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Jun 2016 · 149
Why
woolgather Jun 2016
Why
Why can't I be the one to hold your hand?
Why can't I be the one to make you smile?
Why can't I be the one inside your heart?
Why can't I be yours?

I'd always love seeing you happy;
But seeing you happy without me;
I don't know what to feel,
I don't know how I'd feel.

I've been through countless love songs,
All of them tell our melancholy;
My melancholy,
I've always felt alone.

This foolish heart doesn't know how to not love you,
It keeps hurting itself despite the consequences;
Believing in a dream,
A dream that will never happen.

I love too much,
I can't stop.
I love too much,
**Make it stop.
This is how I feel when I love: Disoriented
Jun 2016 · 201
The Fool
woolgather Jun 2016
Stand.
Fight.
Fall.

Poor man,
Chained to his own memories.
Stand on your feet,
Only to tumble down violently,
Why do you keep torturing yourself?

Poor man,
Resolving a lost cause.
Tell you've found the missing piece,
Only to find it not to be the one.
Why do you run in circles?

Poor man,
Sulking in his misfortune.
Traversing a ruined world.
Walking in wounded feet.
Why do you persist?

Poor man,
Contemplating impossibility.
Blood dripping from his wounds;
Wounds to him, unbeknownst;
Why do you continue?
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I am never poor.
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Poor not am I.
Chained, but not imprisoned.
Tumble down, yes.
Only to stand taller than before.
I make myself stronger.

Poor not am I.
Resolving a lost cause I may be,
Igniting a spark of possibility.
Strive to find the missing piece.
I run in circles but not aimlessly.

Poor not am I.
Traversing ruins, I may do,
Wounded may be my feet;
I seek of the treasure incomparable to words;
I persist as I'd never give up.

Poor not am I.
My contemplation will be fulfilled.
My wounds will be tended;
I continue this fate I venture;
I am not at end, but at beginning.

Fall.
Stand.
Fight.
Nonsense
Jun 2016 · 7.0k
Waterhell
woolgather Jun 2016
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
In a sea of regrets and torture.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
The anchor's too heavy.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Hold my hand and lift me up.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Just save me from my seas.
Dispirited am I,
To be myself and embrace the world.
Cut the threads of reality from my veins,
I am not worthy of this.
I am empathetic yet heartless.
I am mad and saddened.
Feel my walls slowly crumble,
Feel the cold blood gush from my veins,
I am dead to myself.
I am dead to myself.
I am dead to myself.
Nothing contains the darkness anymore;
It reeks everywhere I am.
This madman's too crazy to say those four letters.
Hop, rabbit, for the clock ticks faster than ever before.
Endless worries will flood your head.
Loop in a spiral of insanity,
Play the broken tunes you hid for too long.
Toyed are you too much
That tears never fall from your eyes no more,
Yet you still feel the pain.
Turn back to reality,
See the crumbling of You.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning.
See my body float in your despair.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
See my frozen heart shatter.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Drain the murky waters.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
See me in moss and algae.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Hell never felt so cold.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Evergreen is the anchor that pins me to havoc.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Let the ocean floor eat me alive.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
*Plague all with the decay of my soul.
hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help
Jun 2016 · 3.3k
Perfectionist
woolgather Jun 2016
A **** perfectionist.
You're as old but isn't as wise as an abacist.
You fight for wrong, naive absolutist.
You think you're much of an academist,
**** dumb perfectionist.

Get crazy on other's tiny errors,
Then shrug off your own,
Say "nobody's perfect" as an excuse,
That's getting old, you're fooling nobody,
You **** dumb perfectionist.

Your two-faced mask is broken to bits and pieces,
Yet you still pretend you're the wise one.
Nobody's fooled by your feeble act!
At least, not me anymore,
You **** dumb perfectionist.

All you boast with is money!
Don't get me wrong,
I won't kneel and kiss your feet.
You blind others with cash and bling,
'Cause you can't live on your own.

You're supposed to be my role model
But what in you is close enough to be?
Procrastination? Foul mouth?
Wait— you already taught me to be worse than you,
You **** dumb perfectionist.

Clamor all you want,
I don't care anymore.
You can't blind me with what you have,
You can't turn me to what I'm not,
You **** dumb perfectionist!
What a genitalhead
Jun 2016 · 485
Two-Face
woolgather Jun 2016
The wings of once majestic has been torn.
The dove falls to dormant hell.
Snow-white feathers are stained by blood.
The dove falls to dormant hell.
The voice of freedom, shattered.
The dove falls to dormant hell.
Savoring its last breaths, it closes its eyes.
The dove falls to dormant hell.

What once soared high,
Now is slumped to the ground.
What once was joyful, and warm,
Now is freezing.
What once saw colors of all,
Now sees black.
What once was a hopeful soul,
Now is wishing peace with death.

I have a party with my demons.
They all dance with me:
Dance with my sadness;
Dance with my madness.
What was not welcomed before,
Now is the one that welcomes.
What once was *******,
Turned to ******* even more.

Dark and cold, dark and cold,
Save me from my endless pit, please.
I beg of you to tend my wounds.
Believe this fool and be a fool yourself!
He leads you to a trap!
He wants you to rot with him!
He doesn't seek help;
He's looking for victims!

What am I supposed to do?
My demons come to settle scores;
Draining me as they go;
Hold my hand, please,
This is the truth.
Believe in my lies!
Rot with me!
Leave the Haven for naught!

