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Pen Lux Jan 2015
half a cup of coffee this morning
better than nothing
getting a ride this morning
worse than walking
faster than walking
saving some time
killing the planet
exercise today
the couch won't be too lonely
the internet has many friends
exercise today
your patience
as you speed through the day
exercise your mind
keep talking away
--trying to write every day, sorry if it ain't so great--
Pen Lux Apr 2013
I feed
on blood
**** me
**** that
I am weak
cannot choose
this isn't poetry
but neither are you.
Pen Lux Dec 2010
I wish: that you spoke softer
because I can't speak
any louder than this
and it's really hard
to try and find an answer in a kiss
and: it doesn't matter what time it is
you wont get your wish.

even though they can feel the darkness of a thousand years
my friends still believe in shooting stars//

and if you want to read this
then maybe you should close your eyes
or think about what we've talked about
or drink more coffee with less sugar
and walk so that you don't have to pay for rides
because that money could be spent on a ticket out of here.
Pen Lux Apr 2014
living in a fantasy
nothing feels
nothing feels

twenty years old
still cold
in the light

if only my hands
were tied
skin never eyed

mouth zipped
no longer on my mind

teach me to touch
without having to hide
or shaking my pride
you're the shore
that's wrecked
by my tide

nothing feels
nothing feels
Pen Lux Jan 2011
I don't know how to react anymore
and I don't want to see or read
or feel these words anymore.

I'm back to:
too far past cold to:
too close to warm to:
go back.

I'm noticing pieces of me
that are pieces of you,
and pieces of him,
all bundled together in little buckets
and big buckets and zip-loc bags
and old mint tin cans,
see them spilling from your open spaces,
and hear them ringing in all of mine.
Mostly from the half of you that cares
or the half of you the matters because of it:
the deeply-colored-yet-rarely-touched,
the wide-spread-and-beggingly-waiting.
the almost-loving-but-definitely-can't.

Pen Lux Apr 2011
I like the way it sounds
when we're all bundled close,
looking over each others bodies
as if they were our own.

Wednesday's tomorrow,
I've already gained 5lbs thinking about it.
I wonder what you'll say,
and if I'll have enough breath to respond.

This animal is eating its way
outside of me, and when it does get out,
it's headed straight toward you.
Pen Lux May 2013
the more you hate
the more you waste
the more you lose control
Pen Lux May 2016
harmonizing with my inner self
not much food left on the shelf
but I am full, so full, I explode
bursting with self-expression
my explosions, although,
abrasive. often catch a
curious eye from the
distance and my
explosion's lux
is almost a

I am far
far out
not sure how long I will stay
not sure how long before I leave
all I know is that I need to believe
in myself and the consciousness I have been granted.

intelligence is not something to be feared,
rather, revered. perhaps my mind walks too fast,
gets stuck in the past, rewinds and repeats laps.
if my heart felt any different about the things I said,
then my soul might not matter, and my mind would be dead.
so rather than cry and worry about others opinions, others
clique par-say part-tea par-tay's. I shall say, HEY, I am me
and you are you, but don't put me down because of the
mistakes you make and the wrongs you do. I might
look **** when I cry, I might look **** when I cry,
I might, but it's no excuse for the abuse that all
these people seem to choose. I said it again,
and I say it again, patience is peace, and
peace is release. A lesson I still struggle
to maintain. I might look **** when
I cry, because peace is release, if I
choose to be, if I let it be. peel
back your eyes and see, I'm
a reflection of you, you're
a reflection of me.
Pen Lux Jun 2010
I pretend to be a doctor on my free time
Delivering free pizza to house wives

Playing games on my calculator
Arguing with the math teacher

Receiving a letter, spreading butter, taking my birth control.
I draw an animal poorly, and a corn dog.
Bottle rockets and fire crackers.
Steroids and M80’s.
I love life,
But not really,

‘Cause I have 18 kids.
Pen Lux Jun 2016
ten years
of writing
and sharing.
of erasing fear
from what I share.

a decade later
and I am asked
to be quiet, told,
I talk too much.
figuring, if I talk
too much, too quickly,
I have learned nothing.

