From the time I could walk,
Daddy was never there for the little talks.
Twelve years young,
And I'm drowning in tears,
Never imagining those would be the worst years.
I can remember feeling so hopeless,
Falling down such a slippery *****.
Depression was my label,
With my anxiety growing unstable.
Fourteen years young,
And I'm beginning to see blood.
Coming out of my arms like a flood.
I've grown to love the color of red,
Did you know that seeing too much would mean I was dead?
Sixteen years young,
And I'm killing my lungs.
Everything is starting to get better,
I've become a goal setter.
I'm grateful for everything I went through,
Because now, life means so much more.
I may not be completely healed,
But I'm better off where I am now then I was before.

My lungs are collapsing,
My breath is growing short,
My mind is relapsing.

My feelings are caving in,
My heart is beating slow,
My face is craving for your skin.

My eyes are fixated on  your lips,
My hand wanting to be intertwined with yours,
My body longs for you to caress my hips.

My nose loves the smell of your cologne,
My ears can't help but hear a ringing in the distance,
My mouth hates the way you say "I'm sorry to leave you alone".

Today has been an accomplishment.
Eight months ago, I decided to stop giving myself the ultimate punishment.
Self harming was my escape,
The blade had such a perfect shape.
I loved the way the blood dripped,
It used to just go across my skin; becoming an addict.
I've overcome so much in a short amount of time,
The mountain is so steep; this is such a hard climb.
I'm becoming someone I love,
At least I have a greater plan from Him above.

A crowded hallway,
Patiently waiting to see if you'll magically appear.
Searching for empty words to say,
Once again, I feel myself falling hopelessly.
That smile, have mercy.. That smile,
Those eyes.. Making the stars envious of the radiant glow they gave off.
Now, my mind is racing, wondering if you'll ever come back,
It's been 34 days since the last time I can remember seeing your face.
My heart feels like it's jumped out of my chest,
My eyes have began to fill with water.
My knees have become so weak,
My breath has become shallow..
I see you right in front of me,
And to this day, I can't remember if that was our final fairwell.

I've never felt this,
It feels like true bliss.
My heart changes its beat,
dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.
Every time you make a glance,
I grow cold, almost still in my stance.
That smile,
I bet you I could see it for a hundred miles.
I yearn for the warmth of your embrace.
dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.
I've never wanted someone so desperately,
You make me feel like a kid.
Do you see what you did?
I wonder how it would be,
If you were here with me.
dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.
I imagine us jamming to the station,
It's obvious which one is your favorite; the rock nation.
You with your hand on my leg,
I can feel my heart racing once again.
dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.
Please forgive me,
But I think I'm falling head over heels.
Maybe because you make me feel at ease,
Maybe because the way you make me feel is natural like the summer breeze.
*dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.

If you would've stayed, imagine the world that could've been in the palm of our hands...
Clear, pristine, blue water with millions of particles that resemble sand; the greenest grasses on never-ending acres of land.
The prettiest, most jaw dropping sunrises; not even God could create firsthand.
Mountains--that skyrocket to the promise land,
And vast miles of swampy wetlands.
Hummingbirds that majestically keep darting by,
While mingling below the clouds with the butterflies;
All the while, the fields are growing wild rye.
What on earth could ever make you turn your back and say good-bye,
Knowing this is how we envisioned our world and how the rest of our days would unwind...

It's 12:25 in the early morning,
The stars are majestically prancing around in the heavenly sky.
Never was there a gigantic, obese sign forewarning,
Attempting to grab my attention seeking eyes.
Screaming and shouting, "He's just a beautiful boy with a devil heart."
Would a young, innocent soul have the conscientious mind to spot such a simple flaw?
Maybe, if I wouldn't have been so knee deep in trying to restart,
I may not have ever let your rough, graceful hands unclip my bra.
It's now 12:39 and I'm slowly remembering how to forget you,
All I can slightly acknowledge is scratching your bare back and moaning your aesthetically crafted name.
Don't ask me to bid you adieu,
Because I only have my wondering heart to blame.

I thought some guy would swoop me away with a cape,
instead it equaled ****.
Never thought he would be so shaded,
'cause now I'm feeling jaded.
No one knows,
and no one cares.
People say she asked for it,
others ask why didn't you say no?
Honestly, I never wanted it,
but be careful what you wish for.

I love the way you kiss me,
As your frigid hands caress my *******,
I yearn for your nakedness to be closely nestled.
Your voice is raspy and deep, yet calming and smooth;
"Let your guard down, I want to see all of you."
Honestly, I felt weak in my knees, hearing the truth.
The delicacy of your lips pressed against my body,
Makes me able to barely whisper, "I'm ready, baby."
Unzipping my jeans,
I hear them drop to the floor.
I can feel my airways grow tight,
While I'm spread open.
I need you to stay overnight.

Driving under these neon lights,
The wide open interstate makes for a lonely night.
Music drowning my perpetuating thoughts,
Blaring Hootie & The Blowfish, "Let Her Cry",
"I could not believe, she was the same girl I fell in love with long ago. She went in the back to get high..."
Which reminds me of the very first time I hung out with you,
That was your favorite line of the song,
I couldn't help but laugh because you sang it oh so wrong.
Thinking back on what we used to be,
I never wished you would've went overseas.
I can remember the knock on my door,
Looking so pale and cold,
Never forgetting the picture of your corps.
Yearning for what we would've been,
Letting you go away is one of my seven deadly sins.

Always remind me of where it all started,
Was it the way you touched me as I trembled?
Or how you went into this wholehearted?
I'll never forget the moment your soft, alluring lips passionately kissed me.
As we both felt the sparks that ignited between us, what more was there to do?
You worked your hands all over my body, making me feel like a masterpiece.
Your gentle, calming hands descended farther down my spine and past my protruding hips,
I can hear our breathing getting louder and heavier,
Our perpetual moans fill the empty room.
As I start to crave the way your body perfectly curved with mine, I could feel the warmth that penetrated off your body onto mine, but that also wasn't the only thing to penetrate me either.
All of this happened in the blink of an eye and before I knew that the chaos that started compiling in my mind,
I knew that I needed you to stay with me.

“What is love?”*
A question that swirled around my brain for hours. 

Love was just a fancy word for meaning “getting ****** over”…

Until I met you.

When I would love, it was never sober.

I didn’t know when to put the bottle down, to say enough was enough…

Until I met you.

When my lover went down on me, 

My ******* were bluff…

Until I met you.

If someone ever asked about my lover,

I would freeze up and say, “ask him for yourself?”…

Until I met you.

Making love was always a chore,

So boring and unsatisfactory…

Until I met you.

How was I ever going to get out of this never ending loop-hole called “love”? 

It was the moment I caught your eyes gazing at me from across the seats of that smelly, old bus.
It was the moment when your words became my favorite song. 

It was the moment I couldn’t stop staring at how blue and beautiful your eyes were.

It was the moment I wanted to say “I love you”, but couldn’t…

Sweaty palms & nervously clenched teeth,
His piercing, welcoming blue eyes have me shaking the earth beneath my feet,
His soft & plump lips look appetizingly sweet.
How could a boy, who lights up an entire room full of people with just one purely genuine smile,
Fall for a girl; who can't even keep the flame within her burning longer than just a little while...
Was it the way her infectiously, intoxicating laugh made heads of strangers turn to admire,
Or potentially, did he notice the flame light up within; when all she could speak about was the hopes and dreams that her heart had hopelessly waited to tell to someone who would make her feel desired...