When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?

When I was 12
I was hiking with my family, we sat on the edge of a cliff at the top of a mountain,
we were over looking the painted landscape

I remember looking at our feet in the empty air
and I asked my older sister:
“do you ever just want to jump..?”

She nodded and replied with:
“yeah shay.. :) I always wished I could fly too..”

and that is the first time..
that I realized that my head was different.

Because while she was
thinking of jumping to fly..
I was thinking of jumping to die..

and that’s when I started hiding my head lol
followed by a life of hiding self destruction.

am i like a flower?
waiting to be watered
of your validation.

this pain in my chest
pulls me under
and all at once
i am a paper boat
lost in a starless sea,
drowning in the memory
of what we had.
i may not know
what lies ahead
the course uncertain,
the waters black
but as i lay here alone
i realise,
perhaps i am not
so difficult to love
perhaps others
are simply afraid

and that's okay too.

I am a warrior.
Stronger than her demons.
Braver than the darkness.