so I write.

this place is safe
pen on page
words on screen
no real name
truly facing shame(s).

words can hurt
but writing can change,
an outlook, an image,
a feeling, a tone.

there's something about here
me, alone, with these words,
that stops the constant curiosity
of what others may say or do,
because with these forms of words,
only beauty may resound.

no, "telephone game"
of, "who said this, she said,
he said," distorted and mangled.
re-angled! painful miscommunications
avoided so simply. LOOK HERE, look here!
if you misunderstood, read again, or interpret.
these words were written for me and about me,
inspired, perhaps, by others actions or words,
but honesty can happen in abstract ways
much like the daze that follows, when one
says and they say, so instead, I choose to
hurt no one, on purpose or by mistake
instead I will express myself within
this realm of word play!
(it has been ten years since I wrote and shared my first poem with another person, and 7 since I have been sharing here on HP. I figured since I am no good at doing push ups, I will do a 22 poems in 22 days challenge! feel free to join and tag your poem 22 in 22)
Pen Lux Mar 2010
from the pool to the ground that we sat
our lives stretched for miles
like love melting in the bright gold sun
shading out the light with a black drop of night
everything bursts with shades from
blue to green to grey to red
our hands will gently clasp
glide by each other for a blink
don't pay attention to what distracts
skin tight clothes sticking to drenched bodies
drenched with the freshness of a new day
and all the happiness that we've been anticipating all along.
- From Contagious Energy
Pen Lux Aug 2022
good morning rain fall
no tears in this revelation
everything is soaked
life overflowing
pouring morning
take a drink of the dwindling spark
the King will be sacrificed
Pen Lux Aug 2022
keeping together through poetry
not running, but walking, home
the Fall is not so much as a leap
as a gentle floating from Summer
the Heat searing shut wounds
from the bitter chill of
Winter's thrusts,
broken trusts,
tucked guts,
now spreading out in gusts
of feeling in the wind,
the chill of Winter
returning, in tickles
down my spine, my sides,
curling, I twist, and hide.
Pen Lux Aug 2022
unsure and unfit
for love
doesn't sit comfortably
beside me

confidence deteriorating
burning core // frozen surface
tilted slightly and not at all perfect
Pen Lux Aug 2022
In this moment
a p a r t
from      y o u
My insides turn
heart compiling
filing and sorting
every other moment
when wearetogether
forever better?
heating weather
beaten leather
never cheddar
fallen feathers never made such loud a sound
as when I found you bound and turned around
your remnants scattered and littered the ground
which I had called home
Pen Lux Aug 2022
loosely gripped
onto plump lips
my pen shifts
supple movement
keeps me in the flow
as I shift from green stones
to the ocean: white and blue!

breaking down isn't an option
meditation and intention
spreading my wings with direction
Pen Lux Jan 2015
waiting for noise to write to
inspiration seeps through
tiny speakers, slowly, louder
cracking and breaking
bursting with emerald
sapphire and lavender
the scents and the colors of sound

like an ostrich in open desert
being approached by three lions
their breath silent and teeth shining
my mouth dries up in fear of theirs watering
it's true that some things never change
the only thing left to do is run away
knowing the truth of the scene
I smash my head into dirt

skull breaking
the earth is
taking me back
Pen Lux Jun 2010
pain seeping,
into my soul.

Forcing me
into a nightmare
of all my mistakes.
Forcing me
to remember.
Taking away my will
to let go
and create
a better me
of confusion
and hurt.

I’m tired of bloodshot eyes
and tear stained cheeks.
I want to tear it down
and scribble out the past.
I want to burn it down
and start all over again.

To escape these ruins
and create some sort of paradise.
Without the whiny,
needy, hurtful people
that get in my way.

Throw away
the things I’ve done,
the words I’ve said,
and the emotions I’ve made,
the expressions I got,
the people who hated me,
pitied me,
loved me;
throw them all away.

