182.5

The year has taken its last breath
As I’ve inhaled the air of new hopes
But with this end was also a renewal
The seed of our love has been replanted
In the midst of the bitter cold winter
And the pain of past mistakes sinks in
The music cradles me as I sway along
Like a leaf falling from a tree in the fall
My heart has sunken in again, with my bones
Yet I still have a feeling that this isn't the end
I see the brokenness in your eyes
As you feel the hurt upon my skin
We taste the passion, that bathes in desire
Yet with a match we set fire to it all
Watch it burn before us, as our bodies sink
My dear, the truth cannot be hidden
It's been 182.5 days since we've felt each other
And still we become like wolves in flames
Loving as the sky rocks the stars
And so I wait…for what’s another day
Compared to a lifetime with you

Upon the canopy of my mind
I look down to see what I couldn’t find
And there you stand hand in hand
With the love you cannot leave
It begins to rain heavily
And you kiss passionately
I close my eyes and jump
Then I wake up

The time it passes as quickly as it comes
As I reminisce of moments with him and I
You celebrate another year upon this Earth
While I find myself chasing my wildest dreams
But yet I find my heart, a beat upon your drum
Your touch lingers within a capsule of my mind
As my dreams remember when you were all mine
I gave you something special, a part I can’t refine
A crazy bit of self, that thrives within your soul
My dear I can’t forget you, no matter how I try
You’ve left a mark upon me, a scar that’s in disguise
And so I’m left to say, I love you nonetheless
I hope you find the freedom, that lives within your bones
You’ll always be my love, regardless of this fall

I left my heart in his hands today
To be held safely as I went away

"I'll come back to you" I whispered
But my heart had screamed

She waled for me not to go
Yet I knew it must be so

She would survive
He would revive

"oh dearest of mine" I spoke
  " don't worry, just rest in his hands" I choke

I enter the horizon freely
And fade away swiftly

I long for my heart, it's true
But this empty life I must pursue

Until time grants me her magic
And I fly back as a manic

Whence I hold her again
Together we will cradle in zen

Tightly bound to his chest
In a song of no rest

Where our hearts are one beat
And my home is finally concrete

  I've given away my being
As I walk a ghost not seeing

Living empty in space
Until I win times race

Diego tell her I'll be back soon
Diego, I love you and our tune

The days passed slowly in a drunken haze
As this sleepless delusion was set ablaze
My limbs weakened with the rising sun
While the spiders in my head began to run
Spinning webs beneath my sunken skin
Piercing my veins like deadly sin
Yet through it all my bones withstood
The war taking heed within falsehood
By words of Truth I found my sanction
Even as my spirit dies in such a fraction
And like the dead become living grass
My flesh will live again like sandy glass
But as for now this life consumes me
And I will work like the honey bee
Until the bitter taste on my tongue
Becomes the flavor of the purest young

I was swinging on this swing
Like a child from the past
And these thoughts swarmed me
As the bees do in the spring

The time slowed, but I was happy
A blissful moment I yearn for
When my mind was running wild
But my heart was sound and still

It's in these moments I feel again
The beauty that living delivers us
Like the touch of sun after winter
And your flesh begins to smile

But this has passed and here I am
Again in this pit that I've dug
Where I think myself into a whirlwind
As I sink deeper into the hell I've seen

And so life goes round and round
Like a Ferris wheel spins and spins
But there is no such joy in this
Rather an empty hollow space I know

I'm in the void I ran from long ago
Wishing I would have stayed
Wondering what would have been
If only I accepted the reality I was in

My human self filled with chaos
Has brought me to the false present
That is really the death I've chosen
The very fate I've longed to escape

Yet somewhere in me waits for you
I cling to a hope that circles are lies
And there is a way to end this
That I won't keep ending back here

So as these moments of sleep
Pass me by like the wind in the fall
I will float like a leaf until I land
On the grounds my desire's dream

