Maybe it’s not your fault
How my heart felt under assault;
When you leave me in dismay, every time you stay.
To that default silence
When you play your games with friends,
with voice louder than my empty thoughts
while I sit next to you —and empty spaces.
While I feel my heart turning solid,
slowly, wholly.
And then the dynamic shifts, sometimes
for a few minutes
When you talk yourself away,
recalling the great things you’ve
endured back in the days; while
I listen, laugh, and mewl.
But slowly, the tiny red soldiers are back
running amok; marching towards
my congealed heart
Maybe it’s not your fault
How I always feel deprived of attention
How I always feel insufficient
How you always make me stay when you’re lonely
The air between us so thin, yet
I’m going astray —forcing the ashtray to weigh
more, more, and more!
The flare on my lips heavy
Grounding me with gravity,
through the cloudy air
my body numb,
my mind the calm sea of:
lousy despair.
You liked me perfectly; more, and -
more, and more!
Until I was the cement wall that you adored.
And I would ask you questions
But you would answer with mind elsewhere
and empty stares
pricking my heart to a halt.