They don’t matter anymore.
Pen Lux May 2013
you are blinding
such as the light
of my life
when I see
no point in
Pen Lux Aug 2010
When ever we listen to that song,
I imagine you ******* him,
and it's perfect.
For both of us.
I know that sounds twisted, I guess because it is.
I don't care.
If I ever get the chance to kiss you,
I'll try and do my best not to smile,
or laugh.
Oh God, that would be the worst.
I hope your music makes you happy,
and your numbers,
and your pictures,
and your fish.
The next time you need someone to help clean up,
don't ask me,
I'll be miles away.

Does it make me important if you watch me while you eat?

I know I'm nervous because I'm afraid to swallow,
and it cracks my mold,
gulping down my last ounce of  dignity,
I choke on my tongue,
and strangle myself with embarrassment.

I'm hungry for your body, so I starve myself of everything else,
hoping you'll notice how thin I am,
and do something about it.

We'll watch each others reflections
because we both share a love for film.
I've been waiting for inspiration like this,
Pen Lux Aug 2010
"I need to be nowhere," He said.

I'm listening to a man that prays not to talk about religion,
I hope he likes my choices, because I want to feel his smile.
He knows everything about me, we've seen each other naked.
He often asks me what I'm thinking, and I tell him all my secrets,
because we're good with translation, and reading each others minds.

I'm meeting you in the middle of nowhere.

I can finally function, because I feel wonderful,
and even though my picture perfect moment goes unseen,
I feel fine because I carefully scream. Except I'm afraid to cry,
because I keep finding myself in the same place,
but I like to be in this town with you, we can get lost in each other,
and slowly wait for everything else to end.

"I often meet you there," She replied.
Pen Lux Apr 2014
evening talks
into morning
walks home
stronger alone

his bones are the needles
that ***** ink into my skin
I can't begin to fathom
the nerve stinging print
that sends me ringing
in my collar bones,
which ache from oversleeping,
can't see anyone today
I'm too busy dreaming.
Pen Lux May 2012
woke up back to back with another piece of myself and
tried to absorb dreams through his sleeping.
these attempts proved how useless a lot of what led to this moment were.
I’m clean, and in the dregs of my suffering heart,
playing my strings, smacking my keys, snapping with rings
of bruises. grease stains on my skin.
he was good *** in the moonlight
but he didn’t bring me the pleasure I so often seek.
“If I can’t find love with you, I’ll find it somewhere else.”
he’s a tangled leg, a darkened face
a mirrored mask.
I see him in the colors he avoids
in his search for solitude.
now it’s my turn.
and I’m going to bend.
Pen Lux Feb 2011
I want him to like my lipstick
and ask to kiss it off.

I want to take him
with me as I time travel

with a soul full of
futurelust so strong

it dims
and relieves

the cruel lights
all others.
Pen Lux Jun 2010
Intimidation consuming me into thoughts of you
wanting the intimacy
searching for your face in my mind
in the crowds of people who don’t matter
I’m tired of these cold nights with scratchy sheets
there’s mold on the wall and a toxic gas seeping through my pores
infecting my heart and mind
I don’t want to forget your face
just scratch the thought of calling you
creating different scenarios of what could have been
I cant stop wishing you were here
that I never met you
There’s a note on the door
it doesn’t say much
keep out 
go away
don’t know
just walk away
****** knuckles in my face
I know its mine from the taste
I close my eyes and plug my ears
try to block it out with my tears
the ground is cold
my body aches
wincing as my bone breaks
superstitions become reality as my face smashes through the mirror
just another seven years of bad luck I don’t need.
Pen Lux Sep 2010
I dont want to make this
a bigger deal

than it needs to be.

So I will just say it,

I love you.
Pen Lux Feb 2014
there's a dark girl I know
so beautiful
can't help but want a handful,
can't seem to help but get a mouthful
of words
all sputtered up and un-thought,
mostly stuff I thought I forgot.