If he knew what lays beneath this skin
He would know that my heart beats
Like a voodoo drum in celebration
Strong and powerful filled with passion
I look upon the past in such regret
Wishing I would have taken your path
I want to walk with you through the woods
That ignite your spirit with hope
I long to to cross the river on a line
Like we had that day when we were friends
You confided in me as I did to you
And all the while I dreamed of us
He was there for me in all my struggle
I tried to be there in all his woe
You know I cared for you with every part
But I put you through the fire of my life
I had you walk on burning coals
That were conceived in my hell
I love you with every cell that composes me
However I know that all my words
Are absolute nothingness in your mind
Your world has no space for my flesh
And with this I brake into pieces
I disintegrate like dust in the wind
In the end I would do anything
To be in your arms and touch those lips
With my own in all the desire that lives
Within my soul and in my bare bones
You are there until I lay within my casket
My dear I apologize for all the strife
And yet I hold to my hearts needs for you
As I try to digress, my dear I love you

I want to learn to love again
But my soul seems to only transcend
You've been planted in my roots
And I can only grow with your soft flutes
That sing me to the rising sun
Where I can gleam as the new horizon
But patience must set in
I cannot torment myself with the ***** of a pin
I know my veins are filled with you
My breath was only there when we flew
So stoically I pose their art
But know I only want you to be my real part
To whisper into the breeze
And together reach the gate with our keys
A place we call our own
I'm here my love, on the other side of the phone
Answer me when the moon rises
Hold me in you arms without the guises

I try to sing this melody
Of my own fidelity
But I lack this morality
That tells me the reality
Of a life in harmony
With spirits heavenly
I am my own entity
And when I show this identity
It has no truth to humanity
So I speak in brevity
To hide the perplexity
That only few conceptually
Embrace with full integrity
To soar in the clouds joyfully
Like the eagles in serenity
And the gods of heredity
We are the truthful society
Yet know one knows it verily
I will continue transcendently
Like the lotus in her artistry
I will paint mindfully
The visage of prosperity
In all its beauty
So vividly
Until I rest solemnly
In my garden above the galaxy
Where all who truthfully
Flew with divinity
In utter tranquility
While this world unfaithfully
Decayed presently
In the lies of commonality
In this globe of duality
Don’t sing this parody
Avoid the practicality
Your song is skillfully
Hiding from the animosity
You will have your symphony
In a sky of pure unity

My heart beats the rhythm of this song
We wrote together when I was blind
Every note breathes the essence of you
As I sink into the touch you left on me
These thoughts consume each night
Before I rest my eyes upon this floor
That holds the desires I've locked away
You've left an impression I can't remove
A tattoo on my spirit I long to renew
Yet all the same my heart wishes to erase
I met you in a convoluted state of self
And lost you in the whirlwind of hate
Now I walk upon this road I've paved
As you go your way, not a trace of me
All the while I bless you with the best
While you'll always be there upon my chest
So dear be well in this life we call reality
You're blood will still rush through my veins
And my soul will consistently sing of you

Shattered glass upon the ground I walk
With Shards in my bare feet
And skin dry and brittle like chalk
Bathing in my own field of wheat

I am the bread basket of my own produce
The life of my own breath
And the electrician to my own fuse
That cuts the energy from the world's ****

So my dear friend won't you look
And see that I am I
I write my own bound book
With letters of my soul's cry

You are the upholder to your own home
The columns to a distinct bridge
Don't take me from my kingdom
To lead me to the devil's ledge

I ask of you to sing your song not mine
And allow me to write my melody
Of the oceans whispers upon the pine
That speaks my spirit not this felony

Oh how I wish I believed these words
But they tell the lie of a longing heart
That's pierced by frozen swords
I want to help you love, hold your part

I want to be your eternal pillar
And live as one in unison
Resonating the music of our laughter  
Please take me as your woman

