If I said you mean everything to nothing
Would you believe me if I said that was me?
I am the empty null within your soul
The missing key you dropped
Lost in the muck along the trail
Drained by the rain
In a stream along the weeping willows
If I said you mean everything to nothing
Would you say I am that very thing?
The darkness in the night
Still and cold with a silent fight
Well look at me now
Right in my hazel eyes
I want to be your nothing
You are my everything
I want to lie in your fields of wheat
And be the purest nothingness
Not the void, but the peace
The nirvana you meditate to achieve
That is me
That is what I want to be
That is where we can be free
So I say,
You mean everything to nothing
Please believe me
Take my hand
Let’s be everything to nothing

They tell me to write
But my heart is in my hands
With a seizing beat
There is nothing but frozen  time
Memories of distant days
When he filled my veins
And I tasted of summer honeysuckle
Wild berries and sweet sweat
But I've peeled my skin like an orange
And threw away the fruit
To leave nothing but rind
I've left myself to be a shell
An empty vessel in this life
Treading a desolate city
Of ghosts that know my past
Because we are the same
Our stories are fundamental tragedies of naive children
We've tattooed our necks
And bathed  in the salt
Of the choices we've made
And the lies that we keep
To live this world with our falsified beliefs
Our vanquished faiths
And blinded eyes

Everything that was wanted
Slowly dressed itself black
Hiding in the nightfall
Becoming a phantom
A whisper that's almost silent
Where have all these dreams gone?
And where did these eyes go?
All things have dwindled to nothing
Desires are just coals
Burnt out in the fires
That lit up the summer nights
Now the cold set in
Frozen in the hell of confusion
Sight of the world
Health of the mind
All are ash in the frigid air
Fogged up thoughts
Blurred vision of death
Sinking into what was lost
That day when life stood still
And the veils of time
Plagued the world with blindness

My mind runs rampant
As the days pass quickly
While I work endlessly
In the heat of the evening
The world reminds me
daily, that I'm not alone
This life is mirage in my daze
I'm the bee making honey
Beneath the queen of queens
Yet I stumble upon the lives
Of those who serve beyond
All that I have ever known
They work like slaves
Bruised and exhausted
Under the light that reminds us
That there is more than night
There are stars and a moon
Shining the haze of thought
Which beams the essence
Of human flesh on the grill
We are burned and cooked
To nothing more than ash
Yet there is a depth beyond
This strange life we lead
A horizon that awaits our soul
The fresh air that renews
Like the dew that waters grass
We will find our salvation
When we finally make a choice
To relinquish ourselves to the king
The only one who knows torture
And finds sanction in hell
For we are not our own person
Rather the product of a warrior
Who suffered for every thing we are
The sins we find to define us
Are nothing more than the mirage
We painted in our hearts before
So I tell you me friends and foes
Don't dream any longer than you have
Live each day as your last
And serve not the honey to the comb
But the fruit of the tree in your heart
The apple in the orchard
The sweet berry of the wild
For we are not the slaves of the kitchen
But the servers of our brethren

Our eyes caught a simple glance
Countless times
But this time I knew very well
You felt what I did too
A strange desire buried in the depths
Of our minds
I long for your touch
The soft caress of your hand
Upon my silken flesh
And the sound of you breathing
As you sleep so delicately
Aside my frame
I yearn for the words to leave my mouth
That speak the Truth
And everything you've done
Oh dear I'm here and always will be
Dreaming when it's us
Not you and I, but the universe
Within our bodies
Because we've found each other
Giving one another
The very breath we've been searching for