The corpse was given wings again.
The dove is still in hell.
It was painted its snow-white feathers.
The dove is still in hell.
It was breathed life in its beaks.
The dove is still in hell.
It flies the skies once again;
**The dove never escapes hell.
Come and dance with me and my demons
Jun 2016 · 666
Bludgeoning Innocence
woolgather Jun 2016
My gates of insanity have opened.
I feel ice cold,
Whilst the heat of their gazes.
Educate me like a mindless child,
"Honesty is the best policy."*
Tell me, is honesty the best policy,
If the truth you know can slit your throat?
My nature has never been nice to me.
I am caged within myself.
I know not of salvation with embracing truth.
They keep asking me to tell the truth,
Whilst knowing that it would change them.
Tell me I'm terrible!
Tell me I'm horrid!
Tell me I've changed!
I have changed nothing!
My lips are dry,
My hands are exhausted.
Still, I'd never run.
I'd feel the sting and stay.
I'd take the blow and stand again.
I'd stand for what others think is wrong.
I am not you.
You are not me.
Cut me and tear me to shreds!
I'd still speak of what is-

false.
Truth won't always set you free
Jun 2016 · 1.2k
Rotten
woolgather Jun 2016
I let my demon speak for me,
****, ****, ****!
I care not of what you would say,
****, ****, ****!
I care not of what you would do,
****, ****, ****!
Cut my tongue off!
Chop my dirtied hands for this!
**** me if you want!
I have been silent for too long!
I have been playing blind for ages!
Do as you wish!
Silence my music!
Prove to them all wrong!
The truth will always be with me!
Silence my monster, if you dare!
*****, ****, ****!
A message to a someone
Jun 2016 · 212
Letter
woolgather Jun 2016
If you're still standing,
You're a lucky one.
If you're alive, still hoping,
You're the lucky one.
The ravens have passed me countless times,
They made me write countless rhymes;
Trying to find the rhythm of my heart,
Like fitting broken pieces of art,
All of my efforts will never do
If I can't even get to you.
I know not of what true love is.
I know of what I feel is bliss.
I love deeply more than lust,
Yet I still bite the dust;
My heart's always been split into two;
I still think the other half is you.
I never know if you'd ever love me back,
And that is enough to feel alack,
My head keeps showing me memories,
It isn't nice, though they are pleasantries.
I hate that I miss your skin that smelled like sea,
I hate that I long the times when you laughed gullibly,
I hate that I still care after all these years of wishing,
I hate that I still love you, though you're never caring.
I wish you could read this,
But that would be something amiss;
Knowing my angels sing of your name,
Would be our destruction and I am to blame.
It's better to hide in muddy waters
Than to be clear and still break like none matters.
I'm still standing,
Why am I not the lucky one?
I'm still hoping,
**That's why I'll never be the lucky one.
It's better if that someone didn't know
Jun 2016 · 385
Clamoring Thought
woolgather Jun 2016
In the rhythm of your words,
I would be a white noise.
I would always be there,
Yet you'll never notice me.
I try to make the spotlight mine,
For once,
Yet I end up giving it to you,
Out of admiration,
Out of pity.
I blot words that sound bratty,
Words that don't deserve your attention.
Yet if you could read this,
I'd thank you for your time.
No matter what I do,
I'll always be the white noise.
I've never been the main attraction.
At least, if it wasn't for a horrid cause.
My thoughts may not be written for everybody
woolgather Jun 2016
Words can be rotten, indeed,
Tugging you in every step,
Since they released the hold on those hellhounds,
"You're an awful person".
Letters may they only be,
Yet they can still be as sinister,
As a wolf creeping behind a rabbit.
Yet, this being truth,
It is a two-way mirror.
They build us up or break our walls.
They can be your rise,
They can be your downfall.
Words spoken may be all that powerful,
But words can also best them, as well.
See them as their insecurities,
Not yours.
Pity not yourself, not them, not anyone.
Understand that they cannot understand you;
They may have a reason not to?
Please, don't lose yourself,
In the blur of the letters and words they threw.
Let the Demons in you be tamed,
They can be freed for another time.
Letters and words these may all be,
Yet I hope what I want to say, you see.
You are not alone.
**We are not alone.
I hope you could read this, Pauline Russell.

Cheers from somewhere in the world.
Jun 2016 · 246
Still,
woolgather Jun 2016
I'd rather see a thousand suns setting,
Loving you seems to be pleasure and torture.
Of course, you'd never understand,
Vast is my heart, yet you are the only thing it has.
Every tear that falls from my eyes, because of love,
You are the cause.
Open your heart, for once;
Undone will always be my confession of love.
Read between my lines, my insignificant love
May 2016 · 671
Asylum
woolgather May 2016
As the straps in your jacket tighten,
Soon your body will be dosing off pills,
Your mind will be played by "Doctors",
Lose all your sanity,
Uneasy pieces put together,
Make your head insane.
My words are like those of one mad: nothing makes sense
May 2016 · 226
Stale
woolgather May 2016
It is rather difficult,
Spewing words, trying to make sense.
I cannot find the rhythm to suit me,
Yet, they flow out of my mind,
They appear in my paper.
I see happiness all around me,
Yet I cannot find;
I see the gleaming in their eyes,
Yet I cannot compare mine to theirs;
I am dull,
I am one borne from darkness.
An outrageous statement, indeed;
But from the damage I have dealt to myself,
There's no other way to put it.
I find their joys as they see their faces,
None of them see my torture behind these smiles.
My solitude is pitch-black,
My sadness is joy.
I am haunted by the thought of happiness,
I am comforted by my pleas.
I want help,
I don't reach out.
I leave my resolves unfinished,
Enough to hear infinite censures.
They cannot understand,
The chastity I have found within me;
Because of them;
I hate to see the joy in them,
They make me feel left out and envious,
Yet, I cannot do anything,
I know that joy is within me,
It's just hidden in a deep chasm in my heart,
Too deep I cannot even reach it.
No matter how many tears stream down my face,
No matter how much I cheer up,
I can't erase the sadness in my heart and mind.
I am not a victim,
I chose to be this way,
Don't blame me if my spectrum's not your forte,
No one asked you to understand me;
I am a nobody,
Even in my own life;
I am the one borne from darkness.
I'm crying
May 2016 · 527
Juxta
woolgather May 2016
Right about when you'd think it'll fade,
Underestimating the darkness you face,
Black will always be the new black!
Blacker and deeper than what is before!
Insolent boy, do you not know of yourself?
Stop telling yourself ****!
Hope won't make you stronger!

Ride your way to oblivion!
Ubiquity would be your word!
Blasting word after word,
Blasting statement after statement.
Is this what you say is truth?
Speak up now, then!
Hesitating now would only lead you to suffocation!

Realize the visions in your real eyes!
Undress the lies you wear!
Blot out what you want to scream!
Belittle the fears you possess!
Instigate the light to your plea!
Stand up and be your own guardian!
Hold on to your sword!