Thy nape bruised by iron hands
Defiled tongues destroy thee
Iced eyes of hell mock thy fear
Oh woe to thee my purest bride
Thy soul murdered by the beast
Mine eyes weep for thy soul
Ill man robbed thee of thy light
Ere death,  thee hast known
That thy grave feet must stand
Woman, thou art precious stone
Of finest luster and fragile heart
Dost man not see thy tenderness?
Nefarious mind of the man!
Oh mother oh child of mine
Prithee strengthen thy spirit
I fain would give thee all of me
But my body hast none to gift
Yet, tis the same Scarlett veins
That doth flow within us, love
Together shall we fight forever
Thy nightmare soon shall rest

I've seen my bones
Through my sheer skin
By sins of many tones
In places I've never been

I've signed away my mind
To all the wonders I sought
And found myself blind
To all the truth that I fought

Now my frame is too weak
In it's pursuit to taste the water
Where the fish will speak
In the arms of the great potter

Instead I walk invisibly
With my blue veins to show
The grief I hid defensively
By the tongue of the crow

Nothing has ever been consistent in my life
Expect the thought of you within my mind
Days pass, seconds tic away with the clock
Yet you linger within the time that passes
Ever so present in every part of my being
Thriving in the depths of spirit, a soul in mine
I try so desperately to remove you from me
But your blood runs so deeply inside my own
The scent of your skin still haunts me today
And I imagine you're body intertwined with me
My dear I haven't forgotten a thing you've done
I've only pushed away the constant you were
The love that lives daily in my delicate heart
I wish you all the best, while I yearn for you
Dreaming of the day, a yellow diamond rests
Upon my small finger, like we once had desired

Those blue eyes of wonder
Pierce her heart like thunder

His hands moving swiftly
Playing so beautifully

Her veins pulse in rhythm
A song of this freedom

In this storm forbidden
Where their words are hidden

Two in strange arrangement
That lacks the management

In this sick paradox
She becomes the red fox

Death has tiptoed through my mind
Fogging my mind like a dreary fall day
Whether it be upon that rock
Hand in hand, the trees whistling
When I stared you in the eyes
And said "I could die here. Right now"
Or in the darkest of moments
Where I imagine my death beyond a dream
And then it drifts away like sunset
Leaving me still within the emptiness
Day by day, it is one or the other
But somehow I push through it
As I yearn for the final breath of air
Seized by my very own brittle hand
I've painted myself blue, stuck in still life
Walking through the still life of my soul

Like an illustrious knight who slain the dragon
You’ve left a memory that is carved in stone
But you are no warrior with a legacy
You are a boy whose dreams are illusory
As a spider in the mystery of the night
That has spun an intricate web of death
You catch your pray and gorge on them
The flies they fill your stomach to your throat
And there I am, stuck in this deceptive net
Where you’ve murdered my lustrous spirit
Through selfish lies inside a jar you gave to me
I believed in all the beauty I thought I saw
But I was blind by flesh and flesh alone
I saw the skin that was soaked in sweetest nectar
And like a starving dog, I hungered for it
I became the bee who served the lords
With this I tried to make a golden royal honey
From every piece of you I yearned for
Yet again I find myself caught in the delusion
You’ve led me to believe was verily true
My own naiveté has killed me by your bones
I blame you not of any pain that lives within my soul
I have sanded all of myself to nothingness
Because I wanted to believe in your sincerity
But as I swallowed every evil you fed to me
I  lost all sight of who I was and who you really are
So goodnight my master behind the curtain
You live inside of me and I am chained to you
Like a slave to the white man in times of strife
You beat me to a numbness without a single tear
And here I stand before the empty world where you are
A carcass who appears to be alive in every sense
The ultimate duplicity within this flawed reality
I am dead in all the meaning of the word
Yet still I find myself to love you oh my great Deceiver

Submerged in a lake
Floating to the surface
But it won't break
This last breath is unfeasible
And like the sun peers through
He appears like a mirage
With her in his arms
Sinking
Deeper and deeper 
Caressing the rocky bottom
It's dark now
Eyes closed or open
The answer is not there
And as quickly as I sunk
They disappeared 
The heart is heavy
Broken
Death is knocking
And I opened the door
The curtains closed
My soul burned to ash
My spirit lost without you