I tell her my issues, my problems, my dreams,
she doesn't give me pain
no she doesn't give me grief
but she's twisted my beliefs.
reminds me I'm sensitive by letting me relax
without emotional tax, gives me love without pointing out the facts.

she found me two feet on the ground
and shook me, took me to the skies.
I was proud to be around such a daring creature,
I am proud to have been bound in such a brilliant gaze.

love is in all places all faces all things
but there is no substitution to what her friendship brings.
Pen Lux Apr 2014
the truest of true
the black in the blue
who could have knew
that this could be true
open wings, let us through
jumped with fear but we flew
think and believe because you can do
anything you want to
Pen Lux Apr 2012
at which point do we understand the desire of our longing?
do we eat the apple because we were told to, or is it the hunger
within ourselves that takes hold of the opportunity with it's teeth?

falling to our knees at feeding time
we've given chance clearance
in a crowded pathway of such desire
that so forwardly pushes
with elbows
soft as kisses, and eyes sharp as needles.
we need less to say
we shouldn't say a thing.

temptation to forget.

we think things over
and fold ourselves in
positions so that our
warmth carries and
passes through one
layer of skin to the next.

waiting and rushing
sinking and flushing
cover the hushing with laughter!
you've become so friendly, so distant.
jokes and jealousy,
they thought they matched flawlessly.
a web of sweet musings
we're wrapped in the choosing's.
forgiving mistakes....
Pen Lux Feb 2012
my ears are burning.

reaching out
pulling back
the withdrawal is another opening
a hole
a pocket
what's the difference?

a million openings
falling through
your time
to my
or luck
of goodness
I find you beside me.
Pen Lux Sep 2010
enough alcohol and you'll be puking out your heart
and soul in words that shine like diamonds,
and no matter how hard you try,
you wont be able to stand up straight,
and it's really ******* hard to put your shoes on without someones
hand to hold, and if you don't have your shoes,
how are you supposed to go shopping?
or walk on sharp rocks? or stand on hot pavement?
You can't.

you're gorgeous,
too gorgeous for words,
and yet your words
magnify that beauty
by a million.
Pen Lux Sep 2015
alright, don't invite me
see if I care what you
share with the other people
you might call friends
who are simply pawns.

                  it feels strange to finally write about you

I was going to write by
hand and in a letter
but you never deserved
it in the first place so
why? I ask myself why
in the hell would you deserve it now?

you said you like
me because I'm articulate
In reality I think it's because
I took your **** without spitting
everything back for you to look at
you brought my hand to the bottle
made me numb to your toxicity
while I was ******* on your
***, never ******* both, HA
you only kissed me when
you were bored and
never because you
really wanted it
hating truth
hating you
......    ......

alright, I DON'T HATE YOU, but I want to tell you
                 i hate you
for what you let me become and for what you didn't tell me
for all the time I spent thinking about you and for all the time
wasted wishing that you thought about me too for what you
always gave and for what you never gave because all I ever
wanted was tobeclosewithyou apparently I got trapped in
one of those cliche phrases "keep your friends close and
you enemies closer" perhaps you knew I wouldn't like you
if I wasn't drunk, you knew I would get bored and leave

well, chocolate truffle, you were my worst mistake

I am learning who my friends are

darling, you were only fake
it's weird making friends and losing friends and why and what and who where when well... because that **** happens

I don't know, but I have had a great *** day and this poem
really really really helps me in a weird way to feel even better!
Pen Lux Aug 2014
another dark adventure
with magic in my stare,
wearing all black and
beginning to prepare.

yesterdays socks, he talks
                                in knocks
like winds breaking boxes
                                       the ones we locked ourselves into
debates. locked debating
which move to make next?
can you answer me, or be a cancer beam?
or are you listening and losing steam?
burning mass before me, the brightness in your eyes...
I had never been so mesmerized.
I can't forget the feeling of the
winters snowflakes,
the wake and bakes,
the give and takes
the honesties...
which turned out to be fakes.

it's perfect timing to arise:

I can forgive the things
that cut my strings
because like hair
my heart's in springs.
restlessness thoughtfulness,
but the ways you are true
send me blue and undo
the pain from the casting,
cloudlessly and cruelly,
again and forever may stem
from the light in your eyes,
blooming sunflowers in
orchards of the greenest grass
you'll ever find.
so unwind, and relax,
calm down the feverish sight,
dim your eyes before repeating
such devilish lies.
Hello August
Pen Lux Apr 2013
a jealous heart
wants no more
than to forgive.
even when there
is nothing to be

this pulsing, throbbing energy,
takes refuge where you choke.
terribly sick from the throat.
my chest is a boat, and the
drowning doesn't cease with the life jacket.
vibrant and not easily forgotten
and yet still, you seem to have forgotten
what it is like to breathe with me, or rather
my feelings escape me as soon as I achieve the ability to explain them.

