Here I sit
in this big blue chair
where thousands have sat before.
stories of them
exist in graffiti marks
saying:
"*******"
"I'm so bored"
and perhaps
my favorite,
"I must not tell lies"

*******.
I think I'll always think that.
Even sitting in this big blue chair
I cannot escape you.
The words remind me of your constant presence
even though you're gone
you're still here.
Taking up space.
I could make my own imprint
and etch,
"*******, still"
but it wouldn't do justice.
That's only part of our story
and I don't want to confuse others
because at one time
I would have wrote:
"Love you, always."

I'm so bored
of the excuses
the should haves
could haves
but if you would have
I wouldn't have to listen
To your mind jabber
rolling off your tongue
unfiltered
prematurely being birthed
to spoken word.
I'll give you my two cents,
thoughts that are born
before they are developed
obliterate
and die
a tragic death;
escaping your fantasy.

I must not tell lies.
Fine.
scribble my truth-
permanently etch itself
into this big blue chair:

*******, still.
Love you,
Always.
Think before you speak.
I
wish I could get over

You.

I could have,
Should have,
But if I would have
Listened to the thunderous voices in my
Gut—
I wouldn’t have to regret these words
That left my mouth
Prematurely, unfiltered
Rolling off my childish tongue.

Eating bagel bites,
I heard the words
“I think I am
Falling in love
With you.”
The deepest sinking feeling in my chest,
Without a breath of clarity,
Or a drip of saliva
To swallow my lies,
I spit out the words
“I love you too…”
My instant regret.

He took a breath of relief
As if he was holding this in
For a lifetime.


What the actual ****?
What am I saying?
What am I doing?
How do my words affect others?
I ****** his whole world up.

Three simple words,
Power in simplicity—
Use them wisely,
Invest with care.
You never know how much you can
**** someone’s world up–
Make them go crazy,
Make yourself go crazy with regret.

Three simple words:
I love you.
I loved you.
BUT—
I was not in love with you.

****.

I hear you
in the music
I see you
in designs
I smell you
in pints
I taste you
in *******
I feel you

everywhere I go.

I hear you
In all the funky jazz beats
I feel you
In the rhythm
Even when I'm dancing with other men
You never leave my side
Our bodies
Electrified
Our souls
Intertwined.
Got me mesmerized
All wrapped up
In your rap tunes
You know how they make me feel
Like I'm floating
On the *** vibes
Totally lost in our world
You understand
My art
My love
My ***
They're all the same thing, you know.

I see you
In passing
In stores
In movies
In products
In fine dining establishments
This is when I know
I know you
When I can see you in the designs
In clothing
In an artist's painting
In a pair of shoes
The colors and shapes in a tie
All the art I see
I see you.

I smell you
In spliffs
Rolled in the finest tobacco
Packed exquisitely by you
Late nights after ***  
You'd roll one up for us
I'd feel like a ******* queen
In your arms
But now
I smell you in the morning
When the coffee's being made
Never have I ever
Woken up by your side
Without the boldness of your coffee
Greeting me
With your love

I taste you
In every whiskey cocktail
In every bartenders ice cubes
In every microbrew
I taste you mostly in the IPA
But some nights I taste you in porters
And chocolate beers
Most of the time
Your flavor shows up
In the finest French restaurants
That we used to adore
I'd always have my red wine
And you the whiskey.

We were in love
With each other's art
And that's when I figured out
That's all life is, is
Sharing each other's love
Through art
***
And mystery
You are my love
My past
My present
And my future
Even when you are not in my present
Or my future
You will always be with me
I will always hear you
In the music
See you
In paintings
Smell you
In spliffs
Taste you
In whiskey
and love you
Like I've never loved before.

I loved a man named Alex once
was a kiteboard instructor in Hood River.
Things are sour now,
Real ******' bad.
But he makes an appearance every so often.
Met a man at the bar tonight
introduced himself as Alex,
strike one.
Said he was visiting from Hood River,
strike two.
Asked: "you windsurf?"
Said: "no, kite."
****.

But such is a great story,
of two friends
who fell in love
with ideas
inspired by tequila
wrapped around the pleasures of the naked body

I wondered why this had never happened before?

You showed me your world
in your favorite beer
as I tried to show you
mine
in cards

but your world was better
more fun
adventurous
and blurry
so I let you grab me
and kiss me
and bring me to my bed
to share my world

It was a whirlwind romance
4 hours, tops.
I wouldn’t add or subtract
any time
you made me feel
like love was fun
silly
and perfect

and our story wouldn’t be so brilliant
if you were still here
you gave me one night
of the sweetest medicine
and now you’re off
enjoying other pleasures
with other women
in other lands
and all I can say is

thank you.

They always tell kids
"Just wait until you're ready"
Really wish I did.

Don't know why with you
You asked: "is this your first time?"
Face down on your bed.

In the north of Spain
Would travel to you again
Still sends me postcards.

The worst thing happened,
Never really felt the same.
Changed my whole world up.

My first ******,
I will love you forever
Think I was on top.

