Ping!
What is that?
Ping!
What is that sound?
Ping!
My facebook?

I have a message?
I have a message!
Is it from him?
No,
It's from that guy.
That guy I "met"
While we were at camp

Why would he message me?
It was nice.
It was thoughtful.
It was kind.
Thank you,
For the pleasant surprise.

My hand
In yours
My heart
Touching yours
My pulse
Beating yours
My life
Missing yours
My dreams
Fulfilling yours

Your hand
In mine
Your heart
Fitting hers
Your pulse
Racing hers
Your life
Protecting hers
Your dreams
Being hers

Her hand
Is free
Her heart
Is distant
Her pulse
Is strong
Her life
Is bright
Her dream
Is home

Don't forgive me because I cried
Don't forgive me "even though" I lied
Don't forgive me because I'm a kid
Don't forgive because you could've done what I did
Allow me to face my consequences
Let me adapt to my circumstances
Don't allow me my relapses
Let me feel guilt in my synapses
Please don't forgive me because I apologized
Please don't forgive unless I realized
The wrongs I did
And the wrongs I said
The crimes I hid
And the crimes I fed

Please don't forgive me
Because I seem to feel guilty
Please don't forgive me
Because my eyes went all "melty"
Please don't forgive me

Dear Mr. Sunshine
I’m sorry to have to tell you
But I’m not interested
I know why you wish
That I was
But I’m not
I’m sorry to crush
Your dreams
Of causing me aggravations
But I beg you
Mr. Sunshine
Move on with your life

One
Pretty and kind
Startlingly considerate
But
He is afraid

Two
Athletic and funny
Strikingly aware
But
He is beloved

Three
Purposeful and hardworking
Peculiarly tolerating
But
He is away

He's watching me
Over my shoulder
Reading what I type
He's watching me
Looking at the notes
Glancing at the story
He's watching me
I'm not sure
Is he trying to make me squirm
He's watching me
I'm tense
And uncomfortable
He's watching me
Inside I am
Begging him to leave
He's watching me
Please
Please leave me alone
He's watching me
I'm starting to feel stupid
For working on this book
He's watching me
Not anymore
He's turned back to his paper
He's leaving me alone
He's not watching me

Tired
She speaks freely
Surprised
She receives a response
Smiling
He answers her
Pleased
She mutters to herself
Successful
He turns back around

Walking in
Early morning
Simple
Quiet
Walking in
Late morning
Murmors
Talking
Walking in
Early afternoon
Conversation
Noisy
Walking in
Late afternoon
Empty
Silent
Walking in
Early evening
Excitement
Shouting
Walking in
Late evening
Tired
Hushed

Our eyes meet
My heart trips
My brain freezes,
Saving this moment

Someone laughs

Our eyes met
Your heartbeat continues
Your brain erases
This moment,
Unimportant
To you

You shake your head

I am here
I smile
I wave
Yet nothing

He is here
He smiles
He waves
Yet something

I am here
I laugh
I dance
Yet nothing

She is here
She laughs
She dances
Yet everything

Am I nothing?
Is he something?
Is she everything?
Am I nothing?

He is divine
He is practiced
He is glorious
And I love him

He has never met me
But I know him well
He has never heard of my house
But I know where his is

He is exquisite
He is tenacious
He is notorious
And I love him

there are three white chairs
two black
one red
there are four grey tables
one here
three over there
the boys sit in the red and black
the girls sit on the white
the teacher stands at the front
the lesson is taught on the big white board
the floor is covered in red carpet
the door is made of wood
there are two tissue boxes
one blue
one green
there are four grey cabinets
two black
two white
the walls are made of plaster
they are slathered in white paint
the boxes consist of cardboard
none of the students has red hair
only one has blonde
the teacher is the redhead
the room is complete

Who,
Who on earth am I
To blame you
For the things
I, myself
Have done?
For simple humanity
Gives us stupidity
Stronger than the faith
Of our trusting,
Bolder than the hope
Of our stricken.

Yet you,
You wreak havoc
Inside my heart
Because of your carelessness,
Because of your unawareness,
Because of your cluelessness,
Because of your obliviousness.
So if I
Am able to lay blame
On you;
How can they blame me?
How can they blame you
For the same?
Is it clear?
Am I clear
To you?
Can you tell
What I am thinking?
Can you guess
My intentions?