My vision went blank
The memory is gone
When I wasn't there

I was held captive
By the bottle of falsity
In the midst of a crowd

My deepest possession
Was stolen in the dark
I was more dead then them

But I woke up in life
In the hell of my sins
Drowned by own blood

A strange taste sunk in
Bittersweet like rind
But it burned like liquor

My flesh was emptied
I was carrying my heart
As it diminished in hand

The air was thick and wild
My lungs filled by dust
Of what was left behind

My song turned melancholic
As my soul hid quickly
With the depths of my spirit

The years passed
And like a mirage
They dissipated

Now I dine alone
At the broken table
I placed in my home

There's a part I've lost
A place I'll never find
I am the ghost of my death

Submerged in a lake
Floating to the surface
But it won't break
This last breath is unfeasible
And like the sun peers through
He appears like a mirage
With her in his arms
Sinking
Deeper and deeper 
Caressing the rocky bottom
It's dark now
Eyes closed or open
The answer is not there
And as quickly as I sunk
They disappeared 
The heart is heavy
Broken
Death is knocking
And I opened the door
The curtains closed
My soul burned to ash
My spirit lost without you

182.5

The year has taken its last breath
As I’ve inhaled the air of new hopes
But with this end was also a renewal
The seed of our love has been replanted
In the midst of the bitter cold winter
And the pain of past mistakes sinks in
The music cradles me as I sway along
Like a leaf falling from a tree in the fall
My heart has sunken in again, with my bones
Yet I still have a feeling that this isn't the end
I see the brokenness in your eyes
As you feel the hurt upon my skin
We taste the passion, that bathes in desire
Yet with a match we set fire to it all
Watch it burn before us, as our bodies sink
My dear, the truth cannot be hidden
It's been 182.5 days since we've felt each other
And still we become like wolves in flames
Loving as the sky rocks the stars
And so I wait…for what’s another day
Compared to a lifetime with you

My heart beats the rhythm of this song
We wrote together when I was blind
Every note breathes the essence of you
As I sink into the touch you left on me
These thoughts consume each night
Before I rest my eyes upon this floor
That holds the desires I've locked away
You've left an impression I can't remove
A tattoo on my spirit I long to renew
Yet all the same my heart wishes to erase
I met you in a convoluted state of self
And lost you in the whirlwind of hate
Now I walk upon this road I've paved
As you go your way, not a trace of me
All the while I bless you with the best
While you'll always be there upon my chest
So dear be well in this life we call reality
You're blood will still rush through my veins
And my soul will consistently sing of you

Lately I find myself consumed by thoughts
My mind runs rampant of images of you
Running into your arms as you hold me
Our lips touch as the world fades away
Just you and I in the midst of the city
Putting to sleep the place that never rests
Yet I know these images are just a dream
That plays over like a broken record
Our imaginations can be a mirage
However I still hope that you see me
In your dreams and see all that I see in you
Maybe I've just hit the brink of craziness
Or this longing is everything you feel
I fell in love so easily as we stood
Side by side for months in the depths
Of the desolate kitchen that drove us
Oh dear I know I'm just a fool in this
But my mind still runs like waterfalls
Crashing and pouring but bringing solace

Like an illustrious knight who slain the dragon
You’ve left a memory that is carved in stone
But you are no warrior with a legacy
You are a boy whose dreams are illusory
As a spider in the mystery of the night
That has spun an intricate web of death
You catch your pray and gorge on them
The flies they fill your stomach to your throat
And there I am, stuck in this deceptive net
Where you’ve murdered my lustrous spirit
Through selfish lies inside a jar you gave to me
I believed in all the beauty I thought I saw
But I was blind by flesh and flesh alone
I saw the skin that was soaked in sweetest nectar
And like a starving dog, I hungered for it
I became the bee who served the lords
With this I tried to make a golden royal honey
From every piece of you I yearned for
Yet again I find myself caught in the delusion
You’ve led me to believe was verily true
My own naiveté has killed me by your bones
I blame you not of any pain that lives within my soul
I have sanded all of myself to nothingness
Because I wanted to believe in your sincerity
But as I swallowed every evil you fed to me
I  lost all sight of who I was and who you really are
So goodnight my master behind the curtain
You live inside of me and I am chained to you
Like a slave to the white man in times of strife
You beat me to a numbness without a single tear
And here I stand before the empty world where you are
A carcass who appears to be alive in every sense
The ultimate duplicity within this flawed reality
I am dead in all the meaning of the word
Yet still I find myself to love you oh my great Deceiver