Ive planted some posies in a jar
Kept safe in my fancy boudoir
To place in my pocket as I travel far
And mask the stench of my rotting scar

I color my body in a thousand shades
Of these flowers to prepare for the promenades
A fountain of people amongst the maids
To be served and serve as lost jades

I dance the steps proclaimed
With the slough of men famed
And blend with all women tamed
Reaking of  the posies, my body inflamed

My soul screams for white wings
Of the dove as he sings
But as a marionette on strings
I must listen to my given kings

So like the flowers adorn
I'm the jewelry of this scorn
A lie amidst the torn
The princess never really born

Life has become stale
Stagnant like pond water
Gathering the filth of the year
I swim like a fish in circles
While the dirt floats above
Like a cloudy day in summer
I'm warm but heavy in the sun
I can't seem to leave this place
That weighs so heavy on my chest
I breathe as if I were dead
Barely gathering any air in my lungs
This year has been so strange
A foreign yet familiar time
Like an old friend
That holds heartbreaking memories
While feeling like a warm hug
My bones have been withering
Through all these days that pass
I am lost within the light
I am buried in my present
While I'm living in the past
My eyes have sunken into themselves
And my body is tired
Like a worn out veteran
Eating from the garbage
On the streets we silently walk
I am invisible to them all
Yet I see everything before my eyes
And so I continue to wander
In this mirage that has been painted
By the fear that I created
I am the one you hope to leave behind
The very thing you should never know
Farewell to my friends I haven't met

In lieu of all that happens in life
I find happiness in your mind
I'm reminded of all that is good
When you're there by my side
I know that when I know you
You fill me with a love I never knew
And strengthen me into a woman
Whom could never be without you
He is within my heart that seeks
My mind is opened to all that is
With Him I find all the treasures
I had searched for in my flesh
And my life sees all that I am
Without You I am only porcelain
A doll breakable by the touch
However I cling to you for strength
Where I find all my dreams a reality
You give me every fantasy I longed
And You give me the life i desired
With this I fall to my bruised knees
Praising the beauty you've granted

From my head to my toes
I want to feel your love
In every fiber of my being
In every curve of my physique
And every imperfection I hold
Fill my lungs with your sweet breath
And leave your taste upon my tongue
My bones they quiver in your hold
So love me boldly, strongly
      Faithfully
Crash into me like ocean waves
Pull me like the moon of the night
Take me as your own
And breathe me into you
I want to be your everlasting lover
The light in your darkest days
And the warmth of winter cold
To be a fire in the water
That we are swimming in
The only air to bring you life
Let us become a single entity
In all this chaos of the sea
Be the salt upon my skin
To drink the flesh I'm living in
A spirit inside your own
We can be the lovers no one has
      Ever known
The dust between our bones
Linger with me here
In the stillness of our love
To be with you is all I need
So love me please
From my head to my toes

And In your arms is where I want to be
But I can see you are lost in her sea
Where my ship can never safely set sail
So my heart begins to silently wail
These words that you present in a promise
Haunt my mind steadily with this malice
That tore the limbs of this yearning spirit
Realizing the loss of each minute
We wasted hypothesizing that night
Of a time where we could be with no fight
But she is yours forever in this time
Where I am the revenge of her cold crime
With this tears shed into my own ocean
Where I will bleed out this paining poison
And find myself with a freshly white mind
A canvas where you will not be found
So you two will live in your lasting love
Without my breath and the pestering dove

Left at my door step
Empty inside
Confused. Delirious 
No place to hide

I sink into my cold bed
 Under the covers 
Lost. Emotionless
No longer lovers

My dreams never come
In my sleep
Blank. White
No more to reap 

A naked seed
Unable to grow
Worthless. Dead
No way to sow

Here in the world
A walking ghost
Pale. Forgotten
No flag to post

You took my coat
In the winter night
Emaciated. Frozen
No life to fight

Good Night

As I dance upon the bones
In the graveyard of my past
I begin to sink into oblivion
All sense of human dissipates
Like the flesh that has no breath
I feel the void of death
The emptiness within my soul
That left me long ago
I fall to my knees
Bruised and torn from a beating
That life so grotesquely gifts
I gorge on the dirt that buries the dead
Choking on the lies they all kept
Seeing right through them
As the ghost sees through life
And so I tell you my friend
The air that fills your lungs
Will be the murderer of us all
You breath the convoluted words
That cursed humanity in a kiss
So eat your demons with me
And walk upon the cemetery
That I have claimed my home