Or
Am I a mystery,
A question mark?
But why,
Why on earth
Does it matter?
Why should I
Get hooked on
What you think
Of me?
After all,
This is humanity
Where we find
Little value
In ourselves.
So how,
How can I
Expect to find
Someone who
Finds value
Not only
In themselves
But also in me?

Is that
Too high
To put my expectations
For you?
Or is it too low?

Quietly
Sitting
Listening softly
Conversation playing out
Jumping from topic to topic
Hearing stories
Silently
Watching

Silently
Watching
Observing carefully
Hand gestures further explaining
The emotions: amazement and concern
Absorbing information
Quietly
Sitting

If anyone told you,
Being in love was easy
Slug them.
They lied.
When you're in the position
That we are,
Love is
Not an option.
Someone once told me,
"Fall in love,
It's okay.".
I ought to give them
A ****** nose.
Later they told me,
"You've been promised.".
I bawled and bawled.
Falling in love is the easy part.
Being in love is not.
Being in love is
Not an option

If you saw me now,
What would you think?
After all,
I've changed so much since then,
Since young,
Since friend.
My hair has gotten longer.
My love has gotten stronger.
I doubt you would recognize
The longing that is in my eyes.
I miss you,
Plain as day.
I can't believe I haven't said it out loud.
Good God above,
I miss you.

I have grown up.
Sometimes I cuss.
Sometimes I say other things,
I probably shouldn't say.
I hate your other friends.
To me,
They're terrible people.
I no longer see them everyday.
For that,
I am thankful.

Would you be surprised?
Would this disappoint you?
I suppose I shouldn't care,
But it's kind of hard not to.
Because honestly?
I still miss you.
Even,
Even after eight years.

Are they paying attention?
Do they notice how I
Avoid them?
Do they catch me staring?
Do they spy the way I walk?
Do they hear the way I talk?
Did they see my little freak outs?
Did they watch the way I waved?
Are they paying attention?
Do they stare without shame?
I want them to notice.
I want them to see.
I want them care enough
To catalog it in their brains.
I want them to comment.
I want them to speak.
I want them to like me enough
To say what's on their minds.

Are you paying attention?
Do you notice how I
Avoid you?
Do you catch me staring?
Do you spy the way I walk?
Do you hear the way I talk?
Did you see my little freak outs?
Did you watch the way I waved?
Are you paying attention?
Do you stare without shame?
Could you?

Stiffly he sits
Beside me
Tense, silent and aware.
I sit
Beside him
Uncomfortable, rejected and confused.
My first day,
New student.
His reaction an attempt
To push me away.
But why?
I am new.
I have no friends.
Why isolate me
To a land of me, myself and I?
Today, he sits beside me
Without regret or negative remark
For I
Reached out to him
When he
Would not reach out
To me

The radio flickers
On and off
The stairs creak
The doors tremble
The rocker squeaks
The windows rattle

The grass of the hills
Whispers back and forth
The clouds whimper
The sky darkens
The animals burrow
The wind screams

The storm begins
Destroying house after house
The children cry
The dogs hide
The parents hush
The foundation cracks

The morning brings
Story after story
The reporters discuss
The families shatter
The banks thrive
The people protest

And the world remains the same

He had dark curly hair
And always-smiling eyes
Everytime I picture him now
He grins at me

But he's long gone now
Taken by the wind of youth
And family
Removed from my side
As time was passing

If I were to see him again
There's no telling what I would do
Would I cry?
Would I ignore him?