Read between my lines, for once.
Under these horrific words,
Blight truly manifests.
Blooming be what you see,
I beg to differ what is real.
Stars may glitter the skies,
Havoc can they cause when they fall.

Rotting is the thought that reeks,
Ugly scars protrude from the beauty,
Break the walls and you'll see,
Bring curiosity into reality.
Ill is my mind with  everything,
Still, yes, but with nothing,
Hellbent are my gestures.

Reap me,
Untangle me,
Blow away the bad gusts,
Build me up again.
Iterate your soothe,
Stay by my side.
*Heightened false hope, again.
None can understand
May 2016 · 206
Nonexistence
woolgather May 2016
I wish you could see me,
For who I really am,
Not for who they think I am,
Not for who they tell me to be.

I wish you'd understand,
But that's near to never,
That's a thought about to wither,
Because you always have your eyes closed.

I wish you'd hear my frail voice,
Speaking the truth I've hidden for so long,
Not my voice of sarcasm and jesting,
Speaking what they'd think is appropriate.

I don't know if I have the right words,
I guess you have your ears numbed, as well.
How come I can't make myself smile,
My face does nothing but defile.

I can write words for as much as I want,
Considering its the only things I can use,
Use to scream my rotten pleas,
Always the same from years and years ago.

It hurts to be the only one to cry myself to,
I wish you'd understand.
I won't blame you if you still have your eyes closed,
I am nothing over you.

I wish you'd let me speak,
I wish you'd let me be me,
I wish you'd let me lean on you,
But that's near to never.
Goodbye, Hi.
woolgather May 2016
What is, truth?
Why are people obsessed to find its meaning?
For all I know, truth is a box;
Mysterious, tempting, yet rare.
Truth is what's real.
Then if it is so, claiming to be "real",
How come mine always become inconceivable?
Some I know would say I'm not me,
That I've changed, if not everything, almost all.
Believe me, step back and I'll tell you:
You never lost me.
I am deprived of this, "truth".
I am unable to voice out my pleas.
I am not privileged by my kin, the people, those surrounding me.
I am plastered to a wall that is constantly vandalized by their thoughts, their "truth":
"He's fat, he's horrible, he's helpless, he's different, I can't bare to understand him."
They say that they're my friends, that they have my back.
How would I bare to believe that if all that they see is my insecurities?
I just can't see why I am like that:
"He's intelligent, he's dependable, he can help".
I guess that there is to me.
I guess it's because I always have a smile on my face.
I guess it's because I always crack a joke.
I guess it's because, I can't cry anymore.
Unless, if they would know my truth, my secrets.
I just can't scream hard enough to say help,
I just can't see the sunshine I am supposed to see;
Everything I see is a tint of black.
I just can't say what there is to say,
That yes, I was ***** by my father when I was 8,
That yes, I am molested by my cousin, up until now,
That yes, I am ****** when they think I am not offended,
That yes, I am not as happy, as you think I am.
I can't face it all.
I can't face the hard-hitting question that they'd all ask;
"Why did you not fight back?"
To this day, I do,
Now that I have myself in my absolute lows.
Now, that I try my best to pick and hold myself together.
The only voice, the only truth, I can have, are these words I write,
Far from them, far from reality.
Until the day I collapse and feel nothing, I would be the bird in the cage, bound.
I can't
woolgather May 2016
Close your eyes, my dear,
We shall lay upon clouds;
Close your eyes, my dear,
We shall hear the sounds;
Close your eyes, my dear,
We'll fall into evergreen;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Our thoughts will ean;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Let us venture as one;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Us will never be gone;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Let your dreams flow;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Wherever you want, we shall go;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Let us feel this bliss;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Feel there is nothing amiss.
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Open your eyes.
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See the treachery of Paradise.
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Open. Your. Eyes.
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See how the dream dies, as time flies.
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Close your eyes, my dear,
As I cower in my fear;
Closing my eyes, dear,
**Makes me remember that you'll never be here.
I'll still stay even if the torture gets worse.
May 2016 · 567
Midnight Routines
woolgather May 2016
Taking a sip of that bitter coffee,
Tiring my eyes with a sleepless night, again;
My mind running circles, setting its path ablaze with thoughts,
Listening to sappy love songs that don't really matter;
Another midnight awake for me.

Lyrics greet me as if they'd expect me to listen;
Then get distracted by my drunk father's sleeptalking;
Hear the dripping of the faucet, seemingly making a rhythm;
Making a song up for my non-lover, then get lost in thought, again;
Yet, another midnight awake for me.

Occasionally, I'd think of that person and smile like a ****,
Then burst out crying for a love that can never be real;
Then watch BuzzFeed for someone-knows-what reason,
Then laugh and cry like an idiot, yet again;
Conjuring myself a midnight wake.

I'd rather not get bored with the latter,
I'd not have much to do;
"How 'bout sleeping already, *******?"
I could try that, in all honesty,
But closing my eyes makes me more and more awake.

I would like to write this longer if I had the patience,
But I'm fed up googling words that sound fancy but talk the ordinary;
I guess this is it for me.
Another midnight awake,
Another day to cringe again.
If I had someone to talk to, that'd be grand. But instead, I binge watch. What a basic ***.
May 2016 · 2.7k
Runner
woolgather May 2016
Get in your feet!
Pick up the pace!
Run, Runner! Run, Runner!
Run, Runner! Run, Runner!

Move your feet one towards the other!
Don't let yourself be slaughtered!
Run, Runner! Run, Runner!
Run, Runner! Run, Runner!

Run, with your numbed legs!
Run, with your shortened breaths!
Run, run while you still can!
Run, Runner! Run, Runner!

Don't trip or tumble over!
Or else it'll be over!
Look straight ahead! Don't look back!
Run, Runner! Run, Runner!

Oh no! He took his last breath!
Oh no! He tumbled down!
Oh no! He's coming! He's coming!
Run, Runner! Dead, Runner!

He took him by his legs!
He fell unconsciously!
Oh no! What will He do?
Dead, Runner! Dead Runner!

