The papers in my hand the knife is at my side, I thought I should say something before I went and died

Dear mom and dad, I say
I'm sorry it had to end this way
I'm sick of this world and struggling just to live day to day

Dear mom and dad
I know you tried to do your best but know that it's not your fault cause deep inside I'm just a mess

I tried to live the way you raised me, but it's hard when this world is so crazy

I take the knife in my hand and I kneel down on the floor, my hand moves to my neck this is what I've been waiting for

Suddenly a light fills my whole room and God looks at me and he tells me to stop, I look at him and I feel my knife drop

Whats going on, are you out of your mind? Put down the knife and we can leave all this behind

In anger I yell "do you know who I am?! The things in my life I deserve to be ******!"

I tried to live right but I can't deal no more, my parents health, and our dwindling wealth, this is easier for sure

I called to you in vain all those wasted years! I prayed and I fasted, I waited for you in tears!!

Not once did you answer a single plea that I cried! why appear now and suddenly care just before I died

The Lord raised himself up and his voice boomed like thunder,
"Listen to me carefully and learn to fear and wonder"

I am the God that dared to create you and though this life is hard to go through, you have a purpose and a place that I need you ready to go do

I bow my head and tears fall down, "Lord" I cry, "why would you use this broken ***?
A vessel to use I am not

There are others out there that have their lives together, people that have never faltered and never waiver"

The lord takes my hand and says, "see the scars on these wrists, signs that you went down spent time in despairs pits."

I want to use you in your brokenness and weakness, lack of faith and this bleakness

For in you with every scar, I can show off my glory and power, make the world tremble
And praise my name every hour

For in you they'll see what was broken and in pieces, something far stronger that is eternal and never ceases

Now stand up my son, for that is what you are, never doubt my presence again, no matter where you are.

I'm here to protect you, this life won't be easy, but I promise you I'm there, in the country, town, or city

I stand up from my grave, the knife back in my hand, I throw it far across the room, and then I slowly stand.

It's a war we wage, day after day, a fight inside that no other can keep at bay

But with my God I will stand strong, Shine a light in a world that praises the wrong.

Just when you think the hurricane subsided,
And found a place where peace resided,
Then comes a storm into your calm
A wound appears which heals to no balm,
Nothing can you do in the turbulent sea,
Nothing can save you from this destiny
Doomed to wander in the unknown
Forever separated and forever alone,
With none but your demons created by the mind,
If you can't forge ahead then you'll stay behind,
Behind in the muck and in the mire,
Doomed to drown for all there tire,
Unless you look not up but down,
Bow your head in prayer humbly facing the ground,
And if the Lord above deems to save you by his grace,
Then none will stop you from running his race.

Falling in love again
But scared to trust myself
Falling in love again
But putting it away on a shelf

The agony of my heart
Wrestles with my brain
Fighting over what to do
However simple and plain

I feel so alone
So hollow inside
It eats and gnaws at me
And makes me want to hide

The flame of love where
Every corner did it fill
And chased away every shadow
Is snuffed out and now chill

There's a hole there now
A chasm so great
So hard to fill
And so hard to abate

It's a monster that claws
Scratches and howls
It can't be satisfied by anything
Forever it prowls

I don't know what to do
Everything moved along just right
The fires lit I tended to
Helped them grow and fight

Then with a flash
A basket over hers was put
Snuffed out the flame
Left nothing but soot

My fire still raged
But alone it stood,
The other but coals
No fuel and no wood

Oh Lord above
Light it again I cry!
I can't stand it anymore
I'd rather breathe my last and die

The valleys too deep
The dark is too black
The road is too long
But there's no turning back

The road's been chosen
This burden to carry alone
The choices I make
I try to condone

Asked once how many I've saved
I looked up not knowing what to say
I can't remember them, the ones that live
For the saved are not the ones that stay

Six is the number I lost
Six that I revisit each night
What if something was different
Did I do it all right?

Six is the only number I count
For they are the ones I see
The ones that haunt my nights
The ones that stay with me