I often see myself...

Sitting in the shade
of a lone old tree
set in the middle of a field,
on a warm, breezy afternoon.

Leaning upon the trunk,
I’d feel its gnarly bark
gently pressing into the softness
of my back.
Making it seem as though
in turn, the tree, too,
leaned on me.

As my fingers play
with the tips of grass
that grew lush around me,
I’d think of people I know.
And whom amongst them
would share this joy like I would.

I would spend many moments
concocting poetic lines in my head;
As my eyes trace the haphazard
flight of butterflies.

An occasional gust would come
and sweep up
the fragrance of nature into the air.

I inhale...

Sweetness...

It lingers strong for a brief moment
before receding into the folds
and blending in with the smell
of the earth and freshly trodden on
grass.

Such a day would only induce
calmness and peace.
Such a thought would seem too far
to grasp.
But such a dream keeps me
hoping.

Silly little dreamer with magnificent wings
Within his chest his heart beats with gold
This heart also bears of truth and stings
Stings with hurtful poison of eons old

He still marvels at his sun's majestic sight
But when dusk falls his sense took pride
The deceptions untold and half truths that bite
Shameful things that only devour him inside

Dusk falls with an exceptional ominous glow
The dreamer stayed even when his sun had set
He bellows his secrets as they will not show
Bellows with might, with disdain, with regret

In through the day he whispers of truth
He screamed of lies into the night
Lies he thought were harmless but uncouth
Truth that shone grim bereft of light

So what is truth and what is not
The dreamer cried hard for he is lost
He spat on the terms that in he has bought
Terms of which he is now paying the cost

It seems the dreamer did not come alone
There are four others that haunt in tow
He hides them away like skeleton and bone
He was afraid that his love would come to know

He once was young and know not of life
Born and bred to show respect and above
Against his will he foolishly wed a wife
His heart had died for he was never in love

He performed his bid as a dutiful partner
He feigned his interest as in it was hollow
A life so unjust, his grew devoid of vigour
Nevertheless three younglings would follow

It's too late now he has himself to blame
It's too late now he'll die an empty shell
It's too late now fear he'll bring forth shame
It's too late now breathing this life is truly hell

A heavy price for a mistake he made
He could've spoken and lived his way
Afraid of actions that father forbade
Nightly he mourns for his beatless heart so grey

He knows he can never swallow his plight
He's crying and desperation grew fat and stout
Unfathomably strong, reality's grip so tight
He devised feeble means that meant breaking out

It wasn't so simple to undo such a knot
It's not so easy for a vow to be forgot
If he stayed, his life would be for naught
Living through dreams was the help he'd sought

His travels are wide, limitless and grand
A portal to which he would seek to escape
Grants him strength for the life he has to withstand
Grants him healing for his wounds that gape

Truth be told he wasn't looking for anything
It was not love even if he had the chance
He craves for what solace his dreams would bring
Finding love was all sheer happenstance

In his dreamworld he drifts aloft
He blinds himself with music and art
He then meets his sun she was beckoning so soft
The colours returned for he has found his heart

Unbelievably pure and incredibly true
His heart could dance, flutter and even soar
Feelings he had that he never truly knew
Emotions so great he's never felt before

With this find he had found himself
Felt like he had just been born
He was locked away in a dark dank shelf
With conviction, his love he had announced and sworn

Common sense is saying, "You're digging your grave"
The dreamer insists on swimming in steep
"Swim up now and be worthy of a narrow save
We know not what lurks in waters so deep"

The dreamer listens for he's got to hear
He knows he needs to fight his doubt and fear
He knows one truth and it rings perfectly clear
He has found true love and it is here

Why am I such a silly little dreamer
On my knees, I've stripped myself bare
Only you can grant love, hope and a glimmer
Or you could send me to the depths and leave me there

I hear your shuffling footsteps right outside my door
I know what you seek with troubled heart and weary feet
Your trip has been long, draining your body sore
Come in, I've been expecting you... Finally we meet

You settle yourself, right there, opposite of me
Let me look at you... Let me observe just a little
I can see through you, read you like a book, almost instantly
You've come with resolve so frail, fragile and brittle

I know why you're here and the questions that plague
I know why you've travelled long, over land so far
I am aware of your dark secrets and truths so vague
You don't have to say... I feel the invisible scars

I shut my eyes as I summon the
powers of my ball
Let me recite my mantra to invite those who would come
I whisper things you may hear or not at all
Ahh... One has arrived, soon... Soon will arrive some

Looking into my orb with concentrated gaze
Breathe easy, Cracked One... Be not afraid of its sinister glow
You can see the energy surging in a torrential blaze
Rest easy, Lost One... Very soon it will all show

In one hand, I have my tarot cards on display
Don't be frightened when I begin to convulse uncontrollably
Of all the cards that fall, one would stubbornly stay
That one will have much to tell, together we'll see

I'm trembling now, remember... Be not wary
The card is now chosen, face down I lay it still
Take it but you may not understand the markings you see
I'll take it in my hand to make sense of it by feel