It's four in the morning and I haven't slept for days or maybe even years
The thought of your chest beating against mine lingers in my mind
As I try to fall into my dreams that no longer seem to come by
It was a short few days that brought you so close to myself
You may have forgotten, yet I can't seem to shake you from my bones
Oh dear you felt so right even though you think you're so wrong
They say I'm so sweet and so kind but they just don't really know
We are both broken but I know we can thrive with each other
Or maybe it's just a fantasy I've painted vividly inside my soul
You've done something to my core I cannot begin to put in words
And as I stare upon the blank, white ceiling in my bedroom
I think about the times I felt you so close within my spirit
But I am alone now, with the melodies of songs that leave me empty
As you're ghost dances upon the strings of my veins

Promises I cannot keep
Seem to be my fatal flaw
I told myself I will not feel
And here you are within me
Like a painting in its start
You add the layers to what I lost
I'm the canvas to your hands
Being made into a masterpiece
A smile of infinite immortality
Gleaming in the summer night
Like a full moon in the sky
I'm pulling you closer
As you hold me by a string
The fishing line of friendship
And nothing more
Soon I'll be thrown back
To the waters that I know
Where I'll sink to the bottom
And graze on the rocks
Without you
Without life

The butterflies have flown to the garden next door
Where I no longer feel their wings upon my silken skin
My mind sinks into the daydreams of a little girl
Who longs for fairy tales and mystic lands of splendor
But as my eyes shift and this vision begins to focus
I enter the cellar of what is the reality of today
A mere glimmer of hope shines through the window
However the stench of molding cement walls
Fills my lungs reminding me of the death I see
There is no field of wheat to run through
I lye on the bones of all the people I've killed
No flowers caress my skin and perfume my body
My flesh morphs into the skeletons I've kept
The dreams conceived by the child I had been
I have buried them beneath the pillow that I sleep upon
And yet as I rest my exhausted spirit in the night
I drift to no place and feel the heaviness of the day
As the sound of wind whistles through the cracks
Of the house that I claimed to be my home
I watch the life that exists outside of these walls
The leaves from the trees are brushing against the window
Trying to clean the dust that had built up throughout the years
My mind drifts to a sadistic state where I no longer exist
Just the carcass of myself in this empty coffin
The melodies of the night drown the noise of my demise
And in the end there is nothing left here, where I am
Not even the neighbor's garden, where the butterflies lived

These excuses are venom that poison my mind
Evasions to conceal what I cannot fathom to find
They spew like ***** tasting bitter like rind
But they adorn me with comfort that I cannot unbind 
So I sit with a smile and a face awry yet kind
Only to mask that I loathe what's behind

Not me, not you, but really the demons inside
 That I've let bury deep and try faithfully to hide
But truth knows it's way past the words that i lied
And it will burn the shards that I've left on this ride
To scorn me of the errors in all that I've put on my side
I'll run from the confusion through this high tide
And stand alone as the mournful abandoned bride

Truth will never remain hidden
Even through all the forbidden
It will pound endlessly within
A caged bird in our sin
Waiting to be set free
By the One who holds the key
Madness will take its reign
Light will dwindle in the pain
But my disconsolate child
All will cease in the wild
Winter will bare you to bone
Beside a vacant throne
That Truth will claim
To cloak you in passion's flame
Igniting your lifeless eyes
Calming your sobbing cries
You'll lay upon His chest
Succumbed by peace and rest
For Truth will never cease
Even in a swarm of bees

As I taste the air tonight
I reminisce our memories
Finding myself in that diner
With a large slice of cake
Discussing our lives
Swinging in that playground
With the illuminating moon
Telling our visions and dreams

These were the better times
When my heart ignited
And I showed you all of me
While you exposed yourself
We showed our selves bare
And learned each other’s bodies
In the midst of the storm
Searching for every answer