As I hear the piano keys sound
And each string from the guitar
I travel back to your tender arms
Where I found safety in all its truth
You do not know nor comprehend
How much you truly meant to me
And as the time passes nothing fades
The music continues on each day
My dreams capture you in purity
But in reality I am here without you
And my heart silently sobs daily
For I've lost the best thing I ever had
Because fear and uncertainty
Bonded to me in an unfamiliar place
Like a husband I served them
These things had broke me
And as I lay upon my empty bed
My mind inevitably thinks of you
I conceive every possibility
I shed every tear that sings longing
But you will never trust my heart
The way I had trusted you that day
I left every chain that tied me down
In hopes that I'd find a freedom
That only you will ever understand
Nonetheless I tossed it like dust
And it dissipated into the air
Yet I breathe it in and choke endlessly
On the wonder of all that was
And everything that could've been
Instead I'm consumed by the rush
Of a city that holds so many promises
But you are not within them
Leaving me hopeless of the future
Where you and I walk hand in hand
And I quietly die in the midst of it all

I said au revoir a long time ago
To the only thing that made me real
So that I could be an ornament
Of this flesh they know me by
I clogged my vessels with false pretenses
Weighed down by love that's not there
Guised by a beating heart under the fire
And now walking a trail towards nowhere
I can now conclude I am only human
But I was once much more

A question lingers in my mind
Shall these words ever leave
This chained down tongue
I yearn for the  answer
But the fear it holds me back
From the inside out it tears me apart
I just need to know
Before the sand runs out
And my watch is upside down
Whether this heart of mine
Can invest in an empty soul
Will I be the one to fill it up
Quenching the thirst you have
Or will I be a whispered note
To drift along in the wet cold
In silence beyond the earth
For you I'd like to be this
I know what response awaits
Yet I still think to ask
But I don't want pains reign

My heart is becoming numb
As my mind runs in circles
Attempting to escape truth

Life has taken me to the edge
Facing me with every choice
Of which builds my character

Like a mirror I see myself
But I do not fathom anything
I only question every bit

As I ponder where I stand
I find I am not naked here
My bare skin is embalmed

While my thoughts thrive
Like mold in the summer
As they bite like winter cold

Who is this, I’ve become?
How have I arrived here?
And where am I to go?

I long to feel alive again
Wishing I could feel you
As that time by the lake

He’s done something
You have changed me
My flesh cannot understand

With this I become a puzzle
And the vital piece is lost
I am broken like the dead

I’m trying to discover humans
But I cannot complete the task
For I am resting in the silence

That I have embraced
Through the pain I’ve claimed
By the possibilities I denied

These winds they crash into the sea that I have made into myself
Water salted, pulled and pushed to form the waves of all my limbs
I've died a thousand times before, drowned solely by my own accord
To hit the sand with every strength and force behind my every bone
Only to erode the grains of all the sand and stone I've stole
Not for crystals to be formed or treasures to be left behind
But to take what I have lost in burning wounds beyond my mind
To try and mend myself
To be the one I long to be

It's been a long time since I took the dive
And now I'm so deep in this ocean
I thought I was numb beneath the water
Yet every breath I take reminds I'm on shore
But I can't seem to hold on to anything

I'm floating in these waves with the bones
Of all the fish that have died beside me
There is nothing left of what I once had
I have given too much of myself away
To all the people who've I've given the power

Now I lay quietly upon my empty bed
Where I'm reminded of how wasted I am
Lost in this haze of the death I now know
I'm nothing but the ashes of an angel
Who gave her wings for the sweet water
That never brought the sugar to my life

