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and

you think you are done with it.
but the notion potion returns with your stolen free will
taunting and tearing, sealing and then dissolving
the seals

no retirement in this world from where human means pliable
and pliable means capable of being twisted; nay, retwisted...

last we left you weeping on the concrete sidewalk of
Third Avenue, the police, giving you a move on command,
as Jean Valjean earworms one into the incapacity of movement  because of the audacity to request to bring him home

such is the sorrow of the lost child; it comes with irregularity
yet, never failing to return, the child lost, the residual, resides
within like a violin adagio reaching the punishing silence
after a crescendo that  pretense promised momentary relief

we struggle to keep any and all keepsakes,
polished and fed; rust and time, no polish in the five & time dime
that does a good enough job,
but you buy it anyway

well aware that fate will inevitably rob you, it’s so purposed

twist you, retest you and re-will you, to never forget until
you have no need for forgetting but the peace of
constant remembering when all on that day
molecules and nucleotides
collide in the atmosphere,
dog licking, cat weeping purrs, meaning hallelujah home

the endless sadness of the lost ladness, dimly grow the recollections of the first word, the first delight, the confidence complete
that your babe is non pareil; the violin sweeps you along and the genteel tide still too string strong to resist

the woman comes into the room;
the reddened eyes no hide
the weeping outside and in the centerpiece of a soul;
why she asks, not surprised for she’s seen it
too many damn poem-times:
my Adam, I answer;
suffices and wisely
leaves me to
compose and decompose simultaneously
weeping weeping forever weeping even when not

furious eddies rock smashing,
curious they splash me with taunts
"you want for naught!"

but naught is the only possess
that owing it makes one impoverished

perhaps he will email me, ewail me,
does he know I am at the
Wailing Wall, Jerusalem,
insert parchment prayers for his safety

oh my Absalom, oh my Adam, my favorite first born,
come sit next to me on the sidewalk so close to where you live,
comfort me as in the days of your youth,
now that we are both
so very much older

sleep well child, never mind these unstoppable tearings,
never mind the heaviness, for it has passed
as the tears shed
enlighten my embodiment

7/16/18 prone and alone
for my kinship
Martial Teacher Dec 2017
Hold back your degrading thoughts
And embrace who you are now
Time doesn't wait for you
To make your decisions
The morning sun will rise
And only ashes will remain
Of who you once were if you spoil time.

Time isn't a healer for pain
The more time you waste weeping
The more chances you lose, The love you could have had
Nothing in life last forever
In this life memories are a blank slate
Slowly everything you experience
Paints itself onto the frames of your memories
Time steals and time erases
Memories forever bonded to your heart
Is the only thing that lasts forever
A key to treasure
Locked in your heart of such sweet and blissful times.

No matter how many tribulations we face
The dreams and hopes we set ablaze
The love we would sell our self for
In the end every moment
Is a moment we have lost
You gain to lose
And you lose to gain.

Time oh how it's the butcher
People tell us time heals scars
Time heals our pain
But little do we know
It also takes away from our happiness
Time just as much it heals stalls our healing
We fall into relapse the more we're bitter.

All this pain gushing through our veins that we cant explain
Time forever changes the knife
And takes away the life
Of one innocent person
Who fell so deep in
Lost their sight
Lost their chance to climb the mountain
To see our destination
All comes burning down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~An old bear, rams his ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wheelchair into
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the door, now peeling ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~with hope
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the doors corner, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~buckles.

"Let me get a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~he tugs back his chair

"Let me get a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One weak rotation

"a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~then another

"Oh, lord help me"
"Oh, lord help me"
"They won't even reason with me"

"Reason with me"
"Patty"
"Patty"
"Patty Can you come get me?"

"Kill me, lord"
"It's a matter of life or death"
"They won't help me"
"Lord help me"
"I won't"
"I won't"
"I won't"
"I won't"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The door clicks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A slow hum sounds as ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~two EMT's roll a ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~contented thin elder past ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~us
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~she glazes her eyes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~along the yellow ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wallpaper that coats the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~long hallway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~of Saint Joseph's, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Secure
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~De­mentia Ward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I, The Gatekeeper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~blockade the exit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~while the hum of ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~electricity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~keeps us, secure.

"What the hell are you doin'?"
"There's a fire!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I assure the bear there is ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~no fire.

"There will be!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I place my hand on the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~bears back, to assure ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~him
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~there­ will be a fire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I promise,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~that when the fire comes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I will not stand in his way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~That for now, at least
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~we can have no fire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~His back receives my ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~hand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~as I thank him, for not ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~leaving.

"THANK ME!? "
"Thank me for saving lives."

"I'm so..."
"I'm Through..."
"washed up"
"washed up"
"washed up"
"I'm washed up"
"washed out"
"I'm washed out lord"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The EMT's return, and ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~open the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I again, block the exit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I assure him, I am sorry

"they think this is a game"
"oh lord help me please"
"let there be a fire"
"push and help me out"
"he turned it off"
"he turned it off"
"I turned it on and he turned it off"
"should i try to turn it back on?"
"or will he punish me"
"and bring me back to my room"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~He reaches for the fire ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~alarm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I let him ponder, then ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~touch his hand

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I assure the bear, I do not ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~punish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a­nd watch a man, whom ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~earlier I caught weeping
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~invite the bear to come to ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~his room
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and take his medicine.

"why do you do this to me?"
"I just wanna go home"
"and see my family"

"a cult"
"I belong to a cult"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The man, whom earlier ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wept
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~poin­ts down the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wallpaper, to a phone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~with which, the bear may ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~call his family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Then the man, whom ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~earlier wept
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~leaves the bear and I, to ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~content another thin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~elder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~th­e bear, struggles ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~toward the phone

"Let me get a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~one weak rotation

"Let me get a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~then another

"A running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I bring him, down the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wallpaper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~and watch a woman, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~whom I earlier caught ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~smoking

"thank you"
"thank you"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~keep the phone, secure.

"You know, you're a miserable bitch!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Woman, whom I ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~earlier caught smoking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~forks her tongue.

"miserable bitch "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This poked, the bear.

"I own this place!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Catalyst to the elephant ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~of the zoo.

"Do you know who I am?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~His living wife, Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~spent sixty years, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~abused.

"miserable bitch"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~As the woman, whom I ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~had not yet caught ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~smoking,

"you bitch"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~tells the story,

"bitch"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Patty visited Saint ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joseph's, Secure
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dementia Ward.

"you bring me home now, you bitch"
"you bitch"
"bitch"
"bitch"
"bitch"
"bitch"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~~Patty was always ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~listening

"T H I S".
"I S  M Y".
"V A C A T I O N,  N O W".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~God too, was always ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~listening
"T H I S,  W I L L  B E  Y O U R".
"H O M E".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Patty was free now
"Y O U,  W I L L  N E V E R".
"G O  B A C K".
"T O  T H A T,  P L A C E".
"W H I C H  Y O U".
"C A L L,  H O M E".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Secure
"T H I S  I S  H O M E".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and for the first time in ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~sixty years
"T H I S  I S  Y O U R  H O M E".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Patty spoke,
"G O D  H E A R D  Y O U".
-
Patty is still alive and well
Patty is retired and has more children then toes.
I can tell you one thing Patty doesn't have.

to answer her phone, for the bear.

— The End —