You were just one night
Ripped apart ******* ******
You weren't very good.

Bad night in April.
Had *** with an old friend,
The absolute worst.

Eating bagel bites
He told me that he loved me,
I really didn't.

Margarita mix
The next day you left for France
You were really big

Have this **** buddy
Only a daytime thing though,
Sees my whole body.

Mom loves the huckleberries
Picks ‘em up in the mountains,
Says it’s her therapy.
Swear she can sniff ‘em out like a bear,
Got a snouzer on her or something—
Always knows where they are hidden
But she says,
“Dad guides me.”
Always thought that was funny,
But he loved those hucks
Almost as much as his kids.

Maybe that’s why she goes up there…
To say hi,
Hang out with Dad,
Pick some berries,
******* about life,
Tell him his girls are doing just fine.

Huck heaven is what we say
When we find a good patch.
Can sit in there for hours…
Mom loves it.
Love this about mom.
Mom my rock.

Trendy, it is
to be unattached.
Just *******,
nothing else to it.
It simply is-
just *******.

I can ****
whoever I want
whenever I want
because that's what ******* feminism is, right?
To use my ******
and my body
in any way I
******* please.

My *****, my choice, right?

I can flash my ****,
show everyone my piercings-
and then demand respect.
Because that's what feminism is, right?

My body, my choice.

No.
My body, my ******* church.

When the **** did love go out of style?

All these trendies
just *******-
making just ******* a style,
persuading everyone to think it's ******* great
to expose your deepest self
to someone who doesn't even know
how you take your coffee.

All these ******* can't
**** me
the way a ******* lover
can love me-
blow my *******
brains out
shoot me to the *******
stars
tie me up
suffocate me
in the most intoxicating feeling
that'll make your *****
tingle
in jubilant joy-
make you never wanna ****
with any other
******
because they can't shoot you to the ******* stars
in ******
the way that love can.

****** is more than just
*******.

When the **** did it become cool to give little pieces of yourself to all the little ******* who never could make you come?

When the **** did it become cool to stop loving?
To stop caring?
To stop respecting?

Your body, your choice
Your *****, your choice
Your ****, your choice.
Your life, your choice.
But nothing is as good as love is-
nothing can make you feel better
like a good lover can.
Nothing can bring you up,
make you shine,
build your respect,

and *******-
as good
as good love can.

I loved watching  
your body light up
the first time
you felt me up

The medal
against my *******,
sit in diagonals
painted silver
they've found the perfect home  
against my soft skin
and your perfect lips

I want you
to feel them,
admire my art
and know this is not
what everyone sees

They are
lessons I have learned
in ***  
and love
the more your fingertips
explore
you will learn my mistakes
and heartbreak

When your tongue travels,
you are tasting everything
I pour
into my art
and feeling
all of my humanness
you are seducing
all of my dreams
and living
in my fantasy

Give me
the touch
I crave
tie me up
in your arms
and wrap me
in your skin
kiss me
with all the colors
of fire
let me feel
your kinda love
and allow me
to give you mine.

They always placed me here:
In the outfield,
With the dandelions
And the cartwheels.

Spinning round and round,
Until Rachel shouted,
"Hannah, kick it! Kick it!"

The ball was huge,
Ginormous—
A little Pluto.
I kicked it with all my might
Straight towards the grey city
With the tall skyscrapers
And pins and needles
Shooting towards the sky.

I promise you,
I didn't mean to.
But little Pluto came crashing down
On your city
And with the weight,
I killed you.

A little dandelion kick
And you were gone.

In your will,
You bought me a ticket to Paris
And $1,000 to spend on cheese.

But I couldn't leave.

I tried to confess
How much I forgive you
For using your words
When you were alive,
To exploit me.
But the sounds are caught in my throat
Clenched by my unruly fists,
Unable to unravel themselves
Into spoken word.
My lips mutter,
“I’M SO SORRY”
In big letters—
But the sound does not escape.


I crushed you with a dandelion kick,
And after all of this—
You still remembered my dream
And held onto me,
Placed me in your will.

Then I awoke—
Not in Paris,
Not shoving Brie in my face
Not wearing the heels I packed.

Jagged little pill
cigarette
wannabe
days like these
smudge
your lipstick.
truth is-
don't like the ******.
like it hard,
hard I like.
Rough.
Big.
Men.
Make you eat it
don't mind
long as I can
top it
**** your life up
**** sandwich
put mustard all over
clover sprouts
salt- pepper
say you hate it
musta ****** up
whip cream queen
dazzle delight
raspberry rhubarb
jam
make me feel things
faster
****, ****
french fries at midnight
brown beers
falafel *****
dynasty drunks
swear you're the one
only one
jive to my beast
keep up my
*******
eat me out
for hours-

Love you.

We're just ******* in the
mountains, like a couple of
mountains wolves biting into each others
flesh and having the greatest
meal           of all time.            4,000 feet above the
sea-level is where we like to       ****     the     most,
because the breeze cools our sweat
and only the birds can hear our
                                             howls.