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Megitta Ignacia Jun 2019
"Dear heart, how do you feel?"

Many times,
you still haunts me in my dreams,
maybe that was the closest I’d ever get to seeing you.

Sometimes,
your absence randomly gives me stabs of pain.

But light slapped me,
"Dear heart, how do you really feel?"
Realization came & hits me hard

The real thing is
I'm done painting some false reality of words I wish you said.
I'm no longer trying because I’m tired of hearing you’re busy.
Those days, do you know how hurt it felt to stared at your phone hoping it would ring as you promised to call only it didn’t? your job is always more important.
I wish you know how hard I tried to stay committed to you from 10000 km apart.
How my faith would be tested
again & again,
but I decided to holding on to what we had
I was 110% yours.
You're always too late & never there.
My soul relieves it's over
because I cannot bear the insecurities, doubts, uncertainty.
I can finally let go of the pain I've got used to.
I'm happier this way.
I will not allow me to be victimized by the nostalgia.
The past was never meant to be resurrected.

--------------------------------------------

But still,
I hope you got flashbacks of me
when you drown yourself on work;
the one thing you think more important than me;
your escape from the crazy things around you,
yes, keep running
clock is ticking, quick
work harder be busy
you don't deserved to be this stress bae
those sadness you keep hiding has turned you become a monster
******* and irrationally mad

It's so you
Your pain has turns into numbness
then the numbness turns to rage
then the rage turns to silence

And when you switch off the computer,
the pain will creeping up
inside your heart remains  dark and dingy,
take a piece of me with you in your heart along the way.
120619 | 11:39 AM  demam & sakit kepala dari berapa hari kemarin moga-moga bukan dengue fever ya. Sulung - Kunto Aji playing on background.
Megitta Ignacia Jun 2019
A.
You're Vincent Vega
I'm Mia Wallace
Plunged the needle to my chest
Adrenaline injection it is
Significant other or a guardian angel?
Baby, you're my 24/7 bodyguard.

You saved me
You saved me
I thanked God, He sent you
I don't need Marsellus Wallace anymore
Completely healed
This immidiate
This instant.
060619 | 18:35 PM di office, lagi hari lebaran hari kedua, bentar lagi mau makan ketupat bareng keluarga kecilku di bali. Tuhan maha baik. Akhirnya kuserahkan diriku pada dia si scorpio yang satu ini :) fully committed now
Megitta Ignacia Jun 2019
my mind is a simultaneous contradictions
never a clear black and white
wrong and right
passed the daylight my mental agony is back
vicious cycle of fight
who will win
unnecessary anxiety or liberation of heart
back and forth
filled with guilt, doubt, confussion
motive: platonic intimacy restoring my balance

is it though?
is it platonic?
feels downright impossible to argue if I do not feel anything
these rush of joy everytime you're near
how I don't want anyone else to ever touch you

tonight when the moon is up
we'd escape with eachother again
310519 | 23:01 AM coffee shop Samakami, "ya terserah kamu kalau kamu ga percaya, kamu yang milih buat ga percaya."
Megitta Ignacia Jun 2019
pure, white, sweet scented.
powerless, remain silent.
after dark, you showed yourself.
010619 | 15:54 PM, preparing exhibition.
Megitta Ignacia May 2019
EGO
I want. I want. I want.



echoing
what a sickening beats
childlike
cut out your harbored jealousy
dry you tears
you'll be okay
310519 | 15:31 PM From me to me #mentalnote. Arctic Monkeys - Do I wanna know playing on background.
Megitta Ignacia May 2019
Not yet,
my delicate soul
trapped in chaos
darkness and silence

I keep came back
to the same chapter
over & over again

Help me
to run away
from these
crossroad of destiny card

Freedom
Joy
Peace
where can I find it

Lead me
o angel, my guard
my Father sent
under the bright blue sky
where the ocean meets the stones
inject me with holy ghost

with a slight panic
I will find
comfort in chaos
not knowing exactly what I will get.
unpleasant
yet comforting & exciting
300519 | 15:23 PM di ujung laut panti semawang sanur, anginnya kenceng bnget, matahari cerah menembus kacamata hitamku, anginnya jernih biru muda dan hijau toska kalem, bisa kelihatan pasir yang teraduk-aduk dan beberapa rumput laut kering yang terbawa ombak, aku dikelilingi banyak kapal parkir.  Monolog by Pamungkas on repeat. Sedang menikmati sakitnya, hubungan yang terurai. Aku terus bertanya, meskipun kelakuannya buruk, kenapa belum juga lukaku sembuh. Bersyukur atas cantiknya laut pada Bapa.
Megitta Ignacia May 2019
You left me

s                            
h            
        h                          
     a
t
t                
              e
r
        e
d


in pieces
on the floor.
290519 | 13:39 PM abis beresin workshop diffable, perasan masih campur aduk, belum reda juga kemarahanku atas pergimu. Semalam waktu dibonceng diatas motor ditengah dinginnya malam, ada epiphany, bahwa kita pernah hanya bertahan karena lamanya waktu & kubaca lagi pesan-pesanmu, ada kesimpulan lain yang kali ini kutemukan, sepertinya kamu berubah setelah kuceritakan tentang koin-koin. Ah, dari dulu kita sama-sama tahu kamu benaluku.Perlahan aku berterimakasih pada Tuhan karena Ia menyelamatkanku dari parasit.
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