But quickly the woe set in
My naive self discarded you
As attention consumed me
Now it’s you that shuts down
As you turn cold in my presence
Masking any feeling that exit
In the whirlwind of our lives
That swims in a changing sea

I see my reflection in this water
And feel every ounce of regret
For the love I denied you
With the warmth I robbed you of
My love you are my everything
The brightest parts of me
Are composed of every bit of you
I long for your tender embrace
Those lips that bring tingles

In the end I need your soul
That spirit of yours is in me
It caresses my mind like a lover
But tortures me like a demon
I have taunted you like so
And now its my turn to be killed
I’m yearning for the numbness
That I plagued on your mind

With this, I know,
I will always,
Only love you

I've been sinking in the space
Between the both of you
An oblivion I'm drowning in
The jealousy of all I knew
I've come to lick the dirt
And drink the salt like water
Only to find myself more dry
Like the desert in July
I want to live everything
That you have told me
Yet my mind screams death
In every silent moment I receive
I hope to float ashore
Where your words have lingered
And came to life like Jesus
Yet my stubborn soul fights
While it beats me to the ground
I'm a wolf escaping the pack
Howling at the red moon
As salted tears burn my flesh
I miss you with all my spirit
As my thoughts burn like cigarettes
Temporary and relieving
But killing me peacefully
Until the end of the times
When my body fails and my heart
It seizes to beat like the drum
Of which it once had done
And I'm just the null that haunts
Every bit of what I can endure
I long for the days in your arms
Those soft spoken words
That put to rest all these demons
And quench the life that thirst
For the truth you've always spoken

Notes to the one who doesn't Know

The time has slowly passed
My heart stagnant in the drift
You've left my body empty
I've lost my spirit when you left
I cannot explain this all
I'm lost in the abyss of the fall
Yet I find myself running
Consistently from the love
That I've only purely felt
With You

Everything. You. Me.
It was our heaven
A home within the wild
The child cradled
In the carriage we made
My dear I love you forever
And my soul has been null
With out You

Death has tiptoed through my mind
Fogging my mind like a dreary fall day
Whether it be upon that rock
Hand in hand, the trees whistling
When I stared you in the eyes
And said "I could die here. Right now"
Or in the darkest of moments
Where I imagine my death beyond a dream
And then it drifts away like sunset
Leaving me still within the emptiness
Day by day, it is one or the other
But somehow I push through it
As I yearn for the final breath of air
Seized by my very own brittle hand
I've painted myself blue, stuck in still life
Walking through the still life of my soul

These memories are eternally inscribed  between my flesh and my bones
They have set sail in my tattered veins
Whispering waves into my blood stream
That crash softly into my old soul
And cleanse my mind of the hell I know
These memories dance upon my skin
Like words that linger from your lips
They tingle with a lovers passion
Like your bare skin pressed against my own
They comfort my heart when I'm in need
But destroy me when I cannot hide
And so I grasp upon the faint hope
That fate exists within this story
Even through the thickest of forrest
I wish to find your soul once again
So these memories won't fade away

Because there is more to be written and     more to be said and more to be felt

A pensive presence
With velvet eyes
That lure you in
With passionate
Hidden essence
Beyond the flesh
Within the soul
I'd like to see you
Through glass
Inside a watch
Against the clock
I wish not to wait
For any demise
Take off the guise
Life is lingering
Stagnancy diminishing
By my fists
I'll run to you
In any storm
Against the mist
I want you now
Today
Tomorrow
Forever
Without sorrow
On my skin
Within my bones
Love lavishes
When we allow it
And I've made my choice
The cards are here
In your hands
Now

I said au revoir a long time ago
To the only thing that made me real
So that I could be an ornament
Of this flesh they know me by
I clogged my vessels with false pretenses
Weighed down by love that's not there
Guised by a beating heart under the fire
And now walking a trail towards nowhere
I can now conclude I am only human
But I was once much more

Stars filled the moonlit sky
The field lit up like fire
And the fox came for me
My hand in his snout
His fangs in my flesh
The blood was not there
Salvation in a desolate city
Wandering hopelessly
To nowhere but everywhere

