it's hard to say where i'm headed,
from time to time there's always decision,
back and forth and struggling to achieved,
Just my computer and me,
it's always been there like a  boy and his dog,
" Frankly as long as i breath my work is   going to be alive as i am",
" - To sooth this lonesome i rode along as the time changes"
" i forgot how fun it was just to write all the time"
" seeing all those fans just waiting for my another work"
it's always been like this a place of my own,
I go to usual place and go whenever i wanted,
I  felt the old flame again it's always good to feel that.

my mom say pray every night,
wake up every morning  be a voice  next day,
for whatever cause,
to join the military,
i was crossing through  rivers and jungles,
i hurt my self by a falling tree,
injured by an accident that i didn't notice,
but hey for whatever cause i serve my country,

i travel far across the map,
seeing so many cultures,
attend so humanitarian service  during my youth,
i'm glad not to ****,
i was trained to save people,
not many people know being a soldier as a meaning,
just not to hold a gun,
we showed up not to blow it up,
not to destroy  live,

not many people know i am a soldier,
i maintain my identity as a civilian,
outside the life we call the culture of man,
it took me so many years,
to understand how to be a true soldier,
i always cry to see one nation cry for help,
when their government didn't have a clue,
they have written their names in blood,

you are not alone,
just remember that we are here to serve you,
so you can sleep soundly at night,
give you food when you're government didn't care,
although i am sick and tired the enemy mischief,
i'm thankful each day i don't take one life,
we are trained to understand to each  situation.

mother i know you worked so hard,
long time ago we had nothing,
but you  get us anything that we wanted,
i am grateful for what you done to my me and brother,
still abusive father still do whatever he wants,
and you were there comfort us.

i never asked much a love is enough,
to me when you cried that night,
i was depressed whole day,
you inspired me the moment i laid on your work,
you wrote stories day and night,
and i become your number one fan,
without you're work that inspired me to write my own poetry,
although i despise for what dad did to us,
all i can ignore the pain away.

mother thank you for all this years that you helped me,
you  the only person that helped when i'm lost,
i never truly understand how a mother would think,
even tho people thought you are selfish and mean,
but they don't understand  you  like i do,
it doesn't matter a thing to me when people gave bad criticism.

as i stared into darkest glimpse of the highland tower,
i feel a slight glint of an eye staring at me in the dark,
i ran as fast as i can but the eye kept following me,
managed to hide in a room and it was long gone,
it was bound to earth with no where to go,
its raining and i cant go home,
soaked in a revolting water smells from the ceiling,
i point my camera with heavy breathing,
not knowing what come after me,
i close my eyes and pray for the lord,
as the hour gone by i was trapped in a corner and cant escape the fear,
what is real fear i asked my self,
i kept asking the same question over and over in hopes  of a clear way,
i kept shouting random names in hope to find my friend,
we got separated between levels of the tower,
" Khai! where are you" i shouted,
for some reason our walkies don't work,
it just static over a creepy sound,
i walked 50 minutes  to a destination and feel tired,
i passed out in middle of dark hallway and  took a  nap,
i keep having this visions where eyes laid on my sleeping body,
but then again who  am i  to judged this feeling,
my skepticism is high on this one,
i refused to believed it but it kept appearing in my eyes,
the next day we finally escaped at the highland tower,
it was truly frightening experience with just the two of us
we pray after the exit and beg forgiveness to the spirits,
in hopes they wont follow us back.

sometimes i think shes hiding,
her tears and all sadness in her emotions,
i always think this differently,
yet i try different ways to be good,
but i always ended in failures,
i don't know what i done,
but every-time i pray on rosary that someday shell be happy.

let me experience your smile again,
let me dry all those sorrows away.

i remember when i said you were mine,
but you left alone all alone,
i always ask this question why,
do you decided to part away from me.

let me pray for your compassion,
let me understand your passion,

like a flower to an endless confession,
its was  once you stood on a standing stone,
behind a a tall tree,
they say love is so cruel,
which is true  that doesn't belong in one place,
but we were born there,
our name was carved on the wood.

i wrote this song to show my love to you
but you walking away from me slowly
the day i lost you its the darkest day for me
it makes my inner soul numb.

wish i was near with you
they say everything love isn't nothing new
made one but its completely ignored
but when you say you make a river
they wanted to move the mountains
away with the disire.

as i looked through the window outside,
wondering how people went on their lives,
on a long journey outside man's creations,
virtually impossible to comprehend,
we use to think how Pharaohs build the pyramid,
or the Mayan  philosophy  that shaped mankind through the future.

I believe  there's more life to offer,
whether its fortune or the inexpensive experience,
or to invent something new,
we claim this earth and no "other" beings ever dare to spoke about,
so enjoy these while it lasted,

I pity those who  don't appreciate their own,
think this what you can see what tomorrow has to offer,
such an amazing myriad of opinions,
so the  end and where it goes,
or to strip its content to see the other side.

it's December i say,
and i  was excited to see my school ended next week,
this story isn't just about ghosts,
but a living memory that lives with me forever,
one day my teacher ms Margarete asked me to carry boxes,
"oh ron would you be a dear to carry this heavy  things for me " she said,
far across the left wing of the school,
its most darkest part of the school where lights often flickering,
and you almost hear footsteps coming but no one was there to be seen,
this school was known across the continent of Borneo,
are the oldest school that pioneered the start of WW2 in Asian front,
the original residence of the school was  for British soldiers,
back when the  British still colonized south east Asia,
then i heard stories about  people see  reflection of souls of the fallen,
what sad about this story  not only these spirits felt oblivious,
knowing its 2009 and not 1945 they still relived their duty,
to protect this school from invading Japanese elites,
i took small steps having my guard up for surprises,
a corner that adjacent to the storage room,
"****!" i say out loud to myself.