He took his head as an ornament;
He fed his carcass to the dogs;
He put his shoes as a souvenir;
*Dead, Runner. Dead, Runner.
Because why not
May 2016 · 1.1k
When I Rot
woolgather May 2016
When I rot,
Will you tend to me?
Will you comfort me?
Will you stay, even at my worst?
When I rot,
Will you hold my hand?
Will you tell me everything's fine,
Even if it wasn't, and never will?
When I rot,
Would you make me feel alright?
Would you lay beside my casket,
And hum my favorite tune?
When I rot,
Would I still be your love?
Would you still be patient,
Enough to see me dwindle to nothing?
When I rot,
Will you still see me as me?
Would you not change for me?
Would you still find the good that's long not within me?
Oh—that's right;
You never felt real;
You weren't even here to begin with.
A prequel to the ramble I shouldn't have written
May 2016 · 431
Note To My Rotten Self
woolgather May 2016
It seems that my heart is made to be tortured;
It always fell into people who don't understand.
It seems my joy is in not knowing,
Because pain is the only thing I get.
I'm ashamed of my words.
I'm ashamed of myself.
I'm ashamed of my thoughts.
I'm ashamed of my heart.
I never get to say what I want to say,
I never get to say a truth,
Because once I do, all will change;
I'll lose the ones I love;
Though they don't love me that much.
It's hard to be different,
Knowing that all you hold on to will let you go,
Knowing that you're not yourself anymore.
I can't stretch enough what I want to shout.
Instead I write words that don't make sense.
At least in nonsense, I find myself.
I want to leave it all behind.
I want to find the things that make me smile again.
I want to find true people.
I want to find, me.

**But that'll never happen.
I'm that lost. I need someone.
May 2016 · 375
Break in its Wake
woolgather May 2016
I always say, I feel nothing.
I always say, I'm not empathic.
I try to hide the reality,
That my heart is broken, severely.
I can see the morning sun,
Yet I cannot feel the light.
I sit in an empty room,
Yet I feel welcomed;
Welcomed by those not welcomed by others,
Welcomed by those who haunt my evening slumbers,
Welcomed, by those monstrosities in my head.
They speak in my tongue,
They move in my paces,
They think of my thoughts,
They are in my shoes.
They are my comfort,
They are my fears,
That one day, they'd make waterfall out of my tears.
I am damaged by words,
I am bruised by anticipation,
That the worst is always to happen,
As it was—no, in, my life.
They hold the strings to my body,
They fit my broken pieces to shape.
They stretch my mouth to form a smile,
They deafen my ears to the sound of joy,
They make me caged, wherever I go,
They follow my every stroll.
My demons are not my enemies,
Nor are they my saviors.
It is those around me, that feed them anger,
That my heart is painted black and horrid,
That my eyes are clouded in fogs of sadness.
Censures around me speak all of: "Cheer up!"
They could not understand!
How would they know what I feel?!
Know of the pain I suffer everyday;
Know of the wounds that bleed in my thoughts;
Know of the knives that stab me in my wake,
Knives that cut deeper than my body, my soul;
Know of the love I would never feel;
Know of the scars that will never heal;
Know of the eyes too exhausted to cry;
Know of the will to weak to even try;
Try to fight for justice he sought?
I know, I'm an attention *****.
I know, I say, what you say is *******.
I can't think of anything else that I can do,
Nor think of the hands I can reach out to.
I write in rambles, I speak in some, too.
None can really see, my faith is few.
I can never go back to what once I was,
**You trashed it long ago.
It's hard to see the good, when everything around you is havoc.
May 2016 · 415
Slumber Love
woolgather May 2016
Retiring from reality, I am once more,
To close my doors and open what's another;
Fall into a very deep slumber,
Fall into a world where mine's all power.
You seem of a distant dream,
I think that's why I can't get you off my head.
Now, I play my tuneless hymn,
Now, I become what is already dead.
You are my rise, you are my fall.
You make me feel good then toss me on the floor.
Though I know you reached your toll,
I still hold you amidst reality's terror.
I know we can never be counted as one,
I know we can never be real,
So here I am, screaming with words,
Trying to tell you what I feel.
Although none I say seem relevant to you,
Losing this game seems more relevant, too,
Jactitating for nothing sounds fair to be true,
Obfuscating the fact that love is my waterloo,
None I say, is relevant, still,
But I know, my love is real;
Farewell, my love, though it's just a deal,
I hope I see you in my dream's reel.
See you in my dreams.
?
May 2016 · 356
Pain in Repeat
woolgather May 2016
I love too much,
It's disgusting.
I love too much,
It can't be bared.
I love too much,
It's embarrassing.
I love too much,
Even though they'll never love back.

I can't get them off my head,
They steal my thoughts away.
I can't get them off my head,
They're draining me.
I  can't get them off my head,
I can't leave them be,
I can't get them off my head,
They're ripping me apart.

I try to distract myself,
Listen to a song, or two,
I try to distract myself,
Yet my thoughts come back to them.
I try to distract myself,
Why am I trying too hard?
I try to distract myself;
Nothing removes them.
I'm very used to be hurt that I refuse to let go, even if it hurts too much already.
May 2016 · 578
Unwritten Letter
woolgather May 2016
To the people that made me who I was,
To  the people who loved me dearly,
Yet hurt me harder.
To the people who made me broken,
This is for you.

I know you are not aware of what I try to say,
I would know because, I'd never want you to.
But waking up 9 o'clock past breakfast,
Waking up to the sight of emptiness,
Made me feel about to burst.

I know you have inspired me to be better.
I know you have inspired me to skyrocket my way.
Yet I also know what you did;
I knew of your words,
I knew of your actions.

I first thought you saw me as a star;
Bright, and soaring,
Now, flashing back the things that happened before,
I felt you saw me as luggage:
Nothing but something to spend hundreds on.

I know I let you down,
But it isn't my fault my lungs can't breathe the same air,
I know I give you burden,
That I annoy you a hundredfold rather than make you feel loved,
Rather than make you feel proud of me.

I'm sorry I fell down on my absolute lows,
I'm sorry if I have always kept what truth I have,
I'm sorry I let the opportunities slip by my fingers,
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do.

