17 years old and I’m cracking.
The cracks start to glow and red fiery light penetrates the dark, as if there are demons trying to break out of this hollow shell that is myself.
I want to take a knife and pry open my skin, and release this monster and let my flame die out.
I feel alone and that nobody will love me.
Nobody ever will.
If they do its all lies.
I felt this way for most of life, that is until I heard a voice in the void.
I heard your voice cry out, saying that all you’re being is useless but what you don’t know is that you are the first contact I have had in this nightmare, Someone as deep in the void as I am.
You have no idea what you’re voice has done for me.
Your voice has brought my attention away from the monsters.
Your voice has been the only thing in my world other than torment.
You have no idea how much impact your voice has had.
As I listen more and more I hear the same things as I do.
I hear pain ,I hear, self hate, I hear agony.
I hear that i am not alone and when I crawled my way towards your voice I saw a figure. a beautiful being.
A being that the monsters had gotten to long before they did me.
I broke part of my heart tore it in half and held it in an outstretched arm. I am willing to give.
I want to show you that you have given me hope.
While I’m scared that it is false hope, it is hope none the less.
You scream out in agony and I give you everything you have.
Your screams seem to quiet and you look up from the floor, and with tears in your eyes.
You thank me, and I smile back.
You begin to cry and look back down because you fear I am an allusion, that I am a sick trick being played on you by the demons.
I can honestly say the same but when we are both at a point that we would end everything why not put all your cards on the last bit of hope you can grasp.
I will give you the remainder of my heart and you give me yours I do this because you could be the answer to the prayer we both pray for sam.
I love you.

dreams i haven’t had a dream in what feels like years. dreams are a foreign to my head at night there are only nightmares. i guess i could always buy a crappily made dream catcher from the dollar store but what use would it really have. the fact that some people believe that a dollar store dream catch all the nightmares is silly. I’ve had nightmares for years and no sign of any dreams. i guess it was a waste of a dollar. until a life changing event happened. suddenly i was flooded by dreams. dreams of the future of the past of the present and of what could have been. that last one doesn’t mean much to me anymore. its funny now that i think of it I’ve had somewhat of a reoccurring dream the last few nights. there has been a figure off in the distance looking towards me. i can’t tell who or what it is its been to far away to make out the shape i can only tell it is human like from here. but as the dreams continue the figure becomes less blurred and comes out of the shadows. the figure is still unfamiliar to me at this point but last night i had another dream. i was standing in a field alone and out in the distance i could see the figure closer than ever. i could see ****** features almost perfectly. i can’t believe my eyes when i look and see that figure is familiar to me i didn’t believe it. when i looked at the figure well it was you.

Dreaming of walking model thin
Unaware she's bones and skin

She lives in a damaged brain
Drowned from her vomiting pain

Her insecurity torn up her mind
Left her bulimic and mentally blind

Always hugging her toilet beside
Half dead from purging her soul inside

Crying because her ugly reflection
She won't give up until she's perfection