Sweat swallows my skin
Pain in my chest has burned for ten minutes straight
I cannot stop
One more
One more
One more
always one more sit up
Throw up one more time
Skip one more meal
I have loved boys with ******* addictions and girls who didn't even have the intention of remembering my name let alone be my friend
Yet, I still can't learn to love my body
As I look in the mirror
Salt soaked tears flow down my face
I pull at my skin like maybe if I pull hard enough it'll rip off
My brain is bashing against the side of my heads crying and screaming and begging me to stop
The same head tells me
I'm too heavy
Too big
Too wide
Too this
Too that
let me just say I'm ******* sick of being "too"
I'm ready to gain back my years I lost to calories
Gain back the hours of sleep I lost thinking about how much I ate
Gain back all the times I put myself down just to lose one more pound
I don't know how
But I'm through living in a world of "too"s and "one more"s

i’m tired of feeling
like i wanna die
all the time
it makes me feel
sick inside because
i wanna be here for you
and i wanna keep
holding your hand
but i feel so blue
all the time
i don’t know how
to keep staying alive

i don’t want help anymore
i tried and tried but
nothing ever saved me
and i cried and cried
because i still
wanna die
i love you so much but
i wanna say goodbye
yet still stay by your side

i waste everyday
“living my life”
but i sit here and
wonder what it would be like
if i took my own life
i wish i could get better
but i’m permanently stuck
losing my mind
to the sadness that fills
the blood in my veins
which goes directly
to my brain

I never believed in ghosts
Until she told me to move on
I’ve been sticking to the shadows
Of the past, trying to bring to life
What once made me feel so alive
I often wonder, when love fades away
Did it ever exist in the first place
Or was it the ghost of something
That died long ago

Don’t you ever get tired of being defensive,
on guard,
on the waiting call to strike back and move forward?
Don’t you ever feel restless for a minute of peace in the world,
in yourself?

Another empty whisky bottle lays at the end of that table
and still there’s no hope to be found.

You fight to hold on,
you fight to stay strong.

Finger on the gun,
you’re not going home today.

The fight’s not done,
the war ain’t won.

A man on a ledge, ready to jump.

i have been there.
i have seen what lies on the other side
of this pain you feel,
and i know it may not seem
like it will ever end,
like it will ever heal,
and part of you really wants it to be gone,
and another part wants to hold onto it,
caught between agony and ecstasy,
and in the end -
you're just not certain what will happen
or where it will end up.
you want to know,
but you're afraid of the answer.
yes, i have been there, too,
and i have learned only one thing:
it is survivable,
and when you come out the other side,
you will be stronger than you ever imagined.

Careful.
I’m fragile.
A heart made of glass.
Reflecting light throughout myself with each passing glance.
Shimmering,
A diamond.
But not as strong as I seem.
If I cut through glass does that mean I cut through myself?
Ruby seeps from my slippers staining the floor.
There is no place like a dream.
Opalescent,
but empty.
Carved from hopeless tears that dropped and froze.
Sharp edges melt if you hold them close enough.
And fill up the open space if you chase away the cold.
Crystal,
A gem.
Galaxies swirl and spin as you play with my emotions.
A vortex of sweltering heat turning
glass,
a diamond,
an opalescent crystal,
Into a compliant putty in your hands,
Soft and yielding after your warmth shattered the frost encasing it.
Careful,
I’m fragile.
Though even if I am engulfed by flames.
I can't promise I won't covet the burn.

Girls like me are so hot
We are the sun burning into oblivion
Causing fires in the sky of your sheets
We're ghosts with beating hearts
Our minds concrete fires,
Wordless books, eroding cliffs.
All the things you started but could never finish.

Girls like me, we're unattainable.
You can only pretend you had us.
If only for a second before we disappear.
Moving like quicksand through your fingers.
Leaving you grasping at the air for nothing.
You'll wonder if your imagination
Struck cruel again.

Our lips won't offer you salvation.
You won't find peace in our bodies.
We kiss with scarred knuckles
We do not love gently, if we love at all.
You can hold us tightly but we won't break
Girls like me are made of marble;
Not even fire can **** us.

Us hurricane girls are the devils delight.
We consume souls with delicate fingers.
Nails red and perfectly manicured to a point.
Our lips plush; the taste of cherry and blood.
We paint our desires on our fingertips
Leaving traces of them on everything we touch
We're disasters but we're oh so beautiful