i have this strange phobias when it come to corners,
and got scared easily,
i have no friends to accompany me  that time,
because everyone is busy preparing last term of the day,
its time to face my fears so i forced my self
to complete that task i was given,
then something weird happened,
i hear what sounded like people talking
but i cant make  the sound,
" What the hell was that"  i whispered to my self,
i ignored it the more and more ignored that voice,
creeping through my ear drum.

as if you were in their presence  when they still alive,
i left the box  behind the storage door and i heard this
" Oy! don't litter ****** things everywhere child!"
i ran as fast as i can and that distinct British accent,
just scared the living crap out of me,

there were no English teachers even active at the time
only local teachers that are in that building working,
still through this day  hearing that class a voice manifesting
led me thinking why the hell i didn't bring my recorder.

Canto I

Sit down my son and let me tell you the wonders of discovery,
long time ago our founders and its Engineers discovered ash,
from the ash they create  walls that able to dispel evil from our land,
from ash they able to create shelter,
so  our head won't felt the wrath of Zeus in the sleepiness night,
from ash  they able to disperse the hatred of Hades,
now as this ash extinguish its flame we can able to create peace inside,
that's not all they discovered,
after years and decades from sands they able to raise the strongest,
buildings that stand the test of time,
while our undying greed makes the best inventions,
fall to its empire.

now  you see  in the end no matter how strong one nation is,
they will never learn how to share those,
discovery greed and corruption will happened,
you take wrong turn and the people rebel against you,
so learn from your founders and your kings,
respect their hard work and the empire respected you.

i been busting my soul for one person,
working all night to satisfy the others,
regret that i felt nothing,
its not like i love you,
because i know you read my poetry everyday,
you gave me  muse the never ending ideas,
so i kept writing everyday.

You know i been locking my self,
to the world,
because of insecurity of others
that they don't trust

there was an old man that i meet,
few weeks ago,
what sadden me that his car broke down,
he told me that none of his child does not care of him,
prying and crying everyday,
to disinfection my sorrow,
to eliminate all negativity,
nothing that i ever done seems to satisfy people,
i been walking through all  these pain,
pain of others that i felt,

no matter how hard i sang my poetry,
it is my escape to see the other world,
a world that i create,
filled with stories that you probably don't understand,
is it not that i wanted to bury you,
i spare you from the cryings you carry,
i would not be sorry for the things you do too,
i would be not forget what the hard work you put me through,

i'm just one man that writes and draw,
a picture of you still in my pocket,
i did  looked at everyday,
i asked myself this everyday,
why do you  want to make people happy,
it is not my choice its is my job that i was  gone for,
yet i never complain nor never regret.

one to dictate and conquer,
while others divide,
to deliver  a letter on the other side,
all to pillage for its own victory,
consistency to met its satisfactions,
to mesmerize its sanctioned rule,
the constant space time ,
to reach to the hill,
and grab the flag for all ,
to meet resistance and its end of the road,
hail to the axe.

with the sword held higher,
ride your horses
and blow the trumpet
our triumph shall prevail
no more pawns to sacrifice.

to an epic battle that take place,
the high sand of red ash,
what would simply say and the comprehensions,
that take wild perception,
spare all those consciousness,
and all those who dethrone you,
slay them never forget the roots of your origin,
with all its glorious and its meaning .

nothing belong to  this wretched world,
eliminate anything that blocks your path,
with difference calculated,
fly all well with the wings of icarus on your back,
to follow the  chariot ,
and see it end,
the end of all ends ,
and its much clearer when you see the truth.

long time ago in distant place
where all t he pain stored
sorrow pleaded its mercy
while others just sitting
on their ****** throne
controlling pulling strings
crippling their life

i know the history of that place
nothing worth to remember
nothing to blame
just cry and disturbed
as i watch the walls crumbling down

no matter how much  fact you throw
the less you saw them the better
just to forget by time
let them lived in peace

as far you dove inside their mind
understanding their pain
they wrote everyday  letter
hoping their parents
hearing their cries
it is they do not desire
they  had no choice
to be on this place  
to find dissonance and reconciliation.

i walked to the valley of death,
Praying and hoping these demons don't see me,
As i seen a lonely old woman weeping in her own grave,
i asked her "Why?",
she replied " My Son has disowned me as a mother",
i replied with  calm voice " Why is that?",
" Because i try to poison him once" She sobbed furiously,
" Why do you do that" I responded with hatred in my voice,
" Because i don't want my valued Possession to him!" she shouted,
her voice  echoed towards the dark hall,
I was beaten by fear as i stared down to the ground walking slowly.

my second encounter is an old man covered in black  mold,
" Help me" pleaded the old man,
i closed my eyes just how terrifying it was,
then i asked him why is he covered in mold,
" I try to seize body and throw them into a pit" ,
Oh my god i pray to them everyday,
Please reconcile these souls and let them to the right path,
i woke up the next day sweating,
and i was crying i reflect  what my sins on the past,
the hatred i gave to my father for a reason,
i seriously start to reconsider after that.