I have your card, now I must resume my chanting
You hear me speak in a language only known to a few
It may sound raucous, the words I'm mouthing
Be not startled, Broken One... We are almost through

It's time to close the ritual by touching skin with skin
Against your cheeks, you feel my warm touch
Look into my eyes and embrace the connection within
Now I know all, your eyes have revealed much

I have something for you... Now you must go
You look at me with confused eyes but still you must
Take this bundle... It contains all you need to know
Keep it safe, this parting gift to you I entrust

Leave now, don't take my next few words lightly
You must take heed these sacred words from lore
I say, "Do not open till the end of journey"
"Open only when in house, behind closed door"

I see you leave, disheartened by questions unanswered
Clutching the bundle, you slowly disappear in despair
I wish you well, dear Seeker... For all you've endured
Be safe and get home, you will find your answers there...

These eyes search
but I only see the insides of my lids.

These words I muster
do not make it past the sanctity of my chapped lips.

These ears hear the cries and celebration of the world I once knew
but yet... I do not.

This skin fray at its edges but still envelop
this strange familiar plane... And I struggle to find my bearing.

So I indulge...
In this little serving of death.

The quakes in my breath when I sleep,
I hear they’re frightening.

Yet I never do wake...

The jerks in my muscles when I sleep,
I hear they’re startling.

Yet I never do wake...

The beats in my chest when I sleep,
I hear they’re disconcerting.

Yet I never do wake...

Perhaps it’s because I was at my most comfortable.

I miss the roar of the fires...
The warmth of the flame
that fuels the luscious
red in me.

I despise the wiles
of indifferent clocks,
the incessant ticking...
That eats into skin and bone.

I anticipate the return of colour.
For all I see, only lingers
within the seemingly infinite
levels of grey.

But I loathe the notion...
That when that time
would finally arrive,
all would’ve turned to stone.

My heels had felt
harsh gravity
of the steep downhill...

My toes suffered,
the vicious bite
of the incline.

My soles had tasted
the everlasting bland
offered by the flat of the earth.

I know the distance.

Alas I run unequipped,
with a horse’s breath.

A self confessed dreamer
One that knew no bounds
Can't keep his mind in tether
It's always fleeing from the grounds

He'd always been the dreamer
Picking the shackles of reality
Always hopeful of finding another
A safe haven, an escape, a sanctuary

Madness is thought of this silly little dreamer
Forever bartering reality for a life of fantasy
"He's moonstruck", said one to the other
Obstinate still he chooses to wander free

Alas one day, he stumbled upon a jewel
Glistening, deceivingly within arm's reach
But a beautiful game was played so cruel
Fate wouldn't give easily what it could teach

Glimpses of undefined beauty
Himself drawn closer to this beacon
He craves for this gem so madly
Didn't care for what's to happen

He descended to the surface
One thing he just did realise
That the jewel wasn't in its place
But a reflection of another in the skies

He looked up, he spun and he squinted
Attempting this search he had just begun
For a moment he found himself to be blinded
For the jewel is indeed the sun

He marvels at her beauty
Till his eyes turned red and sore
But he doesn't stop even briefly
For she's the object of his adore

He gazes at his newfound muse
Till the day grew dim and late
When she sets he would hesitate and refuse
To return willingly to his ****** state

Through promise he returns daily
To catch his sun as she would rise
For she fills him with aplenty
And she listens to his forlorn cries

He loves her much as she did him
In each other's magic the two would bask
As time flits by, the day grows dreadfully dim
Too short a time from dawn till dusk

The dreamer waits patiently
As dusk turns to dawn
The dreamer waits painfully
For she will come then she'll be gone

This rise is somewhat special
For his love he had made known
She admits the love is reciprocal
For him her love had also grown

But the dreamer will soon come to realise
Out of reach his sun he can never kiss
Her bountiful love will be the ultimate prize
The prize he can never claim to be fully his

"Silly little dreamer feeding your childish dreams"
"Silly little dreamer what fanciful notions you make"
"Silly little dreamer you'll be ripped at the seams"
"Silly little dreamer not every heart you just can take"

He pays no heed to what the others say
He knows his chances run exceedingly slim
He's walking on tightrope that's doomed to fray
But what happens today is what really matters to him

I am that silly little dreamer
Whose feet is never on the ground
I have chosen to live part of my life in wonder
For it is you that I have found

.
take me into
the darkest recesses
of my existence

and

stoke the cold flames
of this night’s elegy -
that burns
flickerless and black.


.

November days sees me pummelled,
bashed and clubbed to a pulp.
Buried then exhumed...
Skin and bones,
hair and scalp.

Dusks watch me stretch,
warp and break.
Bitten, chewed and spat out.
So that I could come together...
So I could nurse
the same old doubt.

Nights abrade,
as they span for hours.
They sap, they wear.
They mock and they jeer.
There is bittersweetness in the solitude
where coherence of mind
is scarce and rare.

Dawns greet with tiptoeing feet.
Cradle my body where it had lain.
They resuscitate me. Fill me up.
They ward off nightly deaths
so I am reborn,
again and again...


Into
November.
.