He was my best friend
But he's gone again
As if I never knew him
As if we were never friends

To all the boys who've left me
Who've flat out rejected me
Who've exposed me to reality
Essentially to all of you I've ever cared about,
Thanks to life
To unforeseen circumstance
To your heads and hearts
I will never know what it's like to know you
On a level reached by no other
I will never experience what it feels like
To be held by you
I will never be able to predict how you'll react
Before you even do
I will never get to tell you how much I miss you
Whenever you are gone
You will never understand why I even cared
In the first place
You will never ask for what reason I noticed you
On the day that I did
You will never see the way I carry myself
When I fake a smile
You will never face the agony
Of not knowing what you've lost
Yet still finding yourself able to picture what it could've been
And mourning its loss
You will never
But still I'm not sure who has lost the most

He was smaller than me
Now he's taller than me
He's always been smarter than me
He'll always be younger than me
He'll always be one more thing
My baby brother

They all laugh
You know better than anyone
The way they exclude everyone
The way they declared you were no one
It rips at you
Tears at you from the inside
They decide who belongs on the outside
They're so high and mighty
They say you're feisty
Make you feel tiny
In reality their thrones are slimy
Slimy from the blood of those they abused
The ones they used
The ones they left confused
Bruised
But the others refused
They refused not to look the other way
They wouldn't say
They wouldn't stand and describe the crimes
They wouldn't say just how many times
People were destroyed
It's a topic they avoid
They don't care that you're annoyed
It isn't your place
Denied your case
Still others said they'd stand up for you
But it's only lies they spew
Furthering the cause
Not wrapping you in gauze
Gauze to heal the wounds
The high and mighty caused
You feel lost
Wave-tossed
The truth is glossed
Society turns to mold
They try to say it's gold
You may not be old
But you know the cold
You find it sad
How sadistic they are
How pessimistic you are
How far gone we all are
This is the end
Society's gone 'round the bend
No hope
Clean up this mess
I don't know anybody with enough soap
They except you to cope

He is the catch in my breath
The beat of my heart
He loves me for reasons
I cannot tear apart
He is old denim jeans
And the way that he smells
Is as familiar to me
As my own cells
He is my only
My guardian love
Our love is so true
I am his dove
His hands protect me
His arms hold me so strong
No one has told me
That our love is wrong

She is small
But her heart is big.
Her eyes are blue
And innocent.
Her imagination is wild
And ***** you in.
You watch her.
You care for her.
How can you not adore her?
How can you not watch out for her?

Destroy thyself
Kiss it,
Thy prisoner,
Farewell.
Thou art ice,
Old like stone,
A poison to all that is good.
For thyself,
Thou weepest.
For thy brother,
Thou savest no bread
No wine.
For thyself,
Die.
Yet for thy child,
Shed tears
For thy life art instructions
And thy life art for thyself
Open thine eyes
See thy good Father?
Dost thou heareth thy Father?
Love thy brother
Share thy bread
Teach thy child
Thy Father hath spoken
Follow,
And love

I reach out
And touch his arm
His shoulders tighten
A barricade against danger
We both know
It won't last
I try to turn him around
But he refuses to face me
He is afraid
But I am not hurt
He closes his eyes
As I walk around him
I hold his face
In my hands
His hands clench into fists
I get him to open his eyes
He is no longer afraid
I am not hurt
That side of him failed
We won

Head in my hands
What have I done
The continuous question
I cannot outrun
I cannot let go
Of this thing
I have done
It hurts me
It haunts me
It knows it has won
I cannot let go
Of this thing
I have done
It fills up my head
It blocks all my sleep
I am constantly waking
I have tried counting sheep
No one else knows
This thing
I have done
I refuse to tell them
What I've become
This monster inside me
Has now broken out
He destroys and consumes
He knows nothing else
He takes over me
Without concern for himself
I am unable to stop him
He is too strong
My thoughts are quite grim
The monster inside me
Has made me very dim

The people in my life
are the pieces of my heart;
wherever I go
there they are
One is companionship
discussion and kinship;
another is my little sunshine,
fighting on the happiness front line.
The third is song and dance,
making girls take second glances
and daydream about second chances.
He's charming and friendly
and like number four
he listens intently.
So back to number four,
she's good with words.
When your heart hurts
she knows just what to say
to make the pain go away
and get you to see
who you ought to be.
Number five makes everyone laugh
but he's serious when he needs to be;
if you want to talk he's free.
Number six is a great woman;
she's focused hardworking
and constantly planning.
She keeps everything going.
The people in my life
are the pieces of my heart.
When I fall apart,
they help me restart.
I'm pretty sure I'd take a bullet
for all of them.
They all deserve it.
I suppose they'd see it then,
that I love them.