I wonder if like a storm you are
unaware of the damage you inflict.
Flooding these walls with screams,
shattering the fragility of our home.

I assume you are too caught up
within your own struggles to break free.
The wrath of your thoughts and those
calculating fingers rake your flesh.

Etching violent artistry's to your soulless
voids. Little needles which pin-***** at
the dark corners of your mind; awakening
the dormant cruelty sheltered within.

It is only through the cusp of night that
apologies emerge as you feign delicacy.
Your liquid skies fade to hellish hues as
you tell me not to lust after hurricanes.

i'm a bad person because
i cannot love you as you deserve to be loved
i used to write about anonymous men
who thunder through this world,
leaving cracks in the sky
to the women that love them.
but here i am now,
i am just as heinous as the clouds that
block the sun when the earth needs it most.

i have lost my ability to tiptoe
over my anger.
when i'm sad i don't know myself
or you anymore.
my depression makes me see
those who love me as the enemy,
i'm fighting the people who try
to help me,
sometimes i wish they'd see me
as a lost cause.
they're all just trying to
get me out of the smoke so
i can see properly,
but it's too deep into my lungs now,
they're charred by the ash.

you said you wished we could,
i quote: "just be happy"
and i'm apologizing again
because it's always my fault.
i wonder if abusive people know
they are abusive?
i am bad for knowing that i spew
toxicity on everything we grow.
i am bad for not stopping myself,
because my emotions control me as though
i'm merely chemical mass in my head,
not a soul, or a person who
wants to be better.

i'm so sorry, i can't be the good person,
i shouldn't make excuses,
because somewhere under all the illness
i am there.
the more i cry apologies,
the more meaningless they become,
until i send you away by
wanting you closer.

that you saw every part of me
fall apart like the house we live in.
i watched you freeze over
like a lake in winter,
when i asked
why my stuff was left packed
by the door.

sometimes i feel like a kid
running towards the cars,
without looking twice,
because you forgot to tell me i need
to look both ways.

i wish i knew then i shouldn't have to beg
to be treated like i'm wanted.
i need not reach for a hand
that slaps mine away,
or pulls apart like the sea from a shore
which begs to kissed.

i think you forgot love isn't all beautiful,
it's waking up to your stinking breath in the morning
and kissing you,
it's being in an multiple choice exam
but the answer i always circle is you.
it's being in the ring and
choosing not to throw the punches
despite the raw screaming,
and the crowd cheering.

i still catch a breath,
when i think how ****** up it was that
you drove me to see an old friend
you hadn't seen in years
and joked about our future like there was one,
when you were planning
on ending it the same weekend.

i still remember your stares,
the pebbles on the beach,
the kids ride you made me sit on with you
because you thought it would be scary
but the only scary thing was
you telling me you loved me,
when you hated me.

nowadays i get so angry when i hear
other people debate what love is,
when i've known and i've lost.
but i'm so ******* glad you never read
any of my poetry.
because that will be just another thing
you don't understand,
alongside what love is.

Love me so deeply it hurts
I want raw love,
Love that festers like an open wound
if left untreated

Crave me like a smoker
who can't quit their bad habits
I'll be your nicotine
If you keep coming back for more

Touch me like I'm the masterpiece
of the art museum
They tell you not to touch
but you can't resist

Experience me like a joy ride
a rare kind of high
Let our love kindle like a flame
don't let it blow out