I'm lying on the carpet
Staring at the ceiling
As though I'm waiting
For a scene to begin
But nothing plays
Like the void within me
It remains empty
Blank and hopeless
I'm congested
      Everywhere
And the music is on replay
Fences hold me in
As I'm falling apart
Tears have become
My blanket
The sediment covers my face
A guile of salt if you will
And here I am
Lost forgotten and gone

I stepped into the vines
In pursuit of TIME’s gates
Hoping to delay the
This life that I am leading
And through the pines
         &Spider; webs
I found them
The Tarantulas
          on my back
With a shriek and some haste
I turned away
I threw them from myself
And scurried back
Little have I spoken?
Of the one beside me
Who walked hand in hand
              with me
A stained boy
I did not know
Who steered me to these doors
In a dream I call a terror
And like lightening
           they flashed
These currents opened
Reality has exposed itself
to me
Now I ponder my adventure
I heaved in fear
But I long to return
I WANT to find
What lies behind
The doors at the end
Of this unkempt land
Where I can crawl
The black widow of the dawn
And discover
    These veins
      *Within my own mind

Upon the canopy of my mind
I look down to see what I couldn’t find
And there you stand hand in hand
With the love you cannot leave
It begins to rain heavily
And you kiss passionately
I close my eyes and jump
Then I wake up

I hear them again in my head
They buzz like bees in a hive
And I lose my sanity day by day
I find my self back to the beginning
Where the nothingness I had felt
Became exactly what I was
Now I'm running towards this
Backwards to the past that broke me
Yet brought me a sick satisfaction
That is malicious by character
A certain synthetic happiness
That feels more real than I can say
So here before myself I stand
Naked as I've come to be
Drenched in salt, swollen, incomplete
And I surrender to the queen
I'll drink your poisoned honey
Joining your fleet of slaves
Relinquishing my flesh to you
So I can find a way to breathe
And sleep away my being
Into the bones I was born to be

Nothing has ever been consistent in my life
Expect the thought of you within my mind
Days pass, seconds tic away with the clock
Yet you linger within the time that passes
Ever so present in every part of my being
Thriving in the depths of spirit, a soul in mine
I try so desperately to remove you from me
But your blood runs so deeply inside my own
The scent of your skin still haunts me today
And I imagine you're body intertwined with me
My dear I haven't forgotten a thing you've done
I've only pushed away the constant you were
The love that lives daily in my delicate heart
I wish you all the best, while I yearn for you
Dreaming of the day, a yellow diamond rests
Upon my small finger, like we once had desired

A question lingers in my mind
Shall these words ever leave
This chained down tongue
I yearn for the  answer
But the fear it holds me back
From the inside out it tears me apart
I just need to know
Before the sand runs out
And my watch is upside down
Whether this heart of mine
Can invest in an empty soul
Will I be the one to fill it up
Quenching the thirst you have
Or will I be a whispered note
To drift along in the wet cold
In silence beyond the earth
For you I'd like to be this
I know what response awaits
Yet I still think to ask
But I don't want pains reign

The hour strikes to midnight
And I find myself consumed
As these thoughts choke me
They grasp my mind intensely
Gripping me with every strength
I toss
I turn
No sleep
Just wonder
Regret from the past
Fear of the future
And hurt from today
I cannot seem to find control
No air to fill my lungs
Nor peace to calm my flesh
Just chaos in my head
Congesting me with vigor
I question everything I can
As I long for all that could be
And die to all that has been
I lay here empty in my soul
For giving up all that I sewed
The birds chirp as the sun rises
And my eyes sink deeper
As I think to the point of death
I burn from the exhaustions
I throb from the insomnia
Yet my body fights my flesh
That I gave up long ago

The sound of our names begin with a -kuh
It clicks off my tongue with a je ne sais quoi 
My body it tingles with the prance of your song
It quivers in the silence of a home in the wrong
But together we swim in the warm summer sky
Where all the dirt is washed away as we fly
You are the wings of my butterfly self
The only treasure that truly brings me wealth
My heart longs for your touch 
And it desires your kiss that holds so much
Baby you're the song to my soul
Lover of mine in all that is whole
So let's share the syllables of ourselves
And be one book on all the shelves

