Parker A Blackwood

Parker A Blackwood Jan 2016

Slitting wrists
Chugging wine
Taking pills
Sanity's fine line

Down once more
But it is the last
To go heaven-bound
And come to pass

#suicide #depression #life #sadness #death #heaven #selfharm #drinking #overdosing

Parker A Blackwood Jan 2016

To Those Whom It May Concern

I lied
Over and over and over again
There's nothing to be done that could've been done with what I gave you

Friends, I am sorry I **** at being just that and if you say I am a good friend
Look at what I just did, good friends don't do that to others
But, I love you all and this is the truth

Good people don't do this
Selfish people do
Weak people do
Cowards do

Family, I am sorry for lying to you and saying I'm alright
But most of all I'm sorry about how much of a problem I was
For wasting your time and effort and money
I'm sorry for causing you pain
I love you all and this is the truth

And to all others whom it may concern
Whether I passed you in the hall
Or was in your class
Or played on your team:
The world isn't that bad of a place
I just got the wrong mind
And if you look for hope its there
It just takes some time

And I love you all and this is the truth

This is the end.

#love #friends #depression #weak #family #lying #bipolar #suicidenote #mania #psychosis

Parker A Blackwood Jan 2016

Oh, What A Shame

I'm content with my decision
And nothing will get in my way
Because this time I am selfish
And thought it all through
Too bad really

#suicide

Parker A Blackwood Jan 2016

Avoided

And I wonder now if this could've been avoided
If I've kept getting help instead of pushing it away
But I guess this is what would've happened eventually
Because I never really wanted help
I just wanted to leave this hellish world

#suicide #hell #depression #life #sadness #death #world #misery #horrid

Parker A Blackwood Jan 2016

I'm So, So Sorry

I'm sorry
I'm sorry mom for being such a burden and lying through my teeth
I'm sorry dad for not being more compassionate and stronger
I'm sorry for wasting your money to try and fix me
I'm sorry brother for not sticking around to see you do great things
I'm sorry sister for not spending more time with you when I could
I'm sorry for being weak and selfish
I'm sorry most of all to God because I'm such a poor sinner and a poor Christian
I'm sorry for wasting your time
And I'm sorry for portraying hope because, to tell you the truth,
I knew the whole time
I wouldn't be here much longer

This is it. It's tonight. There's no going back and frankly no one can stop me not even myself. This is the way it has to be I am in too much pain, to much suffering, and no motivation to be less selfish.

#suicide #depression #sadness #death #end #the #sorry #bipolar #misery

Parker A Blackwood Jan 2016

I Write To...

I write to keep myself afloat with insanity so near
To let my anger out and with it, my fear
To keep my words from becoming actions
And to add to my list of distractions
Sadness and loneliness accompany all
To comprise a deep, thoughtful poem that speaks of my fall
As my heart spills out on this paper
I sit up to find my ideas turning to vapor
Yet, inevitably, they will become the present
Therefore my soul will no longer be in constant torment

#suicide #depression #pain #sadness #death #darkness #poems #writing #torment #inevitable

Parker A Blackwood Jan 2016

To The Right, Where Nothing Is Left

Everything's gone
Nobody's here
I need help but I am so alone
The screams are so loud inside of my head
And nothing seems to stop them, unlike before
It escalates so quickly
I don't even have time to think
Everyone's absent
Nothing is here

#suicide #depression #alone #nobody #nothing #loneliness #bipolar #absence #screams