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Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Attention seeker?
Na, I'm far worse than that
What I seek is Approval.
What use is attention?*
I don't want to be seen,
Not yet anyway
Until I'm sure
It will be greeted positively,
And I resent it
Why should I let you be
The judge of me?
I Shouldn't.
I should just be ME
Just something I seek to change in myself
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
When all's said and done

I just hope I did some good

And had some *fun
I tread a fine line between the deadly serious and the ridiculous. I was blessed with being extremely emotional and complex coupled with a pretty good sense of humour and mischief, and I believe my life journey is to find the balance as I'm sure it is for a lot of us. I've realised that going back to simple truths is a good place to start when you're in need of some perspective.
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Don't walk round eggshells with me

Until your feet bleed

It just (chicken) feeds the *insecurity!
I feel like people aren't straight up with me cause they fear my reaction (which in all honesty they probably should at times I can fly off the handle and take things personally) but having said that I hope most know that deep down I appreciate it a lot of the time and understand. The love I have for plain talking people in life knows no bounds, they let a doubtful person know where they stand and inspire me to reciprocate such honesty. Of course within a limit, not to a ridiculously cruel extent, judgement is crucial.
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Here's to the guy
Who came up to me in
My anxiety fuelled time of need
As I waited for a long overdue meet
At Kings Cross Station
Bag of skittles in hand
Opened them up
And poured the rainbow into
my palm all sweaty
"What's your name?"
"Rhian"
"I'm Jack"
And smiled at me.
Left to spread the glee
Amongst the folk surrounding me.
Left me laughing
with this little act of kindness
Made me once again believe
that someone was watching over me,
Sending angels to let me
know it's not so bad really
and offer relief.

And Here's to Jack
Who stood up in class in year 3
And declared his love for me
Incredibly loudly
As I sunk down in my seat
Wishing the ground beneath
My feet would open up
And swallow me.
Made me shy around guys
For a good part of my life
Subsequently.

And here's to Jack
Who I met a few years later
With the Ashwarya Rai eyes
Face of an angel, little devil mentality.
Used to get on well, he was funny
beat him at Tekken in play scheme.
Didn't believe it when my friends
told me he was a bit crazy,
Till the next year he fell in
with the wrong crowd and made me
wary with his manic tendencies
Made me cry one time with his teasing,
his spiteful streak
Punched my friend Rosie
Gave her a black eye
cause he was angry
Laughed about it as he got kicked out
Was from a rocky background
It's sad he wasn't even a teen.

And lastly and most importantly
here's to Jak without a "C"
From the Weird Bond-age
 and the most special to me.
A beautiful human being
With a karma chameleon personality
Playing the accommodating game
As he adapts to what you need
Psychology, sociology, Bubbleology?!
Made me happy during a time
I didn't think I'd be
Hot stepped it around the city
With me when I was at my most lonely
Strolling down central streets,
sitting in Maccy D's
having them DMCS
Funny Valentine's dashes
and Christmas eve.
Held my hand and held me
As I cried and denied
My feelings and grief
Accepted me when I was angry
First person I argued with
outside of my family
And though it was stress
You allowed me to express
myself honestly
I loved you before that
but for that I will eternally.
I didn't do right by you
Cause I had nothing left to give
For me independence is key
So I couldn't be what you
wanted me to be
And though
we no longer speak
You're in my thoughts, my heart
and in my memory
For an eternity
You truly touched me you see
and maybe one day
you'll forgive me
And I will myself
But no matter what
I hope you're happy
Cause you deserve to be.
Hmmm I've met a few Jacks in my life, and they've all made an impression, not sure if it's a coincidence or a sign but it did make me think
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Am I just supposed to keep putting myself in predicaments of pain?
Feeling the impending rejection time and again
Second guessing till I'm driven insane
Losing patience in this waiting game
Unsure if there's anything to gain
Amongst all this loss
Reason I walked away in the first place
Rebounded back as I felt the strain
Hoping things would change
But have they?
Have they changed?
I don't think so
And is it my right to wish it?
Have I changed?
I don't know
And though it's hard to admit it
What I want to grow
Is not what I need to grow
And though I'm reaching my limit
This was all about letting go
From the start right to the *finish
Letting go is one one the hardest lessons we all face in life, but a very necessary one. Part of me doesn't even want to post this, cause I don't want to believe my inner honesty, dang...
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Piece
        by
            Piece
                         I'll

                                find
      
                                               my

                                                         **Peace
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