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Nik Bland Aug 2019
He won a long time ago
Something I failed to see
And I lost what I never had
Foolish, persistent me

There was no contest
Yet the loss feels the same
A simple slip was all it took
And it’s an utter shame

And I’ll blame me though you will it not
These are how these things go
Three word meant you were lost to me
As the fight came down to blows

He won a long time ago
It was never up to me
You love was written, you heart was given
And it took up to now to concede
Nik Bland Mar 2019
The symptoms, I can see
What’s hard’s to find the malady
There are problems arising
And the thought so paralyzing
I fit in perfectly
In the drawer of expired batteries
Can’t find a use, but I’m still working
Though I don’t mask well the hurting

There’s no mistaking me
A 6’2” catastrophe
Not the favorite, but I’m up there
Just don’t read my list of errs
I no longer apologize for myself
Though I’m not opposed to some help
These wings are malting, I don’t fly
But I aspire for the sky

Can you see me falling
Though on air seems like I’m walking
The open wounds masquerade as scars
I’m walking strongly, but not that far
Partial truth are still lies
Yet they’re sung lullabies
I’m trying to find truth in me
And am sometimes left out to bleed

The only apparent cure for this
Is to live my life and do my best
But life looks soft, but rubs on rough
And sometimes best is not enough
A prophet for thing in hindsight
A tympanum of unjust and unright
Crawling from the weight of memories
To hope and find the malady
Nik Bland Feb 2019
(Verse 1)
Part
Ways

I would have bet my last dollar
You’d
Stay

Hues
Fade

Feeling things that you once
Delayed

Suffering
I’ve had my share
Before

But what do I do (do I do)
If you’re not there no more

(Verse 2)

You were composed of
Sun
Rays

Lighting up my kitchen
Floor

Fingertips graze
Places you won’t be
Memories

(Chorus)
I know that your dead and cold
So why won’t you leave?

Buried with my heart long ago
Give it back to me

(Verse 3)
Tear
Dry

Only because I’ve none left
To
Cry

Oh
You’ve gone yet you reside

Doors shut
But windows wide

Weakness
I confess
I’ve felt these things before

But what I went through
Does not compare to
What I go through
Without you anymore

(Chorus)
I know that you’re dead and cold
But I don’t want you to leave

This isn’t how this song should go
A “me” meant to be “we”

I know that you’re dead and cold
Why can’t you be with me?

You were my ultimate goal
So now I’m just losing

(Verse 3)
I can’t remember how to sleep
Without you beside me
You’re imprint
In my mattress
In my soul

My heart took so much time
To let you inside
Tell me a secret
How do I
Let you go?

(Chorus)
I know that your dead and cold
So why won’t you leave?

Buried with my heart long ago
Give it back to me

I know that you’re dead and cold
But I don’t want you to leave

This isn’t how this song should go
A “me” meant to be “we”

I know that you’re dead and cold
Why can’t you be with me?

You were my ultimate goal
So now I’m just losing

Just losing...

Just losing...

Losing you...
Nik Bland Feb 2019
You will never break me
I can do that by myself
I’ve seen in my life’s undertaking
There’s very chances at help

Every moment is waking
Even when eyes are closed
As I slumber, the ground is quaking
What I’ll wake to, I don’t know

There will always be this fear
Just in different increments
Anxiety dwelling near
And the things it presents

No pity is wanted
This is said for understanding
There caverns of my mind are haunted
By wound, by weight, by branding

Don’t even try to push me
I am falling just fine
I’m not expecting any cushioning
But there’s a slight hope I’ll fly

The wings have yet to sprout out
Whether they will or not, who knows
We all crash, of that there is no doubt
But from it, not all of us grow
Nik Bland Feb 2019
Hello
Hi
I know
It’s me again
Sans the smoke and mirrors
Away from spaces in my head

And again and head don’t rhyme
But I didn’t need to say that
My self analyzing ways
Were in a haze
But made their way back

And I’d be impressed with myself
If there was some sense of pride in me
For each time
I grab said prize
It forces insides outside of me

And rhyming me with me?
Come on, man, that was simply lazy
Hazy
Crazy
Amazing
Maybe
No, you’ve got it, baby

Use it to the maximum
Forget minimally
But what if
Amidst these rhyming riffs
They see the real me

Do they see the real me?
There’s not a chance
It’s blasphemy
Because my armor, then would be
A holy one... almost gaping

People often ask me what my poetry’s about
They point like
“Oh?”
And I’m like
“No”
And they just question
As words pour out
And they move and they burn
And they twist
And I’ve learned
Not matter which way they’re turned
They’re about things that don’t last

They’re about loves torn asunder
About fires, rain, and thunder
Like that song
By Stevie Wonder
They’re the “Joy Inside My Tears”

And they lower and boost my fears
With all of their rusted gears
So I feel movement
A shift I hear
And yet I find it just still
Here

Hello
Hi
I know
It’s me again
This same ******* rut
That undercuts
These roots from sinking in

And the smoke and mirrors
The music
The light show they all go dim
I throw them to the floor
And the mirrors
Show me him
And he is me
But who am I
And...

...I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to shout
The truth is I’m not sure who my poems are about
They always hold some part of me
Hoping, despairing, living, dying
Some are etched
In stone-thrown rage
And some just leave me crying

Potential wins and consistent loss
They’re what fill my pen
Some acknowledgement to
A God who is always good
But a world that’s not my friend

And the struggle of my color
And the ripping of my heart
And the feebleness
Of my intellect
As I play this brief part
As I suffer
As I benefit
As I laugh
As I bleed

As I say hi
Hello
It’s me again
Just me
Nik Bland Jan 2019
Does moonlight impede you
Do you get the full view
Of the
Sun that lies within

It’s so hard to read you
You see, in the read-though
Of the
Book the dialect changed

Your shoulders are heavy
And you never feel your ready
Slow and steady
Slow

This isn’t a race
So why is your heart still racing
Beats seemingly replacing
Time

Time is a construct
Look towards the home front
It is
Always somewhere near

The night brings such sorrow
You feel no hope for tomorrow
It is
Storm clouds in your head

Raindrops on your pillow
Nik Bland Jan 2019
And I will give this parting word
Knowing you’ll never hear it
But love, as they say, is a verb
So my action’s to lift your spirit
To know that breath escapes my lungs
To do what I must to meet you lips
The twisting of unspeaking tongues
The grazing of unworthy fingertips

Parting is an ever aware
And unwelcome party guest
A weight that drives and despairs
Bringing tension to my chest
Though I would press ten times such costs
To say these vocalize such words
Of love, of want, and of inevitable loss
Of things ceasing to be heard
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