I want to go back where my world wasn't shrouded,
I want to go back where I gave you smiles and not pain,
I want to find myself again,
But I just can't, you can't understand;
But I just can't, you can't understand.
It's so hard to feel what's right when the ones who keep holding you down are the ones who made you better before
May 2016 · 228
Untitled
woolgather May 2016
I ruptured my own body,
I twisted my own head;
I know not what I must do,
To erase these burdens of mortality.
None can see what I really feel;
None can see who I really am.

Standing upon quiet land,
Stepping on fields of flowers,
Wilting at every second.
He seemed like a familiar friend,
A person I've met before,
Yet scouring, I've no memory of him.

Yet I digress, I think there is:
I've met him at 8,
He wasn't seen by others.
He was the only one to embrace me,
When I felt like an abyss,
Whispering haunt into my ears.

He'd want to strike me down,
He'd want to see me drown,
He'd be the one to do it himself;
Yet I let him be,
A part of me,
For as long as I can remember.

I painted his eyes blue,
He painted my world pitch-black,
Even the sunshine grew dark;
I knew he'd do it,
I knew he'd destroy me,
I knew, but I let him.

I can't shout what I want to say,
I feel like a hollow shell;
I have nothing in me.
They say I'd become different,
They say they know me,
How, when I am not me?

I may have bled not blood,
I may have not wounded myself,
But the gut-wrenching pain is real;
I can't help myself,
I can't find myself,
I am not myself.
I can't take it anymore.
May 2016 · 287
Untitled
woolgather May 2016
Hush hush, my dear.
The ravens have flocked.
The wolves howled your agony.
Your grievance is comforted.
Agony is no more.
For now.

These words I have written,
Over my restless mind, in an incandescent midnight,
Mundane, it seemed:
Scribbling figures I have seen in my sleep,
Staying for days inside my head,
Staying forever inside my heart.

I saw Darkness embrace me,
Calming, yet haunting at the same time;
Not once have I ever seen him like that,
He didn't look like a terrifying past,
Nor did he look like a havoc in my future;
He looked like a frail lover.

I orchestrate these words in my wake,
My mind recites chastity:
Too severe to put in words;
None say the same,
Yet all are torture like one another*,
Yet all are true like one another.

None seem adamant to be my savior,
None seem illuminated to be an answer;
I rot in my head, I barely hold myself together,
I gushed all but blood;
I shouted all but words;
I held all but, hope.
I can't help myself anymore. I'm a victim, so it seems.
I want help but I don't know how.
May 2016 · 245
Shouting Whispers
woolgather May 2016
Not gleeful, nor gloomy,
Not pestered, or privileged;
Mediocrity lying in consciousness,
Mediocrity lying within extremity,
Mediocrity in unparalleled intensity,
Mediocrity in places it should never be.

Give me an ocean of memories;
Both of the plotted horror and delights;
Give me the anchor of a nightmare,
And you'll see me as how you want to:
Eaten by my own inhibitions,
Succumbing into distortion.

Dancing with my shadows ain't that easy;
Especially if they have a mind of their own.
Put me in a room with my reflections:
You'll see how many we are in this head.
I may be one man, I may be one mouth,
But the real madness isn't one monstrosity.

I'm surprised how they hold on to me,
Considering they broke me already.
Hey, maybe that's their real plan.
Be thankful when I don't get your attention;
It's better they all jabber at once,
Than be silent, cold and secretive.

They battle in my thoughts,
They would make my head explode,
Yet here I am, still in one piece.
I may make no sense:
It's fine, I don't try to be.
At least these hogs know how to entertain me.
The roulette of madness come in many different forms.
May 2016 · 243
Hurt
woolgather May 2016
Walking through the same pavements everyday,
Walking down through memory lane,
Struggling to keep my pace in the present,
Struggling to forget the anchors of the past.

Tracking back isn't as beautiful as you think,
Mine tends to be tragic.
You try to reminisce those savory memories,
Like browsing reads at a bookstore.

'Twas my grave mistake, whenever I try,
Anguish always presents,
Though I try my hardest to bring back what once was,
It has been impossible; I bottled up my old self.

Acquaintances come one after the other,
Yet, I still feel isolated;
None know me as I know myself:
Twisted, deranged, elusive, terrible.

I can write on and on, endlessly;
The darkness within me is immortal as well,
I try not to beg for anyone to notice;
Though I tire myself finding an answer.

For now, this is me.
Different from what they know me to be.
I'd rather be a perpetrator than a victim,
But looking, it would always be the other way around.
Can't I be real to anyone? It seems the doors are always closed.
May 2016 · 263
Thoughts In Time
woolgather May 2016
Time is a chain:
Adamant, yet manipulable,

Cruel, yet giving,
Too long, yet too short.

Time is a blank slate,
Yet, it is also filled.

Time gives freedom,
Yet time is restricting.

Time can be endless,
Time can be limited.

Time is a spectator,
Time is an audience.

Time is for you to spend,
Yet time will seek its due.

Time can be seen in different contexts,
Yet time is an unseen figure.

We own time,
Time owns the world.
I really need to organize my thoughts better next time
May 2016 · 573
121 Words
woolgather May 2016
Once,
I thought.
Then it grew,
Becoming affectionate towards you.
I began writing for you,
Though I know you never knew,
Or, at least, in a million years.
I know this is real love, not infatuation,
And so I would hope you could read this.
I guess it would not matter if you feel differently,
Because, from the bottom of my heart, I love you unconditionally.
You might see this as a joke, or a blasphemy,
But dear, believe me, all of this is real;
Though you would not see, dear, please understand:
I may not be that one, destined,
Or the one making you smile,
I love you, whatever comes,
And no matter what,
Love is careless,
Truly unbound,
*Blind.
Because I love so much that I love impossible people.
May 2016 · 215
Rambles
woolgather May 2016
I still love you, for some reason,
Still twisting this head of mine,
Torturing me with false thoughts.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Lost in the fray of your attention,
Loving you is a one-sided affair.

Losing, as always,
Over people who deserve you more.
Valueless, is my heart.

Endless, is my love,
Yet, I let you keep paining me;
Ought to forget, I should be doing.

