I dont have crushes
Ever since a man thought it was alright to grab my legs
I haven't been able to look at any guys the same
Ever since a man twisted my reality
and told me it was fine if he touched me
I can't picture any guy holding me
So I'm sorry when you talk about how you like him
I can't really relate
I haven't had a crush
Since I was *****

I'm the kind of girl
who will tell you stories
of heart breaks,
and lovers,
and their tragic ends.
Then, I'll drive you madder
by kissing your best friend.
I'll have you hooked on
lust-filled-drama,
like a ***** on heroine.
And you'll try to walk away,
probably storm off in a heated rage,
and tell all your friends
how "awful" I am.
But, I know for sure,
*you'll come crawling back again.

You;
you prey on pretty things.
Damaging innocent bows
and precious curls.
Dainty,
delicate,
*****.
You;
you ruin her.

One bad thing after another,
Why try to change it?
Self-destruction begins to smother
The emotions inside.
Might do something I'll regret,
But what does it matter?
My life isn't over yet.
This series of misfortune
Will continue forever.
So I'll drink this whole bottle, but
Still happiness comes never.
So I'll pop all these pills, and maybe
Some lust might fulfill
What I'm missing inside.
All this at my own will
Because I don't want to know better.
Stone-cold heart in a locked cage,
I will never let anyone in.
Self-destruction is my hobby.
Self-pity is my sin.

The problem is that I can see you in my rear view mirror waving good bye every time I try to steer towards something better,
And I reverse back into your arms
In a way that sends my heart crashing back into your atmosphere.

The problem is that I can see me in your bed for hours on end
Researching your skin with my keen eye
So I can kiss at what you would call imperfections.

The problem is that the rose colored glasses I put on
The day I laid on the couch with you and told you I loved you
Haven't lose their hue, haven't lost their tint on my world.

The problem is that I'd drunkenly fall into your arms
The same way I did over a year ago
And I know you wouldn't catch me.

The problem is that you were the one that got away
And you ran fast and far
Because you needed to get away;
That was what I became to you.

The problem was that I taught you more about breaking than heart
And you taught me more about patience than tolerance
And at the end of it all I learned how to live a life without you in it because that was my only option.

The problem is that I am still in love with you
And you're in love with the life
That doesn't have a remnant of me.

The problem is that I am in love with you
And your life
Had no room for me

inhale
barely living, surviving
day dreams of being hit driving
crying myself to sleep
doesn't work to count sheep
hating who i am
minds a broken dam
thoughts flooding inside
i just want to hide
i never want to wake
nothing to give or take
feeling done with it all
fist punching the wall
am i mad
or am i sad
i don't know anymore
my inside is sore
i can't be fixed
feelings so mixed

exhale.

Taking a wild guess, I opened the door.
We're staring at each other.
Frozen in time, in the moment.
We both take a step.
I farther from you.
You away from this.

Ok.
So it's Valentines day.
I'm alone,
but I'm in love again.
                                    The chemicals in my brain are firing pleasure sensors
                                     or whatever that science **** says.
                                      It bothers me that I live a lie no matter what truth I embrace
but whatever

I'm in love with his smile
his laugh
how he and I know exactly what each other is thinking
telepathy is our ESP.
If he knew was me
he would know it was him
still is him
by the way

I'm in love with his poetry
his voice
Every new thing I learn
Is a starburst in my heart

I know I look like a stalker
the way I follow him
but seeing him is my sanity

I have to believe
he will love me one day
if I want to live
another day