what a tragedy it would have been
if you had loved me when i had confessed
because now i know, i hadn't understood then

that my definition of love had been  
not so much actually loving but rather just
a romanticized idea of being in love instead

stranded at sea, and i am
surrounded by a lonely blue
with thoughts as my only companions
and guilt for my fallen crew

i bear colors of war against pale blue
sangria red and dirtied white
torn fabric and stained innocence
from choosing myself as the sacrifice

there was a golden age when
i was once hailed as a hero
but those days have ended now
delusions shattered by war's arrow

all i am now is a captain without a crew
a pirate with sinking treasures and ship
slivers of the person i once was
i have taken one too many hits

all i have is this broken, grey compass
the needle spins wildly, unpredictable, like the sea
i have finally lost sight of true north, or
perhaps it is time the world has finally lost me

change sweeps me through the sea
rinse, scrub, dry so, and repeat
gone the stains of another life
reborn again as a simple someone, just me

crimson blood washes into the sea
and a makeshift white flag flutters under the sky
this tattered shirt is all that is left of my fight
i am just another sailor, lost at sea tonight

call it hurricane season
every little fluctuation of the weather
makes my mood change quicker

than the flicker of a flame
my emotions run rampant and free
everything on my mind seeks the thrill of fighting

i’m not afraid of consequences
i hate the works of god and the words of men
i am the eye of my own storm and

the time is coming, the winds are changing
let the sea sweep the world to grey
let the earth bow before me and i will say

"your god is a mere bystander to my chaos
your prayers will remain unanswered
and his words will be left unspoken"

keep in mind, i make no empty promises
i will annihilate you, your people, your lands
destroy your everything with my bare hands

like a compass that has lost north
spinning without pattern, without end
my heart races erratically, unmoored
by just the soft touch of your hand

you look so happy without me
it feels like i am drowning in regret because
i just wish i could make you smile like that

i wish i could make you smile as you do now
make you laugh as you do, standing next to her
make you happy the way she makes you

you two even have matching necklaces
wearing matching colors, matching
the way we did when we were together

but now your smile matches hers
and that is all that is different
but it makes all the difference

i find it stupid that we were taught
two negatives cancel out to be a positive
do two wrongs ever cancel out to be a right?

ages ago, i made two stupid mistakes
hooking up with you in the gallery and losing your number
but i bet you're doing just fine

it's been three years, counting the first
and it's depressing to think about but
my memories have started to fade with time

i can't remember the tilt of your smile
the curves of your dimples or the lilt of your accent
if your hometown was cambridge, quincy, or boston

i can't recall the feeling of your fingers woven through mine
or the warmth of your body pressed against mine
or the way my heart raced from your words

so i'll tuck away whatever's left of the good times
into a little chamber in my heart
let it simmer and boil and wait

until the day we find each other again
i'll keeping looking back and thinking
i'll keep looking back until i realize again

english is a strange language
red is a mesmerizing color
my guitar sounded better when you were playing it

two past events cancel out to form the present
only one of the two mistakes previously mentioned was stupid
and when i said i loved you, i meant it