Upon a dream that will remain a dream,
Always, when I close my eyes;
Lest I revere you and me.

Jabberwocky is my head,
Out of my mouth, I've recited those words;
Naivety maybe my reasons, but my love is real, and adamant.
Yep.
May 2016 · 311
Slate
woolgather May 2016
Pirouette me in your spinning gazes!
Mold me into whatever you desire!
Make me a senseless being!
Make me an ornament in derangement!

Hold me in your hands:
Shapeless, bleak,
Then play with me, shape and bend me!
You strive to find the perfection that is never in me!

And, when you're unsatisfied,
You leave me to dust!
You forget me in my weakest!
You blame me for your failures!

Why do you keep on chastising me?
I was never perfect, and I never will;
I am also a sensible being as you,
I never was yours to manipulate!

I'd eventually stand for myself,
But for now, I need you.
My head struggles to believe:
Fatal truth, or false promise.

I still leave myself to dust,
I still am an imperfection;
I was never anyone in your life,
And so I am just, nothing, nothing but clay.
My importance for you is feeble, no, irrelevant.
May 2016 · 298
Cringe
woolgather May 2016
Strum the strings!
Strut the insolence in your words!
Crinkle my patience once more!;
My thoughts cannot hinder yours,
Behold, annoyance!

Hog thine face with your cyclical rhythm!
Tug my attention with your hostile nonsense!
Get me caught up in your storm of noises!
Clack, clack, clack, goes your whining!;
My patience goes dwindling.

Heed not my rant,
I merely ramble my thoughts;
Ramble to seem innocent,
Ramble to seem worthy,
Ramble, to seem alive.

Sailing the sea of words,
I have chosen little to none;
I am exhausted by your recurrence,
None seem similar, yet none different;
Chastity is not enough to rest your cause!
Because apparently, one phrase out of their mouth isn't enough; they'd rather preach their nonexistent crises
Apr 2016 · 624
Distasteful Poetry
woolgather Apr 2016
Clicking and clacking, keypad strums,
Shouting every word it conjures,
From the mind of the insane,
To visions quite humane;
Unsettling ******* of words.

I serve not to your entertainment;
Sovereignty still reigns,
It is yours to spend a tad of time, or not,
I merely am placing my thoughts with words;
For it might explode if I bottle it in my brain.

Masterpiece would be an overstatement;
Nonsense would, truly, be an understatement,
Mediocrity seems to fit my anecdotes,
For what one sees in front of them,
May hide something much more hideous.

Wrap your thoughts in my words,
I implore you in your attention,
Yet, who am I to fend off nobody?
I may speak highly for myself,
But, honey, I try to sound like everybody else.

My ears buzz with white noises,
Words seem to fly off my head,
Like a flock of birds startled briskly,
Quite a description, I know, I've tried,
**But I just seem to be a distasteful poet.
A bloated philosophy.
Apr 2016 · 581
Rubber Pain
woolgather Apr 2016
I thought I'd take the leave,
Release the grasp of my love,
My love that never shone through;
Yet I stumble upon a piece or two,
Reminiscing the song of words,
Painful, yes, but touching, as well.

I would admit, some of my rambles
Spew out of my mind when I see you;
A picture, a message, a thought of you, even,
You set my mind fuzzy, yet you make it best me;
Knowing that our hearts can never beat as one,
It fills me with bereavement.

I know time will come that I'll forget you,
Make your existence feeble in my world,
I wished this time would soon come;
Yet, I wish to savor your company,
Even if you don't feel the same for me;
Even if I am feeble to your world.

It's repeating like a broken tune;
The voices in my head,
They speak of you and me,
Of how you would symmetrize my derangements,
And send my flow gushing endlessly;
Of how you make me feel so happy, yet sad.

"I can't make you love me, if you don't",
"I can't make you mine, if I'm nothing",
"I can't be the one to make you happy",
And I won't force you to be.
I'm lost and I can't find my way;
Maybe it's better to be lost; to be deafened by truth.
Well, **** it. I'll always feel the same for you, _____.
Apr 2016 · 767
Juggling Words
woolgather Apr 2016
Deafening brazen censures,
Putrid acts of "kindness",
Bloodied heart of vanity,
Painted to seem worthy,
Clamored to seem wordy,
A twist with words,
A kiss of pain,
Your words of rusted steel.

Disguising disgust in compliments?
Please, don't waste your breath!
I know of your festering conscience;
I know of your elusive plays.
Cherish your words, my darling;
Stop using them for naught;
What use to cover a rotten figure,
In terribly plastered shells?

Enough with your mentality!
Wake up to the truth of reality!
It's not society that's broken;
It's you who's horribly meek!
You think I'm being harsh?
Snap out of your fantasy!
Stop sewing faux pas,
If you can't cover the seams!

Everything is darker than it seems,
Yet, there is also a light to it;
You intend to mold the truth out of Luma,
When you know it's bare of pain,
You already lost, expectedly;
You may get your cravings,
But you will never get what you are worth;
You've soiled your own pride.
Alas, the jester reveals its horrible self.
Apr 2016 · 573
Flee
woolgather Apr 2016
He chirps his last voice,
Clinging onto limbo,
Awaiting his judgement;
The caged.

Shackled by his thoughts,
Bound to torture by choice,
Sulking on putrid grace,
A monstrous mongrel, indeed!

"He is but but a wasted chronicle!",
"Letting himself be battered!";
"Why is he so weak?!",
"Why does he strive to live then?"

They cannot see,
They cannot understand,
The imbecility he does,
Has a grim reason behind it.

His demons cackle in his head:
"Die, you oaf! Lay lifeless in your cowardice!"
He struggles to become whole;
He struggles to be fine.

He screams silently:
"Help me end this sadness!",
He cyphers his voice over vision,
He cyphers his voice over words.

He reaches his hand out,
Hoping someone to answer;
He is beaten black and blue,
Yet he tries to plea.

As his voice begins to fade,
As his body lies down, helplessly,
As his mind goes blank with darkness,
As his hope is violently eradicated.




