Now I'm left with this bitter taste in my mouth
The smokey flavor of all myself I've burned
In the trail I've chosen to hike alone
And oh how I long for the days before this
When I had all of me and purity in my core
But now I must pay the toll for losing me
In all of them who had the chance
To take a part of every bit of who I was

This home that is my body
is haunted by the demons
sleeping soundly in my head
My veins pulse in cadence
to the dreams in my mind
Memories of darker days
Nightmares peeling my skin
baring my desolate soul
before my own jaded eyes
My spirit dormant in this life
I walk like a ghost in the night
Spent like my withered bones
Alone in the mass of people
And like the molting cicada
I am the hollow shell
With lungs filled with dust
A heart keeping me standing
while i’m falling inside myself
waiting for the next breath

The sun sets whilst darkness creeps
I am like the night, void of all light
And with this I see the truth we are
Humanity has become the veil of lies

We are not real in this world we see
Rather we are the product of falsity
The very painting of mathematics
The numbers of every conspiracy  

With this I can see the complacency
That was accepted based on history
Which leads to the circle of living
All of which is the sickness we accept

We are all the hell we want to refrain
Since we grasp every sin we hate
Life is but a paradox of hurt and joy
Yet pain reigns like Caesar in Rome  

And so we will be killed by knife
By the hands of our loved neighbor
Because we do not see any love
In the lives we lead beneath the clouds

There is so much to say
But I said nothing at all
I gave my tongue to the cat
And cough every word
Into lies that disguise me
I'm the seamstress of veils
I wear all shades and colors
Just so you don't know
That in the end I'm just scared

I've been sinking in the space
Between the both of you
An oblivion I'm drowning in
The jealousy of all I knew
I've come to lick the dirt
And drink the salt like water
Only to find myself more dry
Like the desert in July
I want to live everything
That you have told me
Yet my mind screams death
In every silent moment I receive
I hope to float ashore
Where your words have lingered
And came to life like Jesus
Yet my stubborn soul fights
While it beats me to the ground
I'm a wolf escaping the pack
Howling at the red moon
As salted tears burn my flesh
I miss you with all my spirit
As my thoughts burn like cigarettes
Temporary and relieving
But killing me peacefully
Until the end of the times
When my body fails and my heart
It seizes to beat like the drum
Of which it once had done
And I'm just the null that haunts
Every bit of what I can endure
I long for the days in your arms
Those soft spoken words
That put to rest all these demons
And quench the life that thirst
For the truth you've always spoken

To be invisible. Unseen. Please I plead. Don't perceive me. Not even the sea. Wash me away. Let the vines of the ocean grasp my naked legs. Have the fish caress the nape of my neck and rip my spine from my flesh. Let the blind be blind. Let me lose these eyes of mine. Can I just lay beside the darkness on the sand with nothing within this human vessel. Just a carcass. An empty shell as the eaten oyster. Feed upon the rotted skin and rancid organs. The heart. Feast on it first. I plead, let me be invisible.

These thoughts flutter in my mind
Like butterflies through a field of daisies
On a hot summer afternoon in July
They warm my spirit like whiskey
But just the same they burn like fire
Tossing me around like clothes in a drier
So many words rest upon these lips
Yet not one can dance within the breeze
Choked by the fears that come so easily
I've found myself running as fast as I can
Away from the potential pain that could follow
As my heart lies heavy upon my chest
Something has blossomed inside of me
But I've left it to die like a rose in the desert
Nothing has moved me without you here
I've become stagnant, a tree in a storm
Unrooted by the gusts that carry thousands
Of pounds that are the same weight
On my shoulders through this life that I paved
I sink like an anchor into my own ocean
And graze like the calf still learning to grow
With all of this I can only find that I'm broken
Like a mirror cursing every step we take
Yet I hope that in turmoil I'll find my sun
The light that guides me to the joy that is Love

The rain is tapping on the roof top, a soft breeze whistles through the cracked window. I've lost my mind, lying on the floor, floating, leaving this place. No one seems to notice what my eyes are whispering. Shades of green, bursts of red, and spots of brown, colors to hover the window to my soul. I've lost my mind. I can hear the cries of all the people in the house. The spirits of them all, slowly sinking, drowning in the sea. I wish someone could see, see the truth within me. It's not beautiful, nor bright, but dark and glum. I should hide the grotesque brokenness. I suppose I have this down, no one knows. I lost my mind. The carpet beneath me is starting to brush harshly upon my skin. I toss, I turn and the thunder strikes. I can taste the salt, it burns my eyes and dries my skin. Have I told you, I lost my mind.