I want to skin myself
And bare my bones
To forget the times
You touched my flesh
I’d like to massacre
This soul beneath it all
But emotions bind me
To the bed of my hell
Burning my spirit
Until it bleeds through
And my heart pounds
Violently choking me
A torment of delusion
That caused a fall
Within my deepest core
My mind and being
Itch until I see the blood
Because you're in there
Like a bat in the cave
You hear me, but never
Never will you see me

As I dance upon the bones
In the graveyard of my past
I begin to sink into oblivion
All sense of human dissipates
Like the flesh that has no breath
I feel the void of death
The emptiness within my soul
That left me long ago
I fall to my knees
Bruised and torn from a beating
That life so grotesquely gifts
I gorge on the dirt that buries the dead
Choking on the lies they all kept
Seeing right through them
As the ghost sees through life
And so I tell you my friend
The air that fills your lungs
Will be the murderer of us all
You breath the convoluted words
That cursed humanity in a kiss
So eat your demons with me
And walk upon the cemetery
That I have claimed my home

As I lived in the storms that you summoned
I found myself drowning in the flood
I searched for the surface, to breath again
But I only kicked and choked on the water
That surrounded my bones like skin

Through it all I swallowed the salt
And dried out my throat like a desert
Burning the tender flesh that was left barren
In the attempts of survival in this hell

But I relinquish everything I have to you
I have died a thousand ways in a single moment
In your arms as they broke me in every breath
Like the devil you have stolen my soul

Now I rest upon the concrete ground
Freezing the skeleton that is left of me
And as I slowly dissipate like dust in the wind
The wrath you've blown into my spirit takes control

I am left to a mere nothingness
That is devoid of all reality, a pure illusion
I do not exist by your tongue's curse
This is my grave they lay the flowers upon

So I digress in all my thought with all of me
I bow to every lie I’ve eaten in this life
And enslave myself to every man I know
Because I am not here and I am not alive

These thoughts flutter in my mind
Like butterflies through a field of daisies
On a hot summer afternoon in July
They warm my spirit like whiskey
But just the same they burn like fire
Tossing me around like clothes in a drier
So many words rest upon these lips
Yet not one can dance within the breeze
Choked by the fears that come so easily
I've found myself running as fast as I can
Away from the potential pain that could follow
As my heart lies heavy upon my chest
Something has blossomed inside of me
But I've left it to die like a rose in the desert
Nothing has moved me without you here
I've become stagnant, a tree in a storm
Unrooted by the gusts that carry thousands
Of pounds that are the same weight
On my shoulders through this life that I paved
I sink like an anchor into my own ocean
And graze like the calf still learning to grow
With all of this I can only find that I'm broken
Like a mirror cursing every step we take
Yet I hope that in turmoil I'll find my sun
The light that guides me to the joy that is Love

everything is so lackluster
empty as the carcass of a crow
the sounds of breaking glass
between these rotting teeth
play the melody of this room
filled with last years stale bread
dry and hard like the boulder in sand
the coffee tastes bitter on my tongue
and this smoke fills my lungs
with the false hope of a future
the rain beats upon the tin roof
and the cries of all the people
are masked like a bride on her day
but the joy does not linger
no smiles warm like summer skies
just dim light from the setting sun
a wishful feeling of more to come
as the night sets in to end the day
we will become the wolves
the sons and daughters of the moon
howling our lamentations
of lost life in the eves of yesterday
we are children of a time that never was
the spirits of this ephemeral space
A place that existed in the hell of death
That never really was attained
so rest your mind upon the grave
we never were and never will be

