As I examine the contents of my soul
I’m disheartened by how much is missing,
and the condition of the remains
Over three years of regrowth;
over three years of growing pains
Your roots wove to every corner
The voids they left give me hell
After everything you put me through
It’s a feeling I know all too well

You came straight from hell
You *******
You ate my heart
Only to ditch
The future you promised me
Will no longer exist
With someone like you
You son a *****

I miss the words
You fed me daily
So incredibly nourishing
Though completely empty

I’m starving now
With no words to intake
Please come back
I don’t care that it was fake

Your teeth clench onto my skin as you struggle to contain your beautiful sounds
I admit, I feel more pleasure in physical pain than anything in this world these days
And although I love making you happy,
this careless intimacy that we share will never last a lifetime
Forgive me, I just crave the sweet chemicals that temporarily relieve this pain

The box calls to me from the corner of the room while I’m alone
It lures me in with hollow whispers
As I draw close to it I see a light peeking through
And like a child on Christmas I open it as if its contents are unknown to me
Instantly, the creature inside swallows my mending heart leaving me empty
But your hunger is ever-present
And nothing will quench it
I break away only because you let me
Never a chase
After being free I immediately begin to heal
Only to be consumed once again

The most painful things within me
Will forever be hidden
Unleashing it will **** me instantly
So holding it back is my only option to delay the inevitable
It begs me to release it
As it tortures me it whispers into my ear
Death is my only freedom

With a buzzing chest I float into the abyss
Striving to recalibrate
Feeling the emptiness around me I regain my sense of meaningless
In the dark I don’t exist
No pressure
No expectations
No judgements
I feel total relief and utter bliss
I’ve abused this paradise in the past but not again
This time I will remain here forever

Wordless thoughts leak from the corners of my eyes
Each drip filled with so much meaning
I feel naked as my insides are exposed to the world
Darkness is my only comfort
It's the only mask I feel free to bury myself beneath
I allow it to embrace me while it keeps me hidden
I think I'm in love with nothing
More than ever
It's all I want to be