I want to skin myself
And bare my bones
To forget the times
You touched my flesh
I’d like to massacre
This soul beneath it all
But emotions bind me
To the bed of my hell
Burning my spirit
Until it bleeds through
And my heart pounds
Violently choking me
A torment of delusion
That caused a fall
Within my deepest core
My mind and being
Itch until I see the blood
Because you're in there
Like a bat in the cave
You hear me, but never
Never will you see me

Smoldering Heat
Heavy Breaths
Illuminating Lights
Sounds of the pit of Hell

We are the Minions
The Man of Man
Death of All Sins
Lovers Of Truth

BLASPHEMY

Evil doer of Satan
Black eyes of doom
Egocentric believer
Death comes to you

I'm lying on the carpet
Staring at the ceiling
As though I'm waiting
For a scene to begin
But nothing plays
Like the void within me
It remains empty
Blank and hopeless
I'm congested
      Everywhere
And the music is on replay
Fences hold me in
As I'm falling apart
Tears have become
My blanket
The sediment covers my face
A guile of salt if you will
And here I am
Lost forgotten and gone

As quick as the winds caress
My heart sinks as the air thickens
The weight of the world triples
And I'm crumbling under it all
I silently sob as I begin to choke

No one prepares you for heartbreak
It just creeps up like the night
And blinds you instantaneously
Leaving you lost and confused

I drift into a sort of numbness
Attempting to destroy my memory
Of days where my smile was genuine
And Joy existed in the hell of life

But through this attempt of forgetting
I find myself still crawling on cement
Spitting up the blood I've lost
Shedding all the tears of my flesh

I'm broken from my spirit to my bone
There is no horizon I see any longer
Only the darkness that hovers me
Masking all the truth within this soul

Everything that was wanted
Slowly dressed itself black
Hiding in the nightfall
Becoming a phantom
A whisper that's almost silent
Where have all these dreams gone?
And where did these eyes go?
All things have dwindled to nothing
Desires are just coals
Burnt out in the fires
That lit up the summer nights
Now the cold set in
Frozen in the hell of confusion
Sight of the world
Health of the mind
All are ash in the frigid air
Fogged up thoughts
Blurred vision of death
Sinking into what was lost
That day when life stood still
And the veils of time
Plagued the world with blindness

I found you in my dream
But only the good parts
In the midst of a hell
You were a protector
A lover holding me close
But it was fleeting
Like all these emotions
Swimming through me
I woke up more empty
Than when I was that night
Alone in the raining snow
Weeping with the winter
This spirit of mine is gone
Resting in the grave
That I dug long ago
I asked to swim in you
And drowned in the lust
As the night falls upon me
My mind drifting away
Along with the sunset
I find the soulless flesh
That still longs for the pain
The ambiguous love
Veiled by sins of humanity
And in this I walk the aisle
A bride to the broken
Like a ******* child
Trying to find the tangible
But only grasping hopes
That linger like dust
Filling my lungs with dirt
A taste I know too well
My fantasy in my bed
Will **** my heart softly
And I will live transparently
As the ghost I have become
I hope these dreams will die
Just like I have a thousand times
You were my vice for too long
I'll bury you with my bones

These memories are eternally inscribed  between my flesh and my bones
They have set sail in my tattered veins
Whispering waves into my blood stream
That crash softly into my old soul
And cleanse my mind of the hell I know
These memories dance upon my skin
Like words that linger from your lips
They tingle with a lovers passion
Like your bare skin pressed against my own
They comfort my heart when I'm in need
But destroy me when I cannot hide
And so I grasp upon the faint hope
That fate exists within this story
Even through the thickest of forrest
I wish to find your soul once again
So these memories won't fade away