As I hear the piano keys sound
And each string from the guitar
I travel back to your tender arms
Where I found safety in all its truth
You do not know nor comprehend
How much you truly meant to me
And as the time passes nothing fades
The music continues on each day
My dreams capture you in purity
But in reality I am here without you
And my heart silently sobs daily
For I've lost the best thing I ever had
Because fear and uncertainty
Bonded to me in an unfamiliar place
Like a husband I served them
These things had broke me
And as I lay upon my empty bed
My mind inevitably thinks of you
I conceive every possibility
I shed every tear that sings longing
But you will never trust my heart
The way I had trusted you that day
I left every chain that tied me down
In hopes that I'd find a freedom
That only you will ever understand
Nonetheless I tossed it like dust
And it dissipated into the air
Yet I breathe it in and choke endlessly
On the wonder of all that was
And everything that could've been
Instead I'm consumed by the rush
Of a city that holds so many promises
But you are not within them
Leaving me hopeless of the future
Where you and I walk hand in hand
And I quietly die in the midst of it all

As quick as the winds caress
My heart sinks as the air thickens
The weight of the world triples
And I'm crumbling under it all
I silently sob as I begin to choke

No one prepares you for heartbreak
It just creeps up like the night
And blinds you instantaneously
Leaving you lost and confused

I drift into a sort of numbness
Attempting to destroy my memory
Of days where my smile was genuine
And Joy existed in the hell of life

But through this attempt of forgetting
I find myself still crawling on cement
Spitting up the blood I've lost
Shedding all the tears of my flesh

I'm broken from my spirit to my bone
There is no horizon I see any longer
Only the darkness that hovers me
Masking all the truth within this soul

If he knew what lays beneath this skin
He would know that my heart beats
Like a voodoo drum in celebration
Strong and powerful filled with passion
I look upon the past in such regret
Wishing I would have taken your path
I want to walk with you through the woods
That ignite your spirit with hope
I long to to cross the river on a line
Like we had that day when we were friends
You confided in me as I did to you
And all the while I dreamed of us
He was there for me in all my struggle
I tried to be there in all his woe
You know I cared for you with every part
But I put you through the fire of my life
I had you walk on burning coals
That were conceived in my hell
I love you with every cell that composes me
However I know that all my words
Are absolute nothingness in your mind
Your world has no space for my flesh
And with this I brake into pieces
I disintegrate like dust in the wind
In the end I would do anything
To be in your arms and touch those lips
With my own in all the desire that lives
Within my soul and in my bare bones
You are there until I lay within my casket
My dear I apologize for all the strife
And yet I hold to my hearts needs for you
As I try to digress, my dear I love you

These winds they crash into the sea that I have made into myself
Water salted, pulled and pushed to form the waves of all my limbs
I've died a thousand times before, drowned solely by my own accord
To hit the sand with every strength and force behind my every bone
Only to erode the grains of all the sand and stone I've stole
Not for crystals to be formed or treasures to be left behind
But to take what I have lost in burning wounds beyond my mind
To try and mend myself
To be the one I long to be

The vulture, the girl, the boy**
The door rumbled and chills ran down my spine
It was time, she said, to fall beneath her hell
As quickly as she unlocked the door
A burst of stale burning air rushed through
And her neck was wrung like a bird
She became the vultures prey
He gorged on her fragile frame
Crushing her like an empty soda can
The blood rushed through her skin
She was swollen and crimson on the surface
But black inside as death took shelter
She lost it all at last to the devils hands
He left her alone to fight the evil she was dealt
But she lost the war long before the battles
Her desires tasted like salt
Burning her wounds from all her life
They dried her out like a desert
Where she choked on sand that blinded her
The boy never knew how much she needed him
He’ll never know how much he meant
Since fear shackled her to the ground
And the vulture feasted on her heart
That caused her to leave without a sound

I've seen my bones
Through my sheer skin
By sins of many tones
In places I've never been

I've signed away my mind
To all the wonders I sought
And found myself blind
To all the truth that I fought

Now my frame is too weak
In it's pursuit to taste the water
Where the fish will speak
In the arms of the great potter

Instead I walk invisibly
With my blue veins to show
The grief I hid defensively
By the tongue of the crow

