And as I sit
With colors all around
There’s a hole in my heart
It’s source yet unfound
When I can fill this
Temporal void
Is up to the imagination
Of a very special boy
I leave everything to you
My life and my soul
Please finally complete me
To have and to hold
In this life and the next
I wish for nothing more
Then to finally feel happy
To no longer feel bored

I don't know what I did
The past is so blurry
I can't remember
What I did to deserve this
My mind won't leave me alone
But you will
My hands move on their own
Texting you again
I know you'll never love me too
I understand you're using me
But red flags through rose-tinted glasses
Just look like flags
Armed with my heart on my sleeve
And rose-tinted glasses
Ready for you to use me
Because pain is the only thing that's real

Scrolling through the past
Is informational
It reminds us of who we once were
And who we've become
Rediscovering feelings
We had almost forgotten we had
And we'd shared them with the world
And we didn't do half bad
I thought I'd never escape her
Her iron grip leaving bruises where she held us
But we did
We made it
Life got a little better for it too

We aren't fixed
We are still sad
We still have depression
But it's not as bad as it was
She's gone from our lives
Our abuser
Tormenter
Stepmother

And she dares to call herself a fighter

Before
In a time I can't remember
There was nothing but dark

Then you arrived
A sun to light up my world
Water to keep me alive

You were sweet like honey
With the right amount of sour
To keep things interesting

I made a mistake

I told you who I am

You may be supportive, sure
But you'd never change
For someone, you claimed to love

I was tossed aside
While you ventured out
For you next conquest

How could you
Someone as broken as me
Break me even more?

Keep quiet
Don't make a sound
Waking the monster is a bad idea
That come's with a painful end
Two soulless eyes stare up at you
A shell of a being
It's a body filled with hatred
For its mistakes and your happiness
It takes it from you when you least expect it
During a movie, or playing a game
You'll be fine one moment
Just living life
But then you speak too loud
Move too fast
And wake the monster within

My emotions are like water
Pouring out of a faucet
They sometimes are
Too hot
Too cold
Too much
Too little
And sometimes, they stop altogether

Have you thought to check up on me?
Have you thought about me?
Have you left your own head?
Or are you leaving me for dead?

Life’s crazy, huh?
Full of false accusations
Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you’ll act on it
Sometimes it’s better to shove emotions into the darkest place in your mind

I hope for the best but expect the worst
Am I a realist?
Or depressed?
Or just seeking attention?

All things considered, I shouldn’t be here
My mother should have aborted me and lived her life
But now she has me
Gods, I’ve caused her so much pain

One of these days, I’ll have to courage
To cut slightly too deep
To jump off the ledge
To pull the trigger

But for now, I take my anger and emptiness out on my flesh
Gray creating red
Moonlight shining through my window
As I hide what I’ve done

It’s not like I’m ashamed
I just don’t want to disappoint them
Everyone thinks so highly of me
It’d be best if I just disappeared

Like I never existed

The red stains my clothes as it soaks through
Creating wet spots on a black surface
Wearing dark colors hides the blood
Hides my true emotions

My true intentions.