Because there is more to be written and     more to be said and more to be felt

This erratic soul of mine
As found myself in awe
Of everything you are

Your spirit has caught me
Like a fish to the sailor
You've reeled me in so fast

My mind adopted insanity
And my heart is pounding
But my ***** are settle

I've found a certain calm
That allows me to breathe
When I see your gentle face

I am falling without understanding
I long to know your very touch
But laws divide this yearning

I'm left to feel pure insanity
For loving something so quickly
I am the crazed and vulnerable

You've made me find hope again
I've been saved by you
Yet you have no clue of this

And so I will wear this guise
You shall not know of what I feel
But I'm sure you see my affection

It's a puzzle to be solved
This inexplicable care for you
That I hold close to my spirit

I wish you knew the truth I see
That you have brought to me
In my time of darkness in the spring

So I conclude with all of this
I am with you at all times
Through thought and mind

My dear I long for your happiness
And I desire all the good for you
I dream that one day I'll feel you

Yet I acknowledge the improbability
Of all this that I yearn for with you
But I'll give fate the upper hand

And allow her to work her ways
For I do not know what will be
But I do know I only want you

In my delusion
Words will bind
From pen to paper
Raw with insecurity
The truth is here
Resting in my bones
And breathing through
My every pore
My tongue has no chain
And will dance the steps
Of the songs in my mind
Like my body
These words move
They flow and pour
A waterfall in a garden
Hidden in my thoughts
Revealed in naked disposition  
The dance of my insanity
Put before my eyes
My human tendency
I'm awakened
By my own dream
I can see through the paint
I feel it all now
As hot as the sun
I've burnt the lies
And now I'm ash
Blown into the world
Not an ant
Just the kiss in the wind

everything is so lackluster
empty as the carcass of a crow
the sounds of breaking glass
between these rotting teeth
play the melody of this room
filled with last years stale bread
dry and hard like the boulder in sand
the coffee tastes bitter on my tongue
and this smoke fills my lungs
with the false hope of a future
the rain beats upon the tin roof
and the cries of all the people
are masked like a bride on her day
but the joy does not linger
no smiles warm like summer skies
just dim light from the setting sun
a wishful feeling of more to come
as the night sets in to end the day
we will become the wolves
the sons and daughters of the moon
howling our lamentations
of lost life in the eves of yesterday
we are children of a time that never was
the spirits of this ephemeral space
A place that existed in the hell of death
That never really was attained
so rest your mind upon the grave
we never were and never will be

In a life without meaning
You become the smoke
That dissipates
In the air from the breath
Of which you breathe
Like fire from the dragon
Your mouth speaks heat
Of the burning flame
That your soul won't contain
You know nothing
Of your brother of your sister
But truth within yourself
Releases selfish intentions
I cannot fathom but a word
That connects the colors
Of combustion  in flesh
A False pretense of living
I conclude as I digress
We live a lie of selflessness
We indulge in all the sin
That satisfies our empty hearts

As I lived in the storms that you summoned
I found myself drowning in the flood
I searched for the surface, to breath again
But I only kicked and choked on the water
That surrounded my bones like skin

Through it all I swallowed the salt
And dried out my throat like a desert
Burning the tender flesh that was left barren
In the attempts of survival in this hell

But I relinquish everything I have to you
I have died a thousand ways in a single moment
In your arms as they broke me in every breath
Like the devil you have stolen my soul

Now I rest upon the concrete ground
Freezing the skeleton that is left of me
And as I slowly dissipate like dust in the wind
The wrath you've blown into my spirit takes control

I am left to a mere nothingness
That is devoid of all reality, a pure illusion
I do not exist by your tongue's curse
This is my grave they lay the flowers upon

So I digress in all my thought with all of me
I bow to every lie I’ve eaten in this life
And enslave myself to every man I know
Because I am not here and I am not alive