I reject the first thoughts that I recognize as uncomfortable
and give them to you for further translation, yet the energy within
those very words haven't diluted before they reach you and you spit
them back as "Ego".

I cannot help myself as much as I'd like to,
yet I try.
I cannot remove the parts of myself which I see in you,
yet I try,
because of the terrible, knee in my gut feeling,
and the rejection of willingness to expend your energy to help me find happiness,
because somehow if you can make me feel intensely about any emotion,
then to you that means I am only happy when you make it so.

**** that idea.

I make myself happy, I make myself sad, I make myself whatever the hell I want to,
although I sometimes fall into feelings, (a mistake which only proves more the imperfections
of being human), and the lack of control over everything.
Yet I try to take heed and pay attention to myself and how what I do effects others.

You bring immense energy, but you are not the source of my life, my light, or my darkness.

We simply share both,
from your prism to mine
and back again.
I shine through you and make color
and you shine through me to do the same.
We help cast shadows and peek through darkness,
******* hell, my heart feels so raw that I think it forgot how to break.

A jealous heart
wants nothing
more than to forgive,
and be forgiven.
I find that I cannot be everything, and I don't want to be. I simply wish for recognition. Although, something new is more exciting than what you know. Yet it seems you and I both know nothing, and perhaps you do care.
                                  we are mirrors.
Pen Lux Jan 2011
things that are the same here:
glass and silence
nails and chalk
comfort and ***
smoke and color.

how do you feel about the women called mother,
and the children that call to her and grab at her legs?
her legs: so smooth that their hands slide down them in the summer.
her hands: cold and soft and everything you need when you're crying.

I love you, darling, and I want to hold your hands all the time,
both of them, and please press your forehead against
mine because my third eye can feel your trying to see inside
but we need to break through the skin that hides them away.
I want to teach you how to share dreams so that we don't have to
set alarms any more, or drink caffeine anymore, even if it is tea instead
of coffee. or if your favorite is the same as his and it only bothers me
because I want to stop thinking about how warm, or thick, his fur is.
I can lose my hands

inside                                                           ­        the outside
of his beautiful mass.

He can knock down trees with a whistle,
or a flick of his tail, and he can make phone calls
with one long stretch and a yawn.
Pen Lux Sep 2015
poetry doesn't need to be perfect
work on yourself and it will work you
Pen Lux Feb 2012
friends sing so sweetly
and I fall in love with the serenade.
it's m
i     s  
l    e   a  
if you act before you think
and then spend all your time thinking about which move to make next.

I think progress starts at two points:
the beginning and the ending.
everything and nothing.

One thing to make me feel something
and another to destroy me.

I've given up on trying to be friendly
and gone straight for that same bitter harsh of honesty
in so much trouble before
that I forgot existed
because I let myself slip
rather than pushing out
what I knew wasn't good for me.

wanting to please everyone.
loving the pleasure in pain,
got lost in it, got distracted,
became detached in the same direction more than once
and became less than I should
                  more than I should.

it's a swallowing of seeds without chewing.
with all this stimulation brewing
around the stitching of my pocket,
crooked lines, a few things slipped out.

marbles in the kitchen, in the bathroom,
on the floor. you carried me up
and down stairs.

But you didn't stop ramming

Hel­ping remove your mind
I tried to look inside.
Your ego ****** you into
a black hole of questioning.
Left me answering
that there was nothing left of me.
Found myself in the absence
of bored and forgetful silence.