In a life without meaning
You become the smoke
That dissipates
In the air from the breath
Of which you breathe
Like fire from the dragon
Your mouth speaks heat
Of the burning flame
That your soul won't contain
You know nothing
Of your brother of your sister
But truth within yourself
Releases selfish intentions
I cannot fathom but a word
That connects the colors
Of combustion  in flesh
A False pretense of living
I conclude as I digress
We live a lie of selflessness
We indulge in all the sin
That satisfies our empty hearts

The sun sets whilst darkness creeps
I am like the night, void of all light
And with this I see the truth we are
Humanity has become the veil of lies

We are not real in this world we see
Rather we are the product of falsity
The very painting of mathematics
The numbers of every conspiracy  

With this I can see the complacency
That was accepted based on history
Which leads to the circle of living
All of which is the sickness we accept

We are all the hell we want to refrain
Since we grasp every sin we hate
Life is but a paradox of hurt and joy
Yet pain reigns like Caesar in Rome  

And so we will be killed by knife
By the hands of our loved neighbor
Because we do not see any love
In the lives we lead beneath the clouds

The wooden floor is drenched in blood
That you have shed from your mouth
I pick up the teeth that you have lost
And question why I am so calm
Then I see myself losing my bones
Breaking into a body beaten down
To a nothingness that is mere ash
I am the residue of the hell I lived
A fear encompasses my flesh
From my core to my mind to the soul

I am scared beyond comprehension
Of all that lies beneath the dirt
I am decaying like them but yet...
I scream in the panic as the light dims
And I find myself sweating in the horror
Where have I gone to have come to this
I am nothing but the void in the sky
The discomfort has turned to agony
So I smile to hide the truth in my heart
He has no idea...They will never know
That I am simply broken like pixels

You can only see me if you look consciously
But I am a deceiver as is the media
I hide behind everything that molds me
Like cement I am hardened to be stepped on
I am the rotted apple you toss away
Because I lost my spirit in the war
That you sent me through by passion
Desire has killed me as has every sin
I am no longer here...I am dead to you
And to everyone who thinks they see

Tell me I'm in a waiting room
Tell me this is just a nightmare 
Tell me this is just temporary
Tell me you'll keep your words
Will truth please prevail
Can you stop my deafening wale
I long for a promise kept
I long for a love unaltered
I'm a bride standing alone
At the alter abandoned and scared
Whisper me back to our land
Tell me all that was will be again
Tell me those words you said
And seal them with a kiss
Tell me your heart and I will tell you mine
Tell me everything 
I want all of it
The songs of all the music within
Draws me back to what had been
Tell me please
Tell me now
Just tell me you love me

The time it passes as quickly as it comes
As I reminisce of moments with him and I
You celebrate another year upon this Earth
While I find myself chasing my wildest dreams
But yet I find my heart, a beat upon your drum
Your touch lingers within a capsule of my mind
As my dreams remember when you were all mine
I gave you something special, a part I can’t refine
A crazy bit of self, that thrives within your soul
My dear I can’t forget you, no matter how I try
You’ve left a mark upon me, a scar that’s in disguise
And so I’m left to say, I love you nonetheless
I hope you find the freedom, that lives within your bones
You’ll always be my love, regardless of this fall

With all its bones and flesh
And veins that speak the soul
Tells a story in its movement
In the rhythm of the spirits song

When two bodies move about
Like birds in heat within the summer
They sing a song of passion
As they taste each other's sweat

The music continues to linger
Even if we no longer hear the sound
But these dancers drink the salt
They have longed to share

As every curve speaks through bends
And every touch tingles within
It is the body that shows us
That love knows every tongue

So let's write our stories in each step
And breathe each other into our cores
Where every bruise is bared
As our skin slowly strips itself

Let us all buzz around like bees
In pursuit of the flower's nectar
That creates the honey of our minds
To feed every heart the sweetness

Of the truth our shapes can speak
And let us be true in every beat
So that no lie can hide beneath us
And our bones can be white as snow