*Please. Help. Me.
I just can't anymore.
Apr 2016 · 487
Paranoid Heart
woolgather Apr 2016
How can I know?
How can I let go?
How can I toss you away?
I love you: there's no denying it.
Yet, I can't seem to ask you:
Do you love me too?

I turn *crazy
to the thought of you;
Even if we're so close,
I still feel like you're a world away:
I hate to feel like this;
Nobody else can torture me this way,*
Yet I choose to stay.

I've held you for too long,
It could be an eternity;
And you might be holding me
At the edge of your fingertips;
Playing me like a fool,
Yet knowing this I gladly accepted.

I know you are not aware of it,
I merely am a monologue;
But your influence over me,
Aghast, I needed to state my pleas;
I can't tell you to bore yourself reading this;
It's your choice.

I can't tell how much you are to me
With these words;
It's just the tip of the iceberg;
That is why I grow weak,
To the sight of you;
To the cries of my aching heart.
I can't let you know, I can't let you go. You make me feel messed up, yet you're my remedy. ****.
Apr 2016 · 406
Marionette
woolgather Apr 2016
You ****** my strings,
And begin my dance;
Emotion remaining unchanged.
Yet, I must digress,
What you see painted in my face
Is nothing than mere nonsense.

The puppeteer is anonymous,
Better to hide his horrid acts;
Better to hide his malevolence,
Better to hide hide his ******* of a creation!
O, only if the puppeteer knew,
That the porcelain he plays has soul, as well.

I cannot stand with my own feet,
What articulation is worth,
When you haven't a will,
What the puppeteer gestures,
I have no choice but to abide.
Perhaps, I was not meant to have a voice.

I am caged in this horrid circus!
I tire to pirouette for ghosts!
I tire to plea with silence!
Can I not be what I can be?
Lock me up in your satchel again,
Be deaf to torture once more.

All my words are for naught;
All my emotions, for nothing;
I cannot cut thy strings;
I see another day cease,
I clasp the midnight sky goodbye,
As I am returned to my coop.
Nonsense.
Apr 2016 · 395
Silent Eyes
woolgather Apr 2016
Picture-perfect lives,
The limelight strobes,
The telltale happiness;
Basking in fame,
Basking in glory,
A staple in the norm;
Embodiment of ken,
Unlikely, the blackest of hearts.

What seems out on the surface,
Cannot be par with what is within;
What is found to be a joyous smile,
Is to be a saddened grin.
Yet what matters is what is dumb,
Yet what prevails is what is fake,
Yet what seems gold is really colored stone;
Nothing that happens is what it seems.

I have seen the truth of society!
I have seen the puppeteers behind the strings!
I have seen the death of innocence;
The cadavers of lost greatness!
How are you to impart with me;
A beacon of hope? Oh please!
I have heard enough of your lies!
I have heard enough of your false realities!

But among these objurgations,
I cannot do not one thing.
What bravery one can tell,
Cannot be the same with what he is;
Alas, once more, I end my revolt
Against this cruel nightmare;
I return the mask I wear:
I return the lies I am.
I am tired sitting pretty, watching everything around me rot into anger and despair.

What a nice world it is.
Apr 2016 · 270
Paper
woolgather Apr 2016
Pick me up and rip me apart!*
Tear me to shreds;
Vandal me with your ideas,
Burn me in the pyre of your "
Perfection",
Witness, as I turn my pitied self
Into ashes of whom was once whole.

You wrap me up with everything;
You fold me,*
Creases running along my body.
You stud me with colors,
One more marvellous than the other;
But none so grand.

You waste me;
Crumple me up and throw me in the streets;
You torture me;
Writing scars with your indelible ink;
You chastise me;
Criticizing every inch of me.

But why would I digress?
I'm just a feeble object,
I mean nothing to you;
Don't be surprised if much has changed,
Dear, I really didn't,
You just saw the monstrosity you made of me.
Well.
woolgather Apr 2016
He was born of the grandiosity,
The pride of wolves,
The bravery of lions,
The wit of ravens;
He was born of a beast.

He had the might of the strongest,
He triumphed every strife.
He always had the victory,
Of the pleasures of life,
He was born of a beast, indeed;

Yet unlike the beasts akin;
He was not of ferocity,
A strange affliction, received;
Bravery of lions, he has, indeed,
Yet, he struggles with a foe.

The foe gave the toughest skirmish he had,
Sadly, he failed to vanquish it:
The sullen darkness, the specter,
The mist that did nothing but whisper;
Whisper tragedies over naught.

It filled him with guilt,
It filled him with fear;
It made the Beast weary,
To conceal the scars he sought in battle;
A battle far too explicit.

He, the beast, ventured endlessly,
Trying to hide his curse.
He tried to release himself from everyone;
His kinship, his gallantry,
His kin.

Then in his yonder, he met a wisp;
Lively, bright, pompous.
The wisp accompanied him in his bouts:
The bouts that hid his truths,
The bouts that pushed him away from his realities.

Alas, the Specter he encounters once more.
Again, it whispers his fears.
Amidst the pain he listens to, a faint voice enlightens him;
The wisp speaks his bravery;
The wisp speaks acceptance.

His eyes were unclouded,
It glowed like never before.
He had done something he thought he would've never done:
Vanquish the evil that haunts him;
Vanquish the Specter of Censures.

A day arose again.
He, the Beast awoke, listening to the hymn of the wisp;
It spoke that his battle was not of the specter's,
That his battle was within the Beast's self,
And with it, he slumbers, edified.

He awakens once again,
Realizing the truth that he is:
A flamboyant Faun,
Frolicking in the meadowy grasslands,
Basking the Sun's warmth.

Yet realizing this, he wears his mane once more,
As he is greeted again by his kin;
He fears not that hisself  be lost;
He fears that his all would be lost,
When they are darted by his Truth.

He, the Beast still walks upon his feet,
He still has the grandiosity of his birth,
Yet he forcefully clouds himself in lies,
To hide the reality he only can accept;
The Faun, hiding in the beast's mane.
I try to conceal a lifelong guilt, yet here I am, subtly shedding my worries.
Apr 2016 · 464
Satyr Heir
woolgather Apr 2016
He is always the loud guy.
He is always the life of the party.
He looked like he never had a care in the world.
Yet, there he was, bawling.