The ending
is the beginning
for me.

right now
it's all finally happening
right now
the moment's been festering

I've finally finished and I'm free.
[here's hoping you can forget about me].
Pen Lux Apr 2012
i'm a half way hill short
of decent remarks.
definitely juvenile.
public dancers
gave me chances
to prove myself while
confidence drove me home,
and there wasn't a single complaint.
Pen Lux May 2013
curiosity tainted
music's coursing wild through my veins

prelude to making love on pages

your soul opens, dark pools that flood my heart,
warm, balanced, alive and carefully sweet
(yet not too sweet,
the risk of letting go has been conquered,
  and the freedom prevails),
our dance is symmetrical as we shape into each other.

your skin teaches me how to be smooth
as the distinction between your hair
and your face fades,
just as your body and mine intertwine
until your hips are all I know and
your lips are all I see with my eyes closed.

a comfortable lack of noise apart from
the pleasure of breathing. I remember
every detail of the pounding flesh, the sweat
carving rivers on your chest, the kiss from
my neck to the breast.

I've never known a closeness such as this,
your gentle gaze has gripped my heart,
some times I want to tear it out
so as not to get overwhelmed by the beauty.

your love is art, and your expression is priceless.

I often find it difficult to hold myself back,
our love is raw, but I'd rather my ****** not be.
a poem i wrote on purpose
Pen Lux Mar 2011
chugging old coffee
while counting pills on a ***** carpet.

wanting nothing more than
to get to know you better.

she's choking in the background.
I drowned her.

echoes in the toilet.
sounds painful.
If she had a heart, she'd have puked it out by now.

I would give her mine for dinner if I could stay alive long enough to see if her eyes would say anything as she ate.

down the pipes:
dinner. lunch. breakfast.
expired milk.
stolen pills.
something fattening.

"has she been sleeping all day again?"
"can I have some of those?"
"can I go smoke with you?"
Pen Lux Jul 2010
The day I learned what zero gravity was,
I went to the fair and I rode all the rides,
and I followed people that I didn't want to be with.

We all ate the same food with the same forks,
spinning until it hurt our cheeks to smile anymore,
then we tried to walk, even though we knew people were dying for our country.

When I got hurt you gave me two generic band-aids
and they wouldn't stick onto my ****** hands,
the shaking might have had a little to do with it,
but not that much.

I'm sorry that I got the phone wet when I was shaving my legs,
I just didn't want to stop laughing,
it felt too good.

So, I hope you get this message,
okay, bye.
this is the beginning of a series.
Pen Lux Aug 2010
I keep losing my self in the labyrinth of my mind,
it's like I'm addicted to obsession,
and love,
and things I can't have.
The fear makes me feel a sickness,
one similar to home,
(something I've always felt).
It makes me wish I could run faster,
or that I didn't get bored so easily.
Or that I didn't feed off of communication
mixed with physical contact.
I hope we talk soon,
this silence is starting to eat away at me,
at least,
the parts I want to keep.
Pen Lux Aug 2010
I keep thinking if my hair looked different that night,
or if I was chewing a different flavor of gum,
things would have turned out differently.

The evening when you left,
I couldn't stand the color of the walls,
or the stains in the carpet,
I moved out within the week.

I still haven't fully unpacked,
because I'm still hoping you'll fall in love with me.

I watched the daises slowly melt
like ice cream,
and I watched the ants walk their paths
but they had no idea where they were going.

I went to the beach the other day,
and all I could think about was the patch on your belly button,
and how you overreacted about the naked children,
but mostly,
the way you looked at me when I was in the water.
Pen Lux Aug 2010
things are getting hot on the bed
wedgies are being picked
the hottest of all women are giving birth to computers,
and ideas, until the energy from last nights soda wears off,
and the color in our hair fades.

I have a stripped box full of friendship bracelets,
I threw all the ones you gave me away,
because they didn't mean anything,
and the only time you made me happy was when you smiled.

Now I'm waiting for you to block my calls,
or change your number,
or answer and tell me to shut the hell up.

I guess I've decided that I wont fall in love again,
at least not until we can be in the same room
and not care if everything else starts to melt.
Pen Lux Aug 2010
I'm sick of the smiles in our photographs,
because I'm not happy,
and I don't understand how I ever could be.

When we drove to your funeral,
we had to pull over so that I could puke
and cry,
it got all over my dress and we had to go back home
so that I could change.

