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I’ve written about this before—
the missing piece.

Yes, the piece is already here.
I don’t need to search for anything.

Who said emptiness must be filled?
Who said it’s even empty?
Couldn’t it be a wound
that only needs to heal?

I am already whole.
I just need to be aware of it—
and that
is the hardest part.
These walls are not the only thing enclosing me
a cage sits in my mind,
growing tighter and tighter
And I somehow feel them on my arms

The bars, sinking into my skin,
restricting my breath
while gas steals in,
suffocating me with stealth

Through the metal,
I somehow see their eyes
through the dark
I can feel their smiles.

It's like I'm in a fist
A closed one that,
tightens
with every move.

The paralysis sets in,
my limbs go numb
I cower in fear
As I see the thumb
It's the last nail in
my coffin.
I think, leme stop moving.
It will pass
I'll be alive
That's a big ask

I have to hold it in,
my breath, my voice, my thoughts
my chances are slim
How'd I get caught?
The pain
that tears through my chest,
from top to bottom—
there are no words
to truly describe it.

It is only
pain.
You chose to move on
and I respect that.
I’m sorry—
truly, deeply sorry—
for destroying us.

I miss us.
I miss the love
that was more attachment
and dependence
than anything else,
but still—
it was something.
It was family.
My mind
keeps whispering
that what I’ve done
is unforgivable.

— I am not worthy
One day,
these tears will stop falling.
The well will run dry,
and I will be able
to smile again.
I climbed out of a well
and swore
I’d never go back.

But this one is different—
it carries
the bitter taste
of suffering.
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