Sep 2015
I gave you my everything
every piece of my soul
every corner of my shallow heart
every little scar on my skin
everything belongs to you.

I sacrificed too much
or too little
I never understood
why it wasn't enough for you.

You promised
to give me everything in return
you promised
to never hurt me
you promised forever
but every promise you gave me
is broken.

Just like my heart.
Nikola Mills Sep 2015
Like a morning mist
Sparkling in the morning
Except it was you
in a bedroom
your eyes were sparkling
through the courtains.

Your palms found my hips
you smiled and kissed my lips
and in that moment
I was so **** sure
it will always be you.

And no matter where I go
no matter how far I will be
as long as I remember your name
the hunger for your lips will torture me
and the thing I will always be missing
is you.
Nikola Mills Sep 2015
I was jealous of a cigarette
I wanted to be held so tight in your fingers
I wanted to touch your lips
And then just like the drag of smoke
Disappear in the dark.

I wanted you to smile at me
the way you smile at the full pack
I wanted to be carried with you
and I wanted you to always want me.

Instead of that
you became my cigarette
my addiction
and I wanted more and more
and I couldn't control myself anymore
I wanted to be your everything
so desperately
that I became nothing to you
while you were my whole world.
Nikola Mills Sep 2015
Abandoned heart
Destroyed mind
Broken spirit
Dismal life
Left alone
i was thinking about my life and wrote down the way i felt
Nikola Mills Sep 2015
I'm struggling
to become what you always wanted me to be
to remember the way I felt
when you whispered my name

You always told me
you love the way I am
and that I should not change
but in the end
you told me I wasn't enough.

I'm struggling
to define myself
to escape the old me
to be better
and good enough.

You always told me
you will always love me
with all those flaws
little imperfections
but in the end
you pointed them out
and left.
what's the point. this is very chaotic
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