It's insane that we could keep up,
to the noises around us,
screaming,
telling us off,
reprimanding us in loud tones.

I confined myself in a room,
only almost absolute silence
and the blowing of the fan heard,
never would I want,
to give up this tranquility.

It's too noisy outside,
even whispers could be shouts and screams,
I feel the world spinning,
my breath,
everything is so suffocating.

Words becomes aloud,
drowning in deep thoughts of others,
almost feeling abstract to stabbing,
depression kicks in,
and I'm not the same.

Please stop the voices,
the loud calls of unwanted words,
the clarity of speech.
It hurts.
It hurts a lot.

Heavy weighs the death
Of childlike ideals
Their hollow corpses rotted
With severed wrists

The media says “tell no one”
Sleepwalk through reality

I cannot want
I cannot lust
For faces
In a world of masks

Lidless wreath
Blind me with your teeth
Bone white, chalk lines; bitter retreat

I’ll sing through the embers
Of our charred reverie
A brick & mortar apartment
Holding three dead children
We flee.

do you ever wonder
about the difference between
looking at something
and the hallucination created
when looking past it?
if you look at your hand
it's all you can see
but if you look past your hand
there are now two of them
sometimes it's hard for me
to remember which is real
it gets me thinking
about how my father
used to wake me up
in the morning by rubbing
his stubble across my face
i spent my 11th birthday
under the assumption
that he might come back
if i drank his aftershave
like maybe if i could turn blue
if i could be his favorite color
on our bathroom floor
he would forget why he left
the paramedics were all sobing
as they pumped memories
out of my stomach
i coughed up the day the post-it note with your new address on it
burned a hole in our refrigerator
coughed up the day
the divorce papers came
and my mother
took a baseball bat to the mailbox
i've been choking on the splinters
for 17 years
it's been 17 years
since the last dinner plate
exploded on our dining room wall
17 years since my mother
started accidentally setting your place at the dinner table
17 years since italian night
at the restaurant on the corner
where the juke box
spat tired music
and like so many other things
it stopped working when you left
i guess it's no coincidence
since the juke box went quiet
that the cds in my car
only skip on "i miss you"
i've been hemorrhaging memories
for so long
and now that i'm looking back
i can no longer tell
the mirage from the truth
sometimes i swear
you showed up to my graduation
and last time
i was at your apartment
i can't remember
if the imprints of my hands
are in clay hanging on your wall
or if they were left in the mud
the day god had the audacity
to let it rain
or maybe it's like the time
i saw someone crying on a bridge
now that i think about it
i can't remember if it was me

Where I live, the cold doesn't always bring smiles.
Sweet summer sweat drains,
Then the leaves change to bright colors
Fighting the contrast against the dreary grey clouds

Where the leaves cover the ground, they turn the soil darker
The grass yellows, and cracks under your feet

And when it rains 60 inches of rain in your town a year,
Cold rain is exactly what you get instead of snow.

Oh and I get so weak with no sunlight

My friends all love the cold,
They embrace it.
My friends all love the darkness,
They'll share a drink with it.


But when the cold comes for me,
I try to hide underneath my coats
When the darkness comes for me,
I lose my sense of time and sleep

I get so weak

I woke up this morning

And realized I'm in love

And I cried and cried


There's no turning back now.