I went into my room and stripped naked,
then I started screaming and throwing things,
I broke the mirror, and ripped everything off the walls,
I threw the sheets and the covers all onto the floor.
I ripped all the clothes of their hangers,
pushed everything off the open surfaces,
threw everything I could find at the windows,
wanting to prove to myself that something could break more than a heart.

I hate myself,
but mostly I hate myself for loving you,
for letting myself forget the world and get lost in you.

I hate myself,
for not asking you when I had the chance,
or telling you,
or even caring enough to show it.

I'm sorry that I can't think straight,
and that I never will,
and that you'll never understand me the way that I understood you.
Pen Lux Aug 2010
I keep picking my scabs when I know I shouldn't,
and all that dead skin is landing in my cup of tea,
(which is too hot for me to drink anyway).

I keep second guessing myself, and saying things in a way so that I can take them back if I need to.
Sometimes I feel like I can control you,
because I know what you are,
but I guess that's just me forgetting,
or being ignorant on purpose to avoid any more pain.

I've met some new people,
I respect them so much that I've started to think in different ways.
Our conversations are the most stimulating,
(and sometimes simple),
I've ever had.
Almost every conversation I forget something in the enthusiasm,
and I will feel like there is this hole inside of me from where it was,
like it meant something, something important,
something like you.
Pen Lux Aug 2010
I  almost went to a movie with a man twice my age,
but then I told him I'm sort of involved with someone.
I guess you can say it's complicated.

I burnt my hand on a light bulb the other day,
I cried and cried, but I didn't do anything to try and help the pain,
I relished it, I marveled in it, as if it was the sugar in my tea.
It felt better than anything I've felt these past few months,
because it was better than nothing.
I know that's disgusting, and I know if you were there to see it you'd be sick, but you aren't here, if you were then it wouldn't be like this.

I've been watching the news, trying not to care,
and spilling secrets, not caring enough to clean them up.

I want you to tell me what your pain feels like,
and your anger,
and your sadness.
I need you to make me feel like I'm not alone.
Pen Lux Aug 2010
I can't help but lust for your skin,
or think about how amazing it would be to carry on a conversation with our hands,
or help but want to lick your teeth
and feel your bones.

I guess the bugs would scare me,
and the smell would make me gag,
but your rotting face would still be beautiful to me.
Sometime's I dream about you all alone,
in the dark, with no one to freeze with you.

It's okay that I didn't get to scratch my nose,
I probably would've ended up tearing through the skin anyway.
You know I've never liked blood.
Too many dead animals on the road,
too many dead things flooding my life.
It makes me wish I were dead.

Isn't it hilarious how easy it is to change your mind?
Isn't it hilarious how easy it is to die?
Isn't it?
Pen Lux Aug 2010
All I'm looking for is some clear communication in the physical world.

I've got some intentions that don't necessarily balance on the scale of right or wrong,
but self-love gets old after a while.

I know I haven't talked about this in months,
but getting closer has been my top priority,
(since always).

Celebrities die in threes,
and relationships come in twos,
so where does that leave me?

I would use your name like some of my favorite poets do,
but I'm not that daring.
I'm an addict,
and I'll always be a top-notch quitter,
apart from the fact that I find new obsessions.

I have these new rips in my skin,
I can't help but cover them up,
or wonder about yours,
and if they're the same.

I think it's too late to compare,
but you know I tried to say this earlier.
Pen Lux Aug 2010
I need to get drunk if I'm going to say anything beautiful.
You've proved that on multiple occasions,
the only problem is that I've never been drunk,
and you've never bothered to pay attention to what I had to say.

I wish we had walked together more,
and that we drank lemonade and ran through the sprinklers,
instead of dreaming about being somewhere else.

I remember how wonderful you looked with your hair wet,
and your smile shining whiter than my skin against the summer sky.

I can still hear the sound of your heart beating,
and your breath against my neck as you hugged me
and against my ear as you tried to whisper.

It seems like everything I say is about me,
and it's all just a bunch of memories that are about you,
almost as if without you time had to stop.
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