Every time that I sleep
I pray that I'm reaped
Because I don't wanna keep
Going on, I hate me
I don't wanna live
And I don't wanna give
Any more attention to
This world of *******
And every time I wake up
I hate my own ******* guts
And I hope that I choke
Or just die or get ******
Cuz I've tried way too ******* hard
To keep pulling the last card
And looking for glass shards
So I can finally give up
And you tell me that I'm ******* lazy
But I'm so depressed that I feel like I'm crazy
I can't get off of this couch
And I can't even be seen with my kids or go out
And I'm glad that my dad didn't
Give my the shotgun
Because you'd find me with
My head undone
And somehow I just keep going
Probably just because of Clem and of Rowan

You disregard all the loyalty
That I've put in to this
Business that you
Blindly ignore, see
I've been here before and
I know that I'm going
Through way too much *******
For you and for yours
But I'm still working hard
And I'm not gonna start
Getting into the **** that
You only exacerbate
You could make my life easier
But all you do is make me wanna see you
In an alley way so I can say
What I've always been thinking
And then ******* in all the
Holes in your face
So do me a favor and give me a reason
To end my whole life in this beautiful season
Cuz I'm ready to ******* up,
I'm ready to spill my guts
I'm ready to die because
I don't give a ****

I am
Not the person that you think I am
If I was
Then I would still be in the can
In the paper, the news,
That's up to you, my man
I'll defend myself any way I can

The only reason you haven't
Found me in a tavern
****** up on my *******
And my habits
Is because I know that
If my kids wake up
And find me in a tub
With my wrists all slit up
Then they'll be just like me
Which is going to be immediately
A trauma for them to face
Another CPS case
And then they'll be left
With their mom who's a basketcase
And I'm done acting like this isn't a tribute
To the only person who understands too
Shout out to Em for giving me the guts
To get so ******* that I stand the **** up
And tell God to leave me alone
Because I can't even sleep in my own ******* home
And I'm tired of courtrooms
I'm tired of jail cells
I'm tired of living
In this eternal hell
So one day I'm just gonna stop being me
And hopefully it'll be in my sleep
So I can have a nice funeral
And leave a good policy
Because is not what I wanted my life to be

I am
Not the person that you think I am
If I was, I'd still be in the can
In the paper, the news, that's up to you my man
I'll defend myself however I can

I'm so sick and tired
Of knowing I'll never retire
That sometime I wish
I would die in a fire
And I'm not spinning fables
And I'm about to flip tables
No I'm not gonna be able to
Make myself disabled
But I'm already there
In my head, I don't care
The only reason
That I'm still not impaired
Is that I haven't been ready
To finally end my own story
Because in my mind
Suicide ******* bores me
But if you get in my ******* way
Just know that I'm done
And it'll be your last day
On this earth that you've taken for granted
I won't even plan it
I'll just run into you
And your *** will be branded
With the very last name that you'll hear
And it'll be the name of a non binary queer
And I hope that this ****** you off
Because I'm done keeping my mouth shut, yeah it's on

I am
Not the person you think I am
If I was, I'd still be in the can
In the paper, the news, that's up to you my man
I'll defend myself in any way I can

(I'm just playing Slim, you know I love you)

So much to say, which means so little;
So little to say, what that means much.
These ends we face, often,
Come on fast and taper out just as such.
What that remains: naught but thought.
Loose and multiplicitous as strands,
Hair of the artist's brush,
Colors as the richest palette -
Bold & bright, deep & dark

If comparison were forced,
No flower would match your beauty.
Every rose would pale
Trying to meet the measure
Of that which I see,
Of how much you mean to me

There is no greater pleasure,
Than pressure,
When our two bodies meet

Singing your praise

In my ocean, you are the tides
The only thing to stir to life
Rivers of crimson within,
Areas grey & white
Were I the fish, you could eat
Forgo a day, for an eternity
You could cast from my soul,
Wade my streams

This is an ever-refreshing circle of
long for-love-attach-suffer for

and when I eat food
they are the blandest meals
for I must avoid any taste of salt
because salt tastes like you...
and when I recall
how sweet
you are
I hurt


and I should not hurt.

if I don't hurt, i will not be deserted, and then i will not hurt.
circle logic.

at least it has a shape.
Otherwise, what form does a life take?
What sense does this world make?
And so, i stay, inside the circuit,
because I have not learned to lead myself away
and if I were to learn that I love myself,
and that I cause this hurt to myself,
I don't know how I could ever forgive me.

There's a difference between being with someone, and loving someone.

There's a difference between having a place to sleep at night, and having a home.

There's a difference between being lonely,
and being alone.

beautiful round ***,
a firm smack
it smacks back  
fast pace
you looking back
moans morph to screams,
I could get use to that
begging for more
and I reach back
some deep strokes
I love that