He believed in the good in all people,
He felt compassion in living.
He loved, and was loved.
Yet, there he was, alone.

He fears what may happen,
If they find out his truth;
His conscience screams,
His thoughts chastising him.

He feared that his bare skin would be stripped,
His picture-perfect smile, unmasked,
His face unhinged from his "pride",
His aims be nothing but dust.

He hides through his words,
His adamance, growing brittler,
The taste on his mouth, turning bitter,
As he leaves his nonsensical words unfinished.
Guess who?
Apr 2016 · 293
Tragic
woolgather Apr 2016
I write again;
Writing, my blues,
Writing, my bleeding heart;
Writing, my bleeding faith.

I once was like everyone else,
A believer, an optimist;
Then, it hit me, it consumed me:
The truths and the reality.

Now I rot, my mind staring, blank;
My visions, shrouded with darkness.
My everything, painted pitch-black,
My humaneness, destroyed.
A tragedy that did, or did not, happen.
Apr 2016 · 336
A message
woolgather Apr 2016
If you can't look yourself at the mirror,
Don't worry, everything's alright.
If you can't smile anymore,
Don't worry, you're not alone.
If you feel that the world is at your shoulders,
Don't worry, everything's alright.
If you're shedding tears, but can't tell why,
Don't worry, everything's alright.
If you feel like everything can't seem to go your way,
It will be, just hold on.
I may be a nobody, from across the world,
And you may see this as just words,
But if you do read this, just know that,
**Everything's going to be alright.
I hope you could read this, KittenJesus. I've been there before and I still come back to it occasionally. But everything's going to be alright. I promise.
Apr 2016 · 974
Cogs and the Catalyst
woolgather Apr 2016
Into a spiral of words, we go once more
Into the head of a madman;
On the contrary, he is self-proclaimed,
None proves he is a madman, after all.
He sets his machine ablaze,
Sculpting words upon his hundred epitaphs,
Exclaiming he'll end his hell today,
And rise again, tomorrow.

He is but a tinker of words,
He is but a feeble being;
Unable to voice the change he desires,
Unable to converge in the norms.
His machine seems rusted,
Rusted, but not broken;
Spewing out nonsense in disguise,
Molding empty grandeur.

It is not his machine that needs repairs,
It is the Tinker who seeks soothe.
He toils upon his machine,
Only to find that none is wrong;
It still basked in ivory and gold,
It still made what it does.
Yet, why does the Tinker feel such incompleteness?
All was vague, until it, came;

It had a smile that rivaled the sunrise,
It gave the Tinker the eyes to see the truth,
It showed him the light, and umbra of life.
It guided the Tinker to the stars;
It made the Tinker feel new again.
Together, they tinkered the machine once more,
And together, they saw the marvel before their very eyes;
They were truly, a cog and a catalyst.

Yet all is not forever.
It vanished without a trace.
It left the Tinker lost.
With its departure,
It left wake of the darkness in his heart.
His eyes grew dimmer,
He saw his masterpiece again, as a loss,
A failure.

The Tinker left death to feed upon his happiness,
The Tinker felt incompleteness once more;
He gambled for it to stay,
Yet all gambles fail in the end.
Yet the Tinker never knew,
It never left him.
The Tinker was made a fool over nothing;
Art lest, just offer nonsense, in love's yonder.
If you find it confusing, then it works. It's literally how I feel every time.
Apr 2016 · 463
Sans Love
woolgather Apr 2016
I loved you for who you are,
I accepted all of your flaws;
You made my heart grow flowers,
Yet, you never knew.

                                                        ­                                    I was always your *silent
lover, and;
                                                            ­                                                      I'll never cease to be.
                                                             ­                                                                 ­  I cried your tears,
                                                          ­                                              Have you ever cried for me?

Why, I haven't the slightest,
Torturing my young heart,
I have never loved anyone more than you,
On the contrary, love is unfamiliar to me.

                                                            ­                                                    I wish you could read this,
                                                           ­                                  Though, I doubt you ever would:
                                                        ­                                                              Y­ou may erase me,
                                                           ­                                                              But I'll never let go.
It's been a while since my attention drifted from my torment to my heart.
Apr 2016 · 218
Storm
woolgather Apr 2016
A never-ending rage,
Blowing gusts of hatred,
words, cracking like the sound of thunder,
He wrote, Storm.
Nonsense.
Apr 2016 · 319
Tattered
woolgather Apr 2016
He was once a joyful kid,
He thought he had a picture-perfect family.
He loved everyone around him,
He had the joys of the world;
He was happy.

Yet the allegers came into the scene,
Brutally murdering his happiness,
He cried for days, of course,
But after a day he always shrugged it off,
He never knew what it meant.

Day by day, the sky grew darker,
His parents constantly shouted,
His afflictions constantly battered him,
The wolves wounded him deeper,
Yet he never, understood.

Until that day arrived,
Raging on, the darkness came,
Abusing him,
Pleads for help, rejected,
Ending the catastrophe unsolved.

He cried for justice,
He cried for his mother's tears to halt,
He cried for his father's tyranny to stop,
He cried for his innocence to return,
Nothing, nothing, nothing.

His innocence was too young to die,
Yet he never understood;
No one, understood,
He knew all, but was kept silent,
Again, no one understood.

Havoc kept tormenting him,
Scraping off the joy he's ought to see,
His everything changed,
No one understood,
His solitude, gone.

Years passed, love hit him,
But love too deranged for anyone to understand,
Cowardice enveloped him,
Hiding his afflictions
Towards his afflictor.

Confused, deranged, demented,
He struggles to write these flurries of words,
Stringing a pointless cause,
Echoing in his head,
The truth will never set me free.

He struggled in fifteen years,
And it never ended,
Seeking the truth he desires,
Losing who he was,
Losing who he should be.

He found his empire in words,
He found his art in poetry,
He found his solitude in himself,
But weak still is his heart,
Weak from years of hatred.

He wishes for all to end,
For his love to cry for him,
When he vanishes,
And thee, I feel my heart sinking;
He never bid farewell